Upset brother in law at Christmas

usignuolo

My brother in law has always liked his own space and so does my sister and a few years they decided to live in separate houses, very close by rather than together in one house., This may be unconventional but it seems to work for them. They are constantly in and out of each other's houses, work on their gardens together, holiday together etc.

We have always got on well as couples, even been on holiday together and my b-i-l was always a bit of a laugh. For the last three years however he has been working from home and also he has had some health issues which have made him a bit crabby. So he has become pretty introverted which he admits.

We agreed to spend Christmas with them this year, which meant him giving up his double room for us and staying in his spare which only has a single bed. (Could not stay with my sister as she was having building work done on her spare room.) He seemd happy enough about this.

I got a special request from my sister for my chocolate Yule log so my OH and I made a special effort making it and it did turn out well. On Christmas day their son and our son, now adults, came round forChristmas lunch. As my sister was taking out the turkey to the kitchen after the main course, to make room for the Yule log, she stumbled and spilt some gravy on the kitchen floor where it leads into the dining room. (The floor is dark brown rough surfaced tiles so not as bad as it might have been.)

Anyway my b-i-l has become very fussy about his house, everything has to be just so. So at this point everything stopped while he spent 15 minutes washing the floor and no one was allowed to proceed with the pudding course. My sister was trapped in the kitchen and not allowed back in with the Yule log until he had finished. By then my husband had dozed off and the boys had gone off to play computer games. I started to get a bit annoyed as I had made such an effort with the Yule log, and said, joshingly to my OH who woke briefly to ask what was happening, that my b-i-l seemd to have gone mad.

B-i-l heard this and looked up from scrubbing the floor and then went into a brown sulk for the rest of the day. He went to bed at 7.00pm in a mood and my sister said he had made a special effort for us and was really unhappy about what I said. This is not really like him, we give it and take it in our family and I suspect his mood is not helped by the medication he is taking. But we never did get to eat our Yule log together and it put a blight on the rest of our stay. I also felt he should recognise he was behaving a bit oddly and should at least have passed over the Yule Log for the rest of us to eat.

He was still upset the next day.I apologised on the day and the next day profusely to my b-i-l twice, which he has accepted, but there is now an atmopshere not least because I am nervous being around him (I am not known as the most tactful of people) and I definitely feel he holds it agains me for spoiling his christmas.

I don't want to keep going on about it but feel the need to do something to improve the atmosphere. Any suggestions?

DKLS

I would have told him to get a sodding grip and poured him a drink, he sounds a bit of a twonk reacting like that.

Person_one

usignuolo wrote: »

I started to get a bit annoyed as I had made such an effort with the Yule log, and said, joshingly to my OH who woke briefly to ask what was happening, that my b-i-l seemd to have gone mad.

I think you might be right!

Frankly, this situation needed your sister to be honest and a bit harsh with him and tell him that he was in fact acting bonkers and to get over it. Instead she seems to be allowing to him to think that its perfectly normal to press the pause button on Christmas dinner for 15 minutes to mop up a bit of gravy!

I love the idea of being married but having separate houses, but maybe its not really working for him if he's getting obsessive about cleanliness to this extent.

Mojisola

usignuolo wrote: »

Anyway my b-i-l has become very fussy about his house, everything has to be just so. So at this point everything stopped while he spent 15 minutes washing the floor and no one was allowed to proceed with the pudding course. My sister was trapped in the kitchen and not allowed back in with the Yule log until he had finished.

"Not allowed"!

And she stayed in the kitchen? No wonder they live in separate houses.

His behaviour was unreasonable. I would keep my distance for some time.

BitterAndTwisted

You've apologised twice. That's as much as anyone could hope for. All this bad feeling over a bit of accidentally spilled gravy and a ruddy Yule log! Life's too short.

harrys_dad

He needs help, and I suggest you try and persuade your sister of that too.

marmitepotato

You've said sorry to him twice and that's enough, lucky for you your sister lives in another house so hopefully your paths with your BIL won't cross too often. If they do, just be yourself, if he is still in a huff that's his problem not yours.

AcidHouse

Amazingly I know someone like your BIL. Christmas party. Glass dining table in their home. Two kids (guests) walked around it, pressing in their fingerprints on the glass surface while they were pulling some kind of dog toy. Owner of the house stopped hosting to get cleaning gear out and polished the table just-so, their equally house-proud sister helped.
How sad is that??

I wouldn't do anything. You were right with your overheard comment. But I wouldn't make a Yule Log next year either!

sexylulubelle

you have apologised to him twice??? and hes the one acting irrationally? I think he should be the one apologising...... sounds like he was throwing his toys out the cot.... I would let him sulk....

mouseymousey99

I'm with harry's dad, he doesn't sound well. He sounds depressed and no doubt his meds didn't help. Talk to your sister and see what she says, but I do think the chap is ill.

lika_86

Eating the Yule Log that you spent time over was important to you.

Cleaning up a spill in the house that he's spent time on was important to him.

Neither of you see the importance of the other to the other person.

You've apologised, he's accepted. Now you're acting differently around him because you think he thinks that you've spoilt his Christmas.

You're both as bad as each other to my mind.