Major worries about benefits, mental health, rent and debt, clueless and can't cope

ScaredCrazy

Hello, I am very scared and I think things are very bad, I don't know what to do and hope someone here can please help me. Apologies in advance for my poor communication skill, the long post, and if it is not in the right place - there's several interconnected issues, I'm not sure what's relevant to what, and I was uncertain what the protocol for such is. This seemed the most relevant place, as the major issue seems to be people demanding money from me, and benefits the only way to get money in the short term.

I have a mental problem. I am still in the process of getting it diagnosed, which I am told will take some time, but I am told it is likely to be a form of autism, with several additional but related conditions including anxiety. I was brought up to believe it was to be hidden and to be ashamed of, and no excuse not to be normal and fully capable - consequently, I have not sought diagnosis until recently.

My problem means that whilst I technically can do a wide variety of things (albiet with frequent misunderstandings), they take an inordinate toll on me. Forcing myself to do these things, especially on a frequent basis, makes me increasingly stressed, upset, and prone to irrational or self destructive behavior. Further, some common tasks I am capable of doing some times but not others, with increasing stress and mental exhaustion making me less reliable.

So far in life, I have gotten by carefully controlling my circumstances to be within the realm of what I can cope with. I worked part time, in a shift pattern that wouldn't overload me, in a relatively safe job. Whilst some aspects of it pushed against my problem, I had unofficial support from a couple of sympathetic coworkers (they would lose complaints against me, take difficult interactions off my hands, invent 'work' in an empty room for me when I was finding it hard to cope, edit records with sick calls or holiday bookings when I couldn't make it in, etc).

Just over a year ago, I gained a condition whereby I become unbalanced and disorientated when moving my head for any length of time. Multiple visits with different doctors have offered and then ruled out a variety of diagnosises and treatments, but at present there is no definitive answer or progress toward recovery. After being sent to the hospital by work on a number of occasions, and then disciplined for it, my supervisor insisted that I did not go back to work until I was fully recovered. For some reason, I was told I would not get statutory sick pay because of working part time (this does not make sense: because I only worked part time I could not afford to keep savings for such eventualities, so surely I was in the most need?). The doctors have assured me at various points that I would be better soon, but it is no longer looking likely to be the case. I am now informed I will no longer have a job to return to.

I live in a privately rented flat with my girlfriend, who has mental problems of her own (only partially diagnosed as she became unable to deal with the appointments). Between my wages and her inheritance, we managed to just about cover rent, bills and food. Since I've no longer had an income, and with rising prices and bills, her inheritance has now depleted ahead of schedule. My girlfriend took to using her £2000 overdraft, and then used my debit card into £800 debt until my bank closed the account (I had no overdraft facility as I cannot mentally handle the concept of being in debt very well). My bank, and now a recovery firm, keep sending scary letters about court.

Our rent is paid in six month lump sums, with the next six month payment due to be cleared 27th this month. We have previously attempted to switch to a monthly contract, but the landlady refused unless we had a guarantor. When the previous rent was one day late, and she was told in advance it would be one day late (waiting for a check to clear), she proceeded to serve notice regardless - I guess this indicates she is not of favorable disposition.

We have no money to move, cannot drive, and are not in physical condition to move our furniture. We believe we are unlikely to get much of our deposit back. Further, other flats listed seem to also require either six months rent up front or a guarantor. So moving does not seem to be a feasible option.

Knowing the affect that worrying about our situation has on me, my girlfriend has insisted that I not think about or discuss it, and taken steps to hide details of our situation from me. Repeated attempts to insist we talk about it result in her insisting that I let her deal with it, then her shouting and then refusing to talk to me. However, with her own condition worsening, she now seems unable to deal with it and nearing a breakdown.

She has recently begun the process of applying for council tax benefits, ESA, PIP and housing benefit, though I am doubtful as to how successful they will be.

I am very scared about the whole situation, and feel I need to do something to help even if she refuses to cooperate, but I do not know what I can do and have several overwhelming fears about what it might entail, so I am here to ask for help.

I have some specific worries as follows, but need more general advice too.

• My mental problems seem to be severe enough to be unreasonable to expect an employer to deal with, yet at the same time, I do not think would score sufficient points for ESA. As a particular example, being able to cope with a minor unplanned change does not score sufficient points for ESA. Yet my understanding is that on JSA I would be sanctioned for failing to cope with such a change or not taking a flexible contract. This does not make sense, where do people in the middle go?
• Everything I have heard of JSA implies that it would subject me to the exact kind of pressures I can not cope with - meeting many new people, talking a lot, using telephones, frequently spending large chunks of time in public, being pressured to meet a target, no allowances made for when I have a day or two in which I can't manage to do anything. Further, I've heard due to cutbacks, there is little help for people like me available.
• The government criteria for things seem more concerned with what I am technically capable of, rather than what I am reliably capable of, or what I am capable of on a frequent, prolonged basis without further damaging my mental help.
• I am capable of doing quite a few jobs, so it's fair to say I'm capable of work, but the jobs I can handle are different from the jobs I think I'm likely to get. I'm highly skilled with many aspects of computers for example, and could manage more hours more reliably in an office environment. However I lack relevant qualifications and experience, and my social and communication difficulties make it hard for me to insistently convince people I should be hired. The common jobs for people without qualifications or experience however, seem to involve stressful tightly timed and performance monitored environments, dealing with customers, and large noisy environments full of strange people - all things which dealing with over any length of time tends to lead to very bad problems for me.
• My previous job I was only able to cope with due to limited, dispersed hours and unofficial help. I am worried it will be taken as an example of what I'm capable of, and I will be expected to take a similar job where I will be pushed beyond my limits.
• From what I've heard of the benefit system, cutbacks have resulted in attempts to find any reason to disqualify people, and you have to fight to get them - this is problematic in it taking time (we need several thousand pounds almost immediately), and in that I cope poorly in adversarial situations, and tend to lose control and act against my own interests by caving in to get the stress over with.
• There seem to be many ways to get sanctioned - this scares me, as when I'm worst affected I have been known to act against myself, and fear that in an irrational time I may purposefully try to get myself sanctioned in order to make myself suffer. Is there any way I can register this to protect myself from getting sanctioned such?
• I fear being forced to move. Unfamiliar surroundings make me uneasy to begin with, but more seriously I fear being forced into a one room flat (when pressures get on top of me the only way I can cope is to go into a room on my own, separate from my girlfriend, and sit still and quiet for a couple of hours until my brain detangles itself from the painful rush of problems and stimulus), not having room for our washer-dryer (I'm somewhat compulsive about clean clothes, sometimes having to change twice a day to keep myself sane, and between physical and mental problems, cannot get to a laundromat frequently or reliably, let alone afford the added expense), or being too far away from the doctor or the shop (both of which are hard for me to reliably get to already). This on top of not knowing where to get the money to hire movers.
• I do not have any ID, nor money to purchase ID, nor time to wait for it, nor anyone to verify it (my doctor's surgery refuse, I do not have friends, I do not have any contact with my family), and now I no longer have a bank account either.
• I have few assets of any value (mostly broken furniture and worn out clothes, it has been a few years since I had spare income after bills and food), but am scared the three things of value I own may be taken away - my computer (which given my poor ability to handle phone or in person interaction, is my lifeline to the outside world, and given lack of a TV license or money for books or hobby supplies, is my sole source of entertainment), my grandmother's iPad (which whilst not particularly useful, is all I have of her), and my collection of miniature figurines (which I've had for years and spent many hours assembling, modifying and painting). How do I protect these three things? Additionally, my girlfriend's computer whilst she paid for it, was ordered on my card (to combine shipping with a replacement part for my own), how do I protect it from being taken by people trying to get money from me?
• It seems I cannot claim carer's allowance until my girlfriends PIP goes through, my mental diagnosis will take time, and the doctors seem clueless about my physical problem, housing benefit I've heard will be paid bit by bit whilst the rent is a lump sum in advance, and in my condition, being out of work a while, and lacking relevant qualifications, experience or communication skill, I don't think it's likely I'll have a job soon. I have no credit rating or security for a loan. I don't know what the immediate short term solution is.

I really have no idea what to do, I cannot get through to my girlfriend, whose attitude seems to be have faith in God and the state and it will all work out okay, and the worry is consuming me to the point where I have trouble eating or sleeping, and have to fight not to hurt myself. Please, I am sorry to turn to strangers for advice with nothing to offer in return, but I beg of you, can anyone help show me the way out of this hell?

joyfull

I'm unable to offer any practical advice, and really hope that the many knowledgeable and kind people on this forum can help you. Your post has touched my heart, as I know first hand what a nightmare constant 'life overwhelm' is like. I wish you well, and hope that you find help and stability.

Indie_Kid

Very sorry to hear this. It may be worth visiting somewhere like CAB and getting a benefits check done and getting help with applying for benefits.

Thomas_The_Tank_Top

Go and see your Doc.

BigAunty

What are your actual specific questions - lots of context but hard to find out what you actually want to know. [Text removed by MSE Forum Team]

banking - anyone can apply for a basic bank account [Text removed by MSE Forum Team]

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/basic-bank-accounts

failing esa - most claimants don't get into the group that requires them not to have to seek employment, the majority get ported into the Work Related Group or onto JSA or recover before their assessments and withdraw. For info on how to apply, see the Direct Gov website. Why not go through the process before worrying unduly about the outcome- that's premature.

mental health and debt - [Text removed by MSE Forum Team]

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide

p00hsticks

I'd suggest you contact Shelter for advice about your housing sitiuation - and, if you haven't already, look into registering with your local council for social housing.

ScaredCrazy

Thank you joyfull for the kind words, I don't really know how to respond to such, but it is reassuring to have something cut through the illusion of a large uncaring world just out to drag me down.

sh1305 wrote: »

It may be worth visiting somewhere like CAB and getting a benefits check done and getting help with applying for benefits.

Thank you, I have looked into contacting them, but was unable to post on their forum and they say they are unable to help over their website. I will have to get to it in person, which will be hard without my girlfriend's cooperation and help getting there. I am concerned my poor speaking ability will impede me from relaying the necessary information. Is there any way I can get help from them in a textual format?

Thomas_The_Tank_Top wrote: »

Go and see your Doc.

I'm sorry, this probably sounds really dumb, but what would I say? I've already told them I'm worried and overwhelmed, for which I was prescribed prozac - I've had to stop taking this (no money to buy pills, waiting for free prescription), and was referred to a psychiatrist where my diagnosis is ongoing (due to underfunding, they are available just once a month).

BigAunty wrote: »

What are your actual specific questions - lots of context but hard to find out what you actually want to know. I can't be bothered to wade through your jumbled narrative.

I am very sorry, I knew I was posting too much, I am having trouble organizing my thoughts and didn't know what information was relevant. I guess in the simplest forms my questions are:

• How can I avoid being kicked out of my home?
• How can I avoid my bank taking everything or putting me in court?
• How can I avoid being forced into a stressful and demanding JSA system or job that is not designed for or sympathetic to my mental problems and may make my condition worse? (clarification: I want to work, routine is important to me, but I fear being forced into a job that's available rather than suitable)

banking - anyone can apply for a basic bank account so do it

Thank you very much, I wasn't aware of the difference, and have just applied for a basic account online. One worry off the list at least, thanks.

Why not go through the process before worrying unduly about the outcome- that's premature.

My girlfriend has applied for ESA already (from the letters I've caught glimpes of, they want more information from her, but she wont tell me more), I was of the understanding that only one of us can claim ESA or JSA. I do not know if it is wise, appropriate, or even legal to attempt to go through the process whilst that is ongoing. Additionally, I do not want (or expect) to be found unfit for work in general, only unfit for certain conditions (unfortunately, the conditions most likely to be found in the jobs most available to me). The upside of my autism is an amazing ability with numbers, logic, computers, physics and such, and there are many jobs in those fields that wouldn't overwhelm me with people or stress and would allow me to make a meaningful contribution to society rather than be a drain on resources. Just without qualification, communication ability or experience, I need help to get those jobs, as opposed to being put into a job, for example speaking to many new customers, having to use telephones, or be in large noisy spaces - conditions which from past experience erode my ability to cope and lead to very bad things. Unfortunately, I do not know what arm of the benefit system is most appropriate for my situation, especially given all the talk of cutbacks resulting in things not working how they should. Sorry, that was long too, I didn't mean it to be.

mental health and debt - read it and follow it

Thank you, I'm sorry I didn't mention it but I've already read that. Unfortunately, most of it seems irrelevant to my particular circumstances, being concerned with reducing spending (I have no money, so no spending) or repayments (no money, no repayments). I may have misunderstood, but I presume telling the bank of my condition is not helpful if I've already been contacted by a collection agency. The help from friends and family section, well, there's only my girlfriend, and I doubt she can cope any better than I. Lastly the online forms linked from there I cannot complete as my girlfriend refuses to give me the relevant information. I really don't know what to do about this, I cannot get through to her, between her mental problems and my own.

p00hsticks wrote: »

I'd suggest you contact Shelter for advice about your housing sitiuation - and, if you haven't already, look into registering with your local council for social housing.

Thank you, I wasn't aware Shelter helped people who weren't homeless (a situation I'm desperately trying to avoid!). I shall do this, but I fear social housing takes too long (I was under the impression my girlfriend had applied for this six months ago, but recently found out she'd been too stressed to do it and just said that to allay my anxiety).

Poppie68

If your girlfriend is successful with her ESA you can be added to her claim without the need for you to go throught the process...thi will give you some breathing space with regards to looking for a suitable job..have you applied for housing benefit and help with your council tax? You can apply on line on your local authority website.
You say you are good with numbers etc...how about maybe doing an online course for example in accounting? this would maybe then give you an option from working from home in the future.

speedfreek1000

p00hsticks wrote: »

I'd suggest you contact Shelter for advice about your housing sitiuation - and, if you haven't already, look into registering with your local council for social housing.

^^^^ this :money:

Also what phase of treatment are you and your girlfriend in?

Primary GP - IAPT or Secondary IPTT - CMHT or other?

According to the Council SNaP Team (Supported Needs and Placement) documents I have you need valid evidence from one of the above no older than 6 months about what is actually wrong with you. Shelter will tell you what a GP has to write in their letter for you. Your GP can also refer you to (here it's called) the Community Options Team. You get 6 appointments and they can accompany you to meetings and filling in forms etc if you have difficulty. Plus they will have a preferred homelessness orginisation they will tell you to see. But if you have severe problems then the below is better.

If you are in secondary services for investigation they should perform a functionality risk assessment which can then be used with access to the councils Housing Options Teams to get more support.

Be warned the Council can take a few attempts which is why preparation is key.

Also a lot of mental health teams will try and avoid their responsibilities to you once homelessness has been identified as a risk. Don't accept it and complain as they are supposed to mange your risks to facilitate treatment.

I've been facing eviction since June 2013. Still here though :rotfl: Usually it takes around 4-5 months to legally evict via a section 21 notice. I've also just had results from complaining to the Chief Executive of the local NHS Trust. Apparently I'm just unlucky? Once the tree is shaken though it's scary how quickly it can move

It would be worth you posting about the housing in the specific section and referencing your thread here in it. You'd need to condense what you've written here to the exact issue you want help with without all the extra waffle. They're a crackin bunch but the easier you make it the easier it is for them to offer advice :A

RAS

ScaredCrazy wrote: »

Thank you joyfull for the kind words, I don't really know how to respond to such, but it is reassuring to have something cut through the illusion of a large uncaring world just out to drag me down.

Hi CAP (rather than CAB) do home visits - nicked from the debt free forum here.

The places we'd suggest contacting are:
Christians Against Poverty

Debt counselling agency, which specialises in helping those who are emotionally struggling too. The religious focus is why they do it, not how they do it.

• Link: Christians Against Poverty
• Tel: 0800 328 0006
• Opening times: different for each bureau

RAS

Other thoughts for urgent consideration;

Check out MIND - they may have an out-reach worker who could assist you? Or help you get to appointments?

They may also be able to refer you to a food bank and be prepared to help with getting you there or getting it to the house?