Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

jaylee3

mrsHall2b wrote: »

my engagement ring cost £50 and his (yes he also has an engagement ring) cost £15, but the cost is irrelevant its what they mean to us, we bought them together and they where bought with the promise that one day (when funds allow) we will be married, we bought them after being together about 9 months. weve now been together 2 and a half years and hope to get married next summer (if the registry office isnt too booked.

registry office wedding and either church hall after then upto our house to spend the remainder of the day in the garden (so we have somewhere all the children can go to play/sleep if need be)

its not going to cost much but its our wedding.

it wasnt even a 'proper' proposal laying in bed one morning he said i think you ought to marry me.. i said yeah i think so too & thats been it.

Awww how romantic LOL :rotfl:

Seriously though. Good for you. Hope the two of you are really happy. No need to spend shedloads at all, on a ring OR a wedding.

burnoutbabe

I don't wear my ring - we bought it for the "I'm engaged" pics but it just irritated me wearing it (I don't wear any rings).

So I now have a nice bangle instead that i wear.

I'd only wear a wedding ring if i found a comfy one.

anotheruser

fluffnutter wrote: »

You don't have to be married to be a 'real family'. But that aside, you want to (which isn't unreasonable), he doesn't. And more than that, he appears to enjoy raising your expectations and dashing them again. Nice.

If you're really bothered about the name thing, change the baby's name to yours. And ditch your fella. People only have power over you if you give it to them.

With 61 likes, a fair few people agree with you, but how accusing of the boyfriend are you being...

Maybe he does want to wait for the right moment, to make it special for you?
I admire that you see marriage as being a family, as do I. However a lot of people here are happy not to get married, which is their choice, but I would suggest many of those have lost sight of what marriage means as it's been watered down by society.
I would also ask those people, why do you think people do get married? What is the significance of a ring?

My GF was the same with me, although I didn't buy a ring with her.
It was actually a few other people our age getting married that made me think I should do it sooner than later.
We both knew we didn't want to be engaged for years and years. It'll be just over a year now.

Are you in a financial position to get married?
If not, maybe he is waiting for some sort of spending money.

Don't loose too much faith in him.
If he hasn't proposed within the next 12/24 months, then take the advice above as that should be plenty of time for him to choose a moment. However every time you bring it up, he may re-start a clock as you are always expecting it.

Has he asked your dad?
Maybe he wants to but hasn't had enough time with him to ask yet. Give them opportunities to have that conversation.
Also give your BF opportunities to propose. So suggest days out somewhere nice (not theme parks obviously).

The more you pressure him, the more he may just ruin the event and say it to shut you up.

Good luck

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I don't wear my ring - we bought it for the "I'm engaged" pics but it just irritated me wearing it (I don't wear any rings).

I'd only wear a wedding ring if i found a comfy one.

It irritated my fianc!e too but after a couple of weeks, well now she can't be without it.

Mojisola

anotheruser wrote: »

Has he asked your dad?

Maybe he wants to but hasn't had enough time with him to ask yet.

Give them opportunities to have that conversation.

Are we living in a Jane Austin novel?!:rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

anotheruser wrote: »

I admire that you see marriage as being a family, as do I. However a lot of people here are happy not to get married, which is their choice, but I would suggest many of those have lost sight of what marriage means as it's been watered down by society.
I would also ask those people, why do you think people do get married? What is the significance of a ring?
.

Judgemental much?

System

Has he asked your dad?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

PenguinJim

anotheruser wrote: »

What is the significance of a ring?

Well, every good MSE knows the answer to that one (Possibly NSFW URL, but not an "adult" article). :beer:
(I still fell for it. 18K white gold, Swarovski crystals, AU$13 delivered... I was such a romantic back then!)

paulineb_2

Seriously, she's to wait another 1-2 years for him to give a ring he bought 6 months ago? If he wanted to give her the ring it could have been done 50 times over.

Some people don't have a dad. Wise not to assume.

notanewuser

GoldenShadow wrote: »

I also don't know anyone who takes their rings off in ordinary life. They always wear them, perhaps that influences my view also. I don't know anyone who wears them at certain times and not others, not unless they're at risk of damage. So they very much have the opportunity to act as a deterrent to others if you like.

I haven't worn mine for months. I've never worn them in the house (had engagement ring for 12 years, wedding ring for 10). DH rarely wears his. I didn't change my name either.

Pollycat

GoldenShadow wrote: »

Potentially.

Yes. I haven't said anywhere that I wouldn't want one. I'm not a huge jewellery fan really. Should my OH and I go down that route I would like one (as would he). That doesn't alter my view that they are also a mark of a promise made to commit, ie. I wouldn't go near anyone who was wearing one. They 'belong' to someone else via commitment.

I also don't know anyone who takes their rings off in ordinary life. They always wear them, perhaps that influences my view also. I don't know anyone who wears them at certain times and not others, not unless they're at risk of damage. So they very much have the opportunity to act as a deterrent to others if you like.

A lot of my contemporaries wear different rings.

Again - I really believe that the difference in my opinion and yours is - in part - due to the difference in ages.

We are most just in retirement or coming up to it with occupational/private pensions, any kids flown the nest long ago, houses paid for ages ago (and with a shedload of equity because of the house price increases over 25 - 40 years), substantial disposable income, lots of holidays.

Doesn't mean we think any less of the engagement or wedding ring that may have been on a finger for 40 odd years.

Maybe your contemporaries have other priorities for their cash.

As you don't have either an engagement ring or wedding ring, my viewpoint is obviously hard for you to understand.

I find the concept that a small band of gold, maybe set with a precious stone, can act as a 'deterrent' in a social situation pretty strange.