Major worries about benefits, mental health, rent and debt, clueless and can't cope

ScaredCrazy

I'm sorry I took so long to reply to this, the embarrassing truth is I got scared and ran away again. I don't blame anyone for suggesting my relationship is abusive, I realize it was said out of concern, but unfortunately (due to mental weakness on my part) trying to deal with the possibility and implications on top of my already unstable state proved too much, and when I asked my girlfriend for help in the matter she grew very upset and came to the conclusion I didn't want to be with her anymore, further stressing the situation.

I tried to be brief with details of my relationship, since I didn't think them relevant and I have enough trouble condensing my words already, but it seems my omission has caused misunderstand so I will attempt to clarify - for stuff relevant to the situation instead I will make another post.

When the conditions triggering my mental issues get bad enough, I become highly irrational and my behavior erratic, often focusing on a single issue to the exclusion of any more important ones, and no longer seeing that as not being sensible - whilst I have mentioned this to the psychiatrists, the only way of combating this I have ever found successful is to recognize and avoid the triggering situations in advance.

The time my girlfriend attacked me is one such situation. I'm scared of people in general, and consider home to be a safe place they can't get me. Dealing with anything I find stressful or scary I need to plan out in advance, or avoid until I have time to accept it. On that occasion, my girlfriend's teenage sister decided to visit late at night, despire being told not to (and consequently my girlfriend reassuring repeatedly that no one was coming). At the point she arrived, it was too late for her to get a train home, she had no food, money or place to stay in a strange city. I however, to my eternal shame, found myself unable to consider the situation and potential danger she was in, and became irrationally preoccupied with protecting myself from her, despite the fact that to a clearer mind it is obvious she posed no material threat. Consequently, I locked and barricaded the door, the pressed myself against the barricade and refused to budge to make sure my girlfriend's sister could not get in. My girlfriend needed to remove me to help her sister, and given that I was not listening to reason, and time for me to calm down was not available, force was her only option. To this day, my girlfriend is troubled by guilt over what she had to do, it is only I that feels she did what was necessary in the horrible situation I put her in. Incidentally, this is the reason that my girlfriend's family refuse to offer her any financial support unless she leaves me, a position which I can understand.

As for the present situation... Trying to understand and deal with the financial crisis scares and stresses me to the point of such irrationality - I can't sleep or cook in that state (and given my girlfriend is diabetic and unable to cook, this endangers her health), and when I get bad enough start hurting myself. In trying to stop me dealing with or thinking about the financial situation, my girlfriend is trying to protect me from harming myself, so the situation is somewhat more complex ethically. In other circumstances I would be forced to agree with her stance, the problem being she cannot accept the fact that she is unable to cope with the problem on her own, and thus potentially harmful or not I need to help.

She does not actually prevent me from going outside, but with my trouble walking and my social anxiety, would usually go with me, and so would understandably want to know why I was going out - having to answer her would lead to stressing her further and making her try to talk me out of it - I'm rather weak willed, and subconsciously constantly trying to find an excuse to avoid what scares me, so this may well succeed (which is what I meant by stopping me, not literally keeping me locked in or anything). Hence I thought it easier for both of us if I slipped out whilst she was still asleep.

ScaredCrazy

With regards to Citizen's Advice, I found out they weren't open, and the only opening times they list are by appointment only. Online it says appointments can be booked "by phone or in person", but if the only way to see them is by appointment, I don't know how to book in person.

Poppie68 wrote: »

OP is this £3000 per month or 6 monthly?

That's for six months fixed term, we don't have a monthly rent.

BigAunty wrote: »

He has readily dismissed contacting many of the expert support organisations and information that have been recommended, sometimes because the method of communication is something that isn't palatable to him.

Sorry, I should have clarified, whilst I am terrified of speaking on the phone (which leads to subconscious avoidance), that's not really the problem there; however uncomfortable it is I can force myself to use the phone, but still achieve nothing. I don't know how to explain it properly (beyond "autism"), but I find it very difficult to put my thoughts into words and sentences other people will understand, and to then speak clearly - when relaxed I can do this, whilst fighting with my fear, not so much (on past occasions people have hung up believing me to be a prank call when I couldn't speak clearly). Trying to think about what I need to say or figure out the answers to questions at the same time is nigh impossible. If I'm to manage at all with the phones, it would be very helpful to know what will be asked and what I need to communicate before hand (as evident here, I'm not best at determining concise and relevant details) - following a checklist is the strategy that has worked best for making simple calls in the past.

BigAunty wrote: »

It's almost as if he's hoping a single organization or person will visit him or do everything by email

As ideal as that would be, I figured multiple organizations might be a necessity, still, the fewer and more prioritized the easier and quicker I'll be able to manage them - trying to communicate burns me out, and as stupid as I know it is, I fall back into patterns of avoidant behavior - the more I try to overstretch myself, the more I risk failing to get anything done.

BigAunty wrote: »

some areas require her consent and for her to provide information and she won't oblige.

Surely there must be some kind of provision for people in this situation? I can't be expected to waterboard the information out of her, and even if I were inclined to leave her, I'd need access to some kind of finances to achieve that. What do they expect me to do?

When_the_going_gets_tough

Scared crazy ring the number for CAB and ask for an appointment. Explain that you have mental health difficulties and they should be able to make you an appointment. There are organisations who can help you , but I understand that accessing them is hard for you.

HoneyNutLoop

Have you considered using an advocate to help you with this? Someone who can invest the time needed to find out what you need/want and then speak on your behalf to the necessary organisations. This is a link to action for advocacy: http://www.actionforadvocacy.org.uk/articleServlet?action=list&articletype=20 which can provide more info on the subject.
This is a link to an autism specific advocacy directory. http://livingautism.co.uk/new-directory-advocates
I wish you the best of luck.

Morglin

You really need professional help, and someone to help you with it all, face to face.

Take the advice of other posters, and contact people like advocacy, MIND, CAB, your council Mental Health team etc.,

Also, go back to your GP, tell him you want to self harm, and let him know how urgently you need help.

Good luck.

Lin

ScaredCrazy

If I'm reading it right, the advocacy thing sounds to be exactly what I need, but all those links seem to be up north (Yorkshire in particular seems oddly popular). I think I've found something similar in this county, but it's confusing - I can't figure out if these things are only for people in care homes or if that's just one area they do, since all the webpages seem to talk about deprevation of liberty stuff.

I think I've got a good enough list of different options, but I need a priority to move forward on - trying to do everything at once is setting myself up for failure. As a first port of call, would I be better off contacting the advocacy people or citizen's advice?

Morglin wrote: »

Also, go back to your GP, tell him you want to self harm, and let him know how urgently you need help.

I fear I've misrepresented myself again, I most definitely do not want to self harm. I do however unfortunately end up hurting myself when I get overwhelmed, afraid and stressed (and this isn't the horrible stuff typically associated with self harm, but for example beating myself over the head with planks of wood until the pain is too great to think about anything else). I'm scared if I tell the GP I'm a danger to myself I might end up locked up for my own protection (which whilst it would solve some problems, would create others, and move me further away from getting my life back on track in the long run), and if not, all they'll be able to do is give me a prescription I can't afford to buy. The mental health team already know, but seem to be taking forever to get anywhere (21 days after my appointment and I've still heard nothing).

cattermole

My heart goes out to you. I don't think they would lock you up as you think and I don't think it would necessarily mean it wouldn't help you get your life back on track because you would be in the system getting the support you clearly need and are not getting at the moment.

Please go and see your GP and there is always the option to admit yourself as a voluntary patient. Banging your head with a plank until it hurts is very worrying and could cause you serious harm.

I really hope you find some support soon.x

ScaredCrazy

cattermole wrote: »

Please go and see your GP and there is always the option to admit yourself as a voluntary patient.

I thank you for your concern, and if it will help, I will book another GP appointment. But as for going into a mental home, whilst I do sometimes feel I just need to escape from all the demands of trying to cope until I can get better, it's sadly not as clear cut.

My methods of coping with my autism at present are:

• A familiar safe enviroment
• Controlling my life in a strict routine
• Support from my girlfriend
• Retreating to the other room, silent and alone to calm down

So whilst I'm sure there's a lot they could do to help me, just being there instead of here has inherent problems of it's own - kinda a no win situation.

Then my girlfriend needs help day to day - she can't cook or clean for herself, and needs someone watching and supporting her when things get too much or she gets bad impulses. I'm really hoping there's some kind of system that can support me getting into an appropriate job, which I guess wouldn't be happening from in there. Lastly, with the rent unpaid, what would happen when I came out? Wouldn't my home and possessions be gone?

I'm trying not to be completely closed to the idea, because something inside of me keeps telling me I'm not cut out to handle all this, but I'm very afraid of it making either my mental health or my situation worse, or helping me at the expense of my girlfriend.

cattermole

ScaredCrazy wrote: »

I thank you for your concern, and if it will help, I will book another GP appointment. But as for going into a mental home, whilst I do sometimes feel I just need to escape from all the demands of trying to cope until I can get better, it's sadly not as clear cut.

My methods of coping with my autism at present are:

• A familiar safe enviroment
• Controlling my life in a strict routine
• Support from my girlfriend
• Retreating to the other room, silent and alone to calm down

So whilst I'm sure there's a lot they could do to help me, just being there instead of here has inherent problems of it's own - kinda a no win situation.

Then my girlfriend needs help day to day - she can't cook or clean for herself, and needs someone watching and supporting her when things get too much or she gets bad impulses. I'm really hoping there's some kind of system that can support me getting into an appropriate job, which I guess wouldn't be happening from in there. Lastly, with the rent unpaid, what would happen when I came out? Wouldn't my home and possessions be gone?

I'm trying not to be completely closed to the idea, because something inside of me keeps telling me I'm not cut out to handle all this, but I'm very afraid of it making either my mental health or my situation worse, or helping me at the expense of my girlfriend.

Well from what you have said loosing your home is going to happen soon anyway, so both you and your girlfriend are going to be homeless (although she does have parents?) is that an option even with your problems, that you take their help whether they approve or not and try and work with them to give both of you a space and both get the help you need?

I honestly don't know and in a forum like this it is very difficult to give the best advice and clearly a lot of suggestions have been made and people are rightly so very concerned for your welfare.

Indie_Kid

You really need to look at sorting one issue at time. I honestly think that for now, getting a job isn't overly important. You clearly have other issues which need to be sorted out first.

Are you receiving any support from social services?