Upset brother in law at Christmas

paulineb_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

You've apologised twice. That's as much as anyone could hope for. All this bad feeling over a bit of accidentally spilled gravy and a ruddy Yule log! Life's too short.

That made me laugh out loud.

DaveTheMus

usignuolo wrote: »

My brother in law has always liked his own space and so does my sister and a few years they decided to live in separate houses, very close by rather than together in one house., This may be unconventional but it seems to work for them. They are constantly in and out of each other's houses, work on their gardens together, holiday together etc.

We have always got on well as couples, even been on holiday together and my b-i-l was always a bit of a laugh. For the last three years however he has been working from home and also he has had some health issues which have made him a bit crabby. So he has become pretty introverted which he admits.

We agreed to spend Christmas with them this year, which meant him giving up his double room for us and staying in his spare which only has a single bed. (Could not stay with my sister as she was having building work done on her spare room.) He seemd happy enough about this.

I got a special request from my sister for my chocolate Yule log so my OH and I made a special effort making it and it did turn out well. On Christmas day their son and our son, now adults, came round forChristmas lunch. As my sister was taking out the turkey to the kitchen after the main course, to make room for the Yule log, she stumbled and spilt some gravy on the kitchen floor where it leads into the dining room. (The floor is dark brown rough surfaced tiles so not as bad as it might have been.)

Anyway my b-i-l has become very fussy about his house, everything has to be just so. So at this point everything stopped while he spent 15 minutes washing the floor and no one was allowed to proceed with the pudding course. My sister was trapped in the kitchen and not allowed back in with the Yule log until he had finished. By then my husband had dozed off and the boys had gone off to play computer games. I started to get a bit annoyed as I had made such an effort with the Yule log, and said, joshingly to my OH who woke briefly to ask what was happening, that my b-i-l seemd to have gone mad.

B-i-l heard this and looked up from scrubbing the floor and then went into a brown sulk for the rest of the day. He went to bed at 7.00pm in a mood and my sister said he had made a special effort for us and was really unhappy about what I said. This is not really like him, we give it and take it in our family and I suspect his mood is not helped by the medication he is taking. But we never did get to eat our Yule log together and it put a blight on the rest of our stay. I also felt he should recognise he was behaving a bit oddly and should at least have passed over the Yule Log for the rest of us to eat.

He was still upset the next day.I apologised on the day and the next day profusely to my b-i-l twice, which he has accepted, but there is now an atmopshere not least because I am nervous being around him (I am not known as the most tactful of people) and I definitely feel he holds it agains me for spoiling his christmas.

I don't want to keep going on about it but feel the need to do something to improve the atmosphere. Any suggestions?

My suggestion is you stop moaning about a Yule Log 3 weeks after the fact when you paint your BiL as some sort of weirdo for being upset the next day.

The man opened up his home to you, he's going through a difficult time due to an illness, he is on mood altering medication due to this illness, he gives you his bed to sleep on while you are there, made a special effort to ensure everyone had a comfortable stay.......

His crime?

To take too long to clean up a mess made by his wife in his OWN HOME and prevent dessert being served within seconds of dinners being cleared away.......

Now after knowing this man for decades you are 'nervous' around him....

Is everyone patting you on the back and telling you how well you've done to make a tasty chocolate and cream dessert so important to you that you ignore everything else you've written and fixate on this yule log...

You're post is almost comical if it weren't so sad.

paulineb_2

Id say the pair of you should just forget about it and move on. It really isnt worth getting upset over as someone else said, a bit of spilled gravy and a yule log. Did he eat the yule log or did it just sit on the table all night because he was so upset?

Ask him over for dinner, dont make anything with gravy in it and make a non christmassy version of the log for everyone to eat, or buy a cake from aldi, just realise that this really isnt worth everyone falling out over.

FBaby

He made a bit too much fuss over the mess, you made a bit too much of a fuss over your log but you are right that it is time to move on. It's just that you are a bit quicker than him. I'll get over it in his own time, in the meantime, leave him to it.

PasturesNew

It's just a s0ddin' yule cake... bit o' cake. I can't believe you took that attitude with him, in his house, over something that might have impacted upon his long-term enjoyment of his house, and/or potential slipping danger at the time, .... over a bit of cake.

melanzana

Someone is obsessed with Yule Logs here I feel...... Mentioned so many times in OP is a tad weird IMO.

flashnazia

Could your brother in law have obsessive compulsive disorder? If so, you calling him mad -even in jest - could be really upsetting...

bagpussbear

I don't think there is anything you should/could do further to improve the atmosphere to be honest.

I don't think you should have called him mad, even though I think his reaction is a bit extreme.

You have apologised sincerely a couple of times, what more can you do. I would just act normally around him like it's forgotten and I'm sure he'll get over it and act as normal soon enough.

mountainofdebt

I always remember my mum going off the deep end one christmas because we sprayed some silly string in her house.

Went totally OTT in her reaction.

Turns out it was the year before my parents split up and my mum was stressed from trying to make an effort to save the marriage.

Haven't tried it since though............

mrcow

Oh dear. You're being a bit weird about your yule log.

You need to just let it go and move on.