Weddding Invite without Daughters name

donnalou

I've been invited to my Nieces wedding but the invite is only addressed to me and my husband. I have a 2 year old and the wedding is 350 miles away! My husband won't be going as he has to work so I asked if it was OK if my daughter came instead of my husband and the reply I got was they have had to tell others that they can't bring children and if they let one then they'd all want to and they are trying to keep the numbers down. There are small children as Bridesmaids though so it's not an adult only wedding.

I'm just so upset by this we have been looking forward to this wedding for such a long time. Am I over reacting? I will be replying to my niece I don't want to upset her but I think that it was pointless even sending me an invite like I would travel 350 miles without my LO.

PlymouthMaid

I can understand that you would like to take your daughter and it will be difficult to attend if you cannot but they do have every right to have a child free wedding if that is what they want. I think most children get very bored at weddings and can be a pain so if they know a lot of people who may bring their kids I suppose they are trying to prevent the reception becoming a playground and allow adults to have an adult time. I can see it from both sides as weddings should be family affairs but it is their wedding. Maybe they would be ok with your daughter going to the ceremony but not reception or vice versa and you could hire an agency sitter for the other part if she cannot stay at home with family.

Tigsteroonie

donnalou wrote: »

the reply I got was they have had to tell others that they can't bring children and if they let one then they'd all want to and they are trying to keep the numbers down.

But your daughter would be in place of your husband, so no effect on numbers?

If it were me, I'd lie and say I was coming on my own and then bring my child "because my sitter let me down at the last minute" - your 2-year-old is hardly likely to eat a full meal or affect their catering arrangements. :cool: But I'm not suggesting that as a course of action, you understand ...:rotfl:

Okydoky25

I also did not invite children to my wedding apart from my bridesmaids who were my sisters children. IT helped I had no other small children in my immediate family.
Had I envied the children of friends and family who did it would have added 30 children to a 85 guest list which to be honest we just could not justify.
We also did not want children there and were hoping for (and achieved) a party atmosphere in the evening.
I think OP that you should realise it is the couples choise and her response is genuine. How would those guests who don't take their children feel to see yours there? I understand this may mean you can't go.
Can you not leave her with family? Does your husband not have enough time to book holiday?

Okydoky25

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

But your daughter would be in place of your husband, so no effect on numbers?

If it were me, I'd lie and say I was coming on my own and then bring my child "because my sitter let me down at the last minute" - your 2-year-old is hardly likely to eat a full meal or affect their catering arrangements. :cool: But I'm not suggesting that as a course of action, you understand ...:rotfl:

Not really very respectful to someone who wants you to spend their special day with them?

GwylimT

Why don't you just arrange childcare for the hours your husband is at work?

When my first wife and I got married the venue was adult only, and therefore of course the guest list was adult only, two people 'didn't realise' and decided to bring their children with them, I must say it was quite amusing when the venue refused them entry.

LE3

It's not your niece's problem that you are unwilling/unable to travel without DD. The *only* correct response to this is:
"Dear Niece, Thank you for the lovely invitation to your wedding. I was very much looking forward to being there on your big day, but unfortunately DH has to work on that date and I am unable to arrange alternative care for DD, so will be unable to attend. DD was looking forward to seeing you "all dressed up like a princess" so I hope that you will send us a photo!
My best wishes to you & Fiance, I will be thinking of you on weddingdate.
Auntie Donnalou"

donnalou

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply

Because it is so far away normally we would have planned a family holiday around it. I would never leave my daughter with a stranger and have no one else to look after her. I think I am really upset because this wedding has been planned for years and we were told that everyone was going to be invited then to get the invite without my daughters name was a shock especially as it's not an adult only wedding.

flea72

donnalou wrote: »

Thanks for taking the trouble to reply

Because it is so far away normally we would have planned a family holiday around it. I would never leave my daughter with a stranger and have no one else to look after her. I think I am really upset because this wedding has been planned for years and we were told that everyone was going to be invited then to get the invite without my daughters name was a shock especially as it's not an adult only wedding.

Planned for years, so before your LO was even a consideration?

Also i would say its an adult only wedding. A few bridesmaids are the exception and are prob older than your LO too, with expectations on their behaviour.

A line has to be drawn. Its easier to have a blanket ban, than annoy some of the guests. You seem affronted that your LO isnt invited, but how do you think all the other parents feel if you get to bring yours and they cant bring theirs. Your LO isnt a bridesmaid, so obviously your niece doesnt feel her inclusion in the day is that important to her, otherwise, she would have bent the rules

It was quite rude to ask if your LO could come. What an awful position to put someone in. Id be more annoyed at my OH for not getting time off work tbh, so that i could go alone, rathe than getting antsy with the bride

MrsMGtobe

flea72 wrote: »

Planned for years, so before your LO was even a consideration?

Also i would say its an adult only wedding. A few bridesmaids are the exception and are prob older than your LO too, with expectations on their behaviour.

A line has to be drawn. Its easier to have a blanket ban, than annoy some of the guests. You seem affronted that your LO isnt invited, but how do you think all the other parents feel if you get to bring yours and they cant bring theirs. Your LO isnt a bridesmaid, so obviously your niece doesnt feel her inclusion in the day is that important to her, otherwise, she would have bent the rules

It was quite rude to ask if your LO could come. What an awful position to put someone in. Id be more annoyed at my OH for not getting time off work tbh, so that i could go alone, rathe than getting antsy with the bride

I have to agree with this. Speaking as someone who is organising a very, tiny, wedding and having dealt with some awful comments about our wedding, I think it's really bad etiquette for you to push the issue.

I understand that you want to take your LO, but this is your nieces (and her partners) wedding; it is for them to invite whoever they would like to, regardless of their reasoning, it's their choice. You either have to accept it, or politely decline your attendance.

Taking your LO anyway, or asking your niece about taking your LO, is just bad etiquette.

MrsMGtobe

LE3 wrote: »

It's not your niece's problem that you are unwilling/unable to travel without DD. The *only* correct response to this is:
"Dear Niece, Thank you for the lovely invitation to your wedding. I was very much looking forward to being there on your big day, but unfortunately DH has to work on that date and I am unable to arrange alternative care for DD, so will be unable to attend. DD was looking forward to seeing you "all dressed up like a princess" so I hope that you will send us a photo!
My best wishes to you & Fiance, I will be thinking of you on weddingdate.
Auntie Donnalou"

I think that this is a good way to respond, very positive.