Upset brother in law at Christmas

Errata

15 minutes between main course and pudding? Happens all the time in the most expensive restaurants. It's called giving your stomach a breather.
Those who like to start shovelling pudding down 1 minute after the last mouthful of the main course has been gobbled are simply re-stoking the furnace, not enjoying a pleasurable dining experience.

jetplane

The atmosphere is because deep down you know that were out of order. You were annoyed so was it really in jest that you said you thought he'd gone mad or was it because you were irritated? I take it everyone was within earshot as no one could get past which means his son heard too?

Given all you have said about his illness and deteriorating health do you think it was easy for him giving up his bed, having guests to stay and hosting Christmas dinner? How can you compare the effort spent on a yule log (swiss roll with butter icing) with that? Maybe his wife stayed in the kitchen as she knew he was distressed, maybe you could have shown him some respect?

ostrichnomore_2

I think you were cross with the wrong person.

"By then my husband had dozed off and the boys had gone off to play computer games." How extraordinarily rude of all three of them to disappear between courses of a meal - why did you let your boys leave the table? Id don't care if they are only toddlers - they can join in with a meal properly and start learning their manners. Why did OH fall asleep? In 15 minutes?

blimey - Christmas dinner is a meal to be savoured. We are usually at the table for about 2 hours - this year we had a gap between the soup and main course, then a gap between the main course and the pudding, and another gap between that and some coffees. at which we sat like civilised people, having a conversation.

Let it go. As far as I can see, your family ruined the meal, not BIL.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

15 minutes between main course and pudding? Happens all the time in the most expensive restaurants. It's called giving your stomach a breather.
Those who like to start shovelling pudding down 1 minute after the last mouthful of the main course has been gobbled are simply re-stoking the furnace, not enjoying a pleasurable dining experience.

A gap might be normal, trapping somebody in the kitchen for 15 minutes and creating an enforced gap when there wasn't going to be one for the sake of a bit of spilled gravy is not.

Anyway, most people wouldn't take too much offence at such a throwaway comment like the one the OP made, friends and family call each other 'mad' and laugh at each other's little eccentricities all the time don't they?

For that comment to cast a shadow over the whole day and to still be causing trouble weeks later, there must be more going on.

jetplane

Person_one wrote: »

Anyway, most people wouldn't take too much offence at such a throwaway comment like the one the OP made, friends and family call each other 'mad' and laugh at each other's little eccentricities all the time don't they?

But we are not talking about most people, this is someone who can not live in the same house as anyone else so clearly was out of his comfort zone.

Person_one

jetplane wrote: »

But we are not talking about most people, this is someone who can not live in the same house as anyone else so clearly was out of his comfort zone.

Does that mean everybody should be walking on eggshells, and expected to be in the doghouse for weeks after every misstep?

securityguy

Well, the OP knows where not to spend Christmas next year, anyway.

bestpud

Your husband fell asleep at the table because his dessert didn't arrive immediately....

The two adult sons walked away and started playing computer games because they didn't get dessert immediately...

You had a strop because your chocolate cake didn't get a grand entrance...

And you think there is only one person to blame and only one person with a problem...?

I can see why your bil likes his own space!

jetplane

Person_one wrote: »

Does that mean everybody should be walking on eggshells, and expected to be in the doghouse for weeks after every misstep?

Yes in my opinion it does mean that you may need to walk on eggshells if someone is fragile, especially when they have made an effort for you, it is called respect. If you can't you don't accept the invite and the OP did. She is not in the dog house he has accepted her apology.

Georgiegirl256

I can't see that he has done anything wrong tbh. It's his house, he gave up his bed for you, he cleaned the gravy up (which could have been a slipping hazard), he accepted your apology even after you were rude about him,what could he have possibly done wrong? Oh I know....he didn't give your blooming Yule log it's grand entrance!