Toys, toys, toys and anxiety!

System

She is trying to make up for not being there.

A few years ago I used to walk down the school with a couple of Mums. One day the one Mum complained that they were moving house to get a bigger house to fit their sons toys in. Toys that she admitted he didn't play with any more but wouldn't part with any of them.

I thought to myself 'have you thought of buying less toys?' I certainly wouldn't contemplate moving house to fit a growing collection of toys that weren't played with.

Georgiegirl256

jamiefly wrote: »

There are so many toys that sorting for charity/jumble sale woukd be a full time job in itself

I really can't believe that! Bung them in some bit bags, phone chosen charity for free collection, bingo job done! Either that or have a car boot sale.

jamiefly

tea_lover wrote: »

Putting things in a bin bag to go to charity doesn't take anymore time than putting it in a bag to go into the bin.

I absolutely agree that your wife is buying far too much, but binning it just isn't the answer. What a waste.

Most toys come in pieces, bits go missing and trying to find a complete toy in this household is like looking for a needle in a haystack. They get trodden on too or abused so bits break. I haven't got time (yet).

The most important part which I feel is being missed is that I think this is affecting my mental wellbeing

GobbledyGook

For the next month or two I wouldn't throw any away. Part of it might be that you are complaining, but when she comes home there is no difference. It won't look any more cluttered or dangerous because you've kept on top of it. Let it build up so that she can see that sending things every week is ridiculous.

Have you suggested other ways she could spend the money on him? £400 could get you and your son flights to spend a day with her, or a couple of days while she is away. Saved up it could mean that you have a couple of dream holidays every year - that would give the children far better good memories of Mum than the amazon man.

tea_lover

jamiefly wrote: »

Most toys come in pieces, bits go missing and trying to find a complete toy in this household is like looking for a needle in a haystack. They get trodden on too or abused so bits break. I haven't got time (yet).

The most important part which I feel is being missed is that I think this is affecting my mental wellbeing

The problem is though that your attitude towards 'stuff' seems just as skewed as your wife's. She buys too much, you throw it away. It's such a waste, and a real shame that that's the example you are BOTH setting for your children.

bylromarha

That sounds horrible.

Agree with stacking up the unopened boxes. If that doesn't impact, then tell her all those parcels are going straight to Red Cross shop and anymore she sends will follow them.

Be firm. Be straight. And give her a big hug too as she is trying hard to be mum while she's away.

jamiefly

SavingPennies wrote: »

Printing certificates is still over indulging as much as buying exessive gifts - unless its a one off certificate for a specific earned good deed/behavouir. Your children are not going to understand the value of anything, apart from the hazard both physically and mentally of having a house full of toys.

What does your wife say when you tell her to stop? (I assume you have done).

And please please do not throw away toys, some children dont have any toys and will appreciate them the way your children (because of your wifes buying) cannot.

Of course I tell her to stop, telling her to buy fewer and better toys (lije bicycles and spend the money on activities). She says yes then thunders along her chosen path anyway.

My children get very little back from this extravagance, play with something one minute, make a mess and move onto the next. They don't know where to start.

I contributed a substantial sum towards the village playground last year hoping as I wrongly assumed my wife would spend less knowing they were outside playing. At the same time I am thinking of other children.

Panda78

What do you actually do come xmas and birthdays? They must feel like a bit of a let down when there is a constant stream of toys all year round.

I'm sure your wife has good intentions, but no amount of toys make up for the parent not being there. Your kids want their mum, but they have to learn that parents need to work. 3 weeks in 4 overseas doesnt sound compatible with a family to me. Maybe time to start job hunting, as over indulging kids with presents is going to make for very demanding teenagers and young adults! Nothing worse than a spoilt child IMO.

paulineb_2

Get the excess toys into bin bags, as someone else suggested call a charity and get them to uplift them and then start refusing the parcels when they arrive.

It sounds like theres more going on in your marriage than just the issue with these toys if your wife believes the collarbone incident was your fault, but if that happened to him your home is clearly a hazard and that cant continue.

jamiefly

At one point I told her that I was looking to move out (phoned c.a.b. who were no help and said they really only helped people with money issues and put me on to relate who again told me I was on my own).