Upset brother in law at Christmas

Maz

Ye gods. You made a cake, the eating of which was held up while he cleaned up some spilt gravy and now you've all fallen out? Sounds like you all need to get a grip, seriously. I've never heard such a petty load of bollox.

Next year either go to an hotel or stay at home. Sheesh.

Errata

Host gets a bit fraught so one guest falls asleep, two guests clear off and another guest takes the mickey out of him. Not exactly Miss Manners is it.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

Host gets a bit fraught so one guest falls asleep, two guests clear off and another guest takes the mickey out of him. Not exactly Miss Manners is it.

Maybe they made themselves scarce because it was a bit odd and tense waiting 15 minutes while he mopped gravy and refused to let his wife out of the kitchen?

marmitepotato

15 minutes to mop up gravy.....it would have taken me about a minute at the most. Wipe, wash, dry......

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

I love the idea of being married but having separate houses, but maybe its not really working for him if he's getting obsessive about cleanliness to this extent.

Me too.

My sister makes me eat over the sink and would probably murder me if I spilt gravy on her kitchen Lino, never mind sulk! There's a reason we don't do Xmas round there!!

aileth

Not quite sure why a bit of spilt gravy takes 15 minutes.

Both sides sound like they had some blame. BIL should've let your sister out of the kitchen with the yule log rather than entrapping her there and then he could've spent all the time he wanted cleaning with no comments, your family should've been more patient on christmas day rather than wandering off for video games/nap after such a short amount of time, and the yule log needs to come down from its pedestal.

I made a requested 'grand' dessert for christmas day which incidentally never got touched because everyone was either full or too p*ssed and I'm not having a tantrum over it.

belfastgirl23

Honestly I think your BIL has mental health problems. Taking 15 minutes to clean up spilt gravy on a tile floor is not normal.

But therefore how insensitive was it to be overheard saying 'he's gone mad'? Did it occur to you that your sister is probably quite worried that he's experiencing some kind of depressive illness? Do you think he might have been in a brown study because you accidentally said about him what he's been worrying about himself?

Honestly I think you need to apologise here. Whilst to you, you said something in an exasperated way as a sort of a joke, I don't think that's at all how it was taken. And understandably as well, calling someone mad who has mental health problems is at best insensitive.

I am also guessing your sister needs your support here, she is probably worried and not sure what to do, as most of us are when confronted by mental illness. Again accidentally you have probably made an already bad situation worse. This might be a chance not only to apologise to her but to give her a chance to talk through some of her concerns.

I hope you don't think I'm blaming you because I am the queen of saying something stupid which hits a nerve. The thing is to own up to it and fix it before it gets any worse.

SandC

Christmas does not always bring out the best in people and is often fraught with anxiety as OP has found out.

I think it's best to just move on from this and don't stoke the fire any more by bringing it up - you may all be laughing at it next Xmas - or you may not. No sense in worrying about it now.

DaftyDuck

Family.
Christmas.

'nuff said!

Amanda65

I would be concerned that my husband had narcolepsy if he fell asleep within 15 minutes of eating !

Your BIL and sister hosted you and your adult son for Christmas, your contribution (as far as we can ascertain from what you have said) was a cake - and you think BIL, who has accepted your apology for being rude about him in his home, should be treated differently. Even though you know he is unwell, does not cope well with people in his space and is taking medication that could affect his moods.

Why on earth did you LET this become an issue?