Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

georgiesmum

He,s a control freak. Will only get worse if you marry him. Call his bluff and tell him you have had enough of him treating you like a 6 year old waiting for christmas, you either want an adult relationship or non at all.

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

As you don't have either an engagement ring or wedding ring, my viewpoint is obviously hard for you to understand.

I find the concept that a small band of gold, maybe set with a precious stone, can act as a 'deterrent' in a social situation pretty strange.

Then maybe this is hard for you to understand because you've been married so long?

If a single person meets somebody they find attractive/witty/clever/generally nice then they often take a quick glance at the left hand. A ring means they know not to pursue that person or make a load of effort to be extra charming and funny. Happens all the time.

Mojisola

Pollycat wrote: »

I find the concept that a small band of gold, maybe set with a precious stone, can act as a 'deterrent' in a social situation pretty strange.

Why do you think a woman was expected to always wear her wedding ring if not to show that she wasn't available?

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

Then maybe this is hard for you to understand because you've been married so long?

If a single person meets somebody they find attractive/witty/clever/generally nice then they often take a quick glance at the left hand. A ring means they know not to pursue that person or make a load of effort to be extra charming and funny. Happens all the time.

Yes, it is probably hard for me to understand.

Maybe back in the day when I was young and single the majority of males that I met in pubs and clubs weren't married so I didn't feel the necessity to scrutinise their ring finger - as so many people obviously feel they need to do nowadays.

Mojisola wrote: »

Why do you think a woman was expected to always wear her wedding ring if not to show that she wasn't available?

Didn't we go through this several days ago?

Mojisola wrote: »

Out of interest, why do you think most women wear a ring when they get engaged if it isn't to advertise that they are "taken"?

Pollycat wrote: »

Do 'most' women wear a ring when they get engaged to advertise that they are 'taken'?

Seriously?

My God! And I thought it was just a symbol of the fact that my boyfriend and I had decided to get married. :rotfl:

Mind you, that was back in the days when people didn't live together before they were married, and have kids before they were married, and spend thousand and thousands of £££ on a fancy wedding that they'll be paying off for the next 10 years.

It was in the days where either the chap asked you to marry him (or you decided between yourselves that you wanted to get married), the days where you saved up money in a building society for a deposit for a house.

'Taken'?
Really?

Mojisola wrote: »

If an engagement ring is a symbol that two people have decided to get married, why is it that only the woman wears one?

Pollycat wrote: »

I can't answer for anyone else but my OH dislikes any form of jewellery.

He has only recently started wearing a watch after it was bought for him as a gift.

However, my first husband DID have a signet ring set with a diamond when I had my engagement ring. He wore it on the 3rd finger of his left hand.
I don't think he ever felt it was a 'stamp of ownership'.

Person_one

Pollycat wrote: »

Yes, it is probably hard for me to understand.

Maybe back in the day when I was young and single the majority of males that I met in pubs and clubs weren't married so I didn't feel the necessity to scrutinise their ring finger - as so many people obviously feel they need to do nowadays.


Didn't we go through this several days ago?

I love how you've transformed 'take a quick glance' into 'scrutinised'. :rotfl:

Pubs and clubs aren't the only places where it's possible to meet people, and yes, we are generally waiting longer and getting married later (if at all) these days.

Fredula

So Milliebob, what happened at the hotel?! Did he propose?

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

I love how you've transformed 'take a quick glance' into 'scrutinised'. :rotfl:

You're welcome. :cool:

I 'love' how you transformed the whole content of this thread with this post:

Person_one wrote: »

Engagement rings aren't compulsory, in fact they're rather sexist!

I think the OP has been pretty brave, not only by starting this thread in the first place but by updating it too.

The idea of buying a ring (seemingly on an impulse) then not giving it to her all sounds very odd but I hope it all works out for her.

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

I love how you've transformed 'take a quick glance' into 'scrutinised'. :rotfl:

Pubs and clubs aren't the only places where it's possible to meet people, and yes, we are generally waiting longer and getting married later (if at all) these days.

Most people still meet their partners through or at work 0just like it was "back in the day" . I do think attitudes are different if only because we're a broader society and people date more (as we are generally marrying older) people before settling and a wider range of people so are less likely to already know all about them before starting to date .

seven-day-weekend

Mojisola wrote: »

Are we living in a Jane Austin novel?!:rotfl:

Every young person I know who has recently got married has gone down the 'asking the father' route - even the couple who have been together for ten years, (apart from one young man who asked his girlfriend's mother as her father is out of the picture). It's traditional and many people, young or old, like tradition.

claire16c

Pollycat wrote: »

I've been thinking about this whilst having lunch (very nice it was, too. Leftover tuna risotto from last night).

Do people really believe that men who may be 'out on the pull' look at a woman's left hand and if she is wearing an engagement ring, think 'Oh. OK. No point in offering to buy her a drink, she's 'taken'?

Is this really the 21st Century view of engagement rings?
A visible notification to men to stay away because some other man has put his 'stamp of ownership' on her?
:shocked:

Of course they would think that - unless they are the kind of person who thinks initiating an affair is ok.

Are you saying if you were single you'd approach someone who was obviously married or engaged?!

This has nothing to do with age!