Fallen out of love with my wife

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I ponder whether some of the replies would be different if the OP were female.

HBS x

BINGO!

How many women after 8 years of fertility treatment and then the whole adoption process do you think would be seriously contemplating walking away from husband and child at this point?

lostinrates

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I do agree with the fact the OP's wife is getting a bit of a raw deal, but he's allowed to have emotions and feelings...and I ponder whether some of the replies would be different if the OP were female.

HBS x

Yes he is allowed feelings. I'd feel exactly the same if a woman were writing. I cannot imagine having made a commitment to my DH AND a child, not just our child but the adoption process, and then feeling like this. It must be awful. But I'd be doing everything I could to try and make it work, for all all three of them, before giving up.


The adoption decision alone is hard, DH and I started the process and before going very far decided it wasn't for us. Its extremely difficult, no small decision.

fedup.com_2

My ex husband did something similar . Twice he told me he didn't think he loved me any more. We worked on it and as far as I was concerned everything was sorted and there was talk of renewing our vows and having new wedding rings, etc
Until the Third time it was "I love u but not in love with you and it's over" 2 days later I found a number I didn't recognise on our mobile phone bill that my ex had been texting all hours of the day and night.
It was a woman that he worked with who supposedly was just a friend until he left our home and started a relationship with her straight away.

He moved in with her pretty quickly and they are still together now . Is the grass greener for him, I have no clue as we don't talk at all and our children have lost all respect for their dad as he constantly let them down to spend time with his new partner.

Few years down the line he is no longer in contact with our children and they have never met his new partner or her children as he has never tried to get them all to meet.
Myself at the time the impact on my self esteem was horrendous I believed for a very long time that I must have done something wrong, or that there was something wrong with me. I now know that's not the case and he was just a coward and should have been honest from the start and not wait till he found someone that would want to be in a relationship with him. That was a cruel thing to do .

So op if you really feel that you are no longer in love with her please for her sake leave now and not leave her hanging on a string until you find someone else to have a relationship with as that kind of hurt takes a long time to get over.

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

Come back and tell us if you feel that way at 90.

I'd rather feel like it for a limited time than without it all my life

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

I'd rather feel like it for a limited time than without it all my life

Well, yeah, I think that's the point! That's what generally happens.

FBaby

Those are the times the respect and commitment and loving companion (for a while) and best friend stuff kick in to mean more I guess.

I do agree with that, but what the OP refers to is much more than having lost the excitment of a new found love. I don't even think he sees her as his best friends any longer. The fact that he feels he doesn't relate as much with his wife in terms of life aspirations is to me probably the most telling. I know that if I lost that with my husband, I would start questioning our relationship. However, and that's a big however, if I still loved him (which OP says he still feels for his wife), all my efforts would be to find it again with my husband rather than starting to fantasize about finding it with someone else.

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

Well, yeah, I think that's the point! That's what generally happens.

Let me rephrase then. I would rather experience sharing my life with my soulmate for 10-20 years than spending 50 years with someone who I consider no more than a companion.

Errata

However, and that's a big however, if I still loved him (which OP says he still feels for his wife), all my efforts would be to find it again with my husband rather than starting to fantasize about finding it with someone else.

The grass only looks greener because nobody's walking on it.

FBaby

So op if you really feel that you are no longer in love with her please for her sake leave now and not leave her hanging on a string until you find someone else to have a relationship with as that kind of hurt takes a long time to get over.

I think if I was in the situation of the wife, that's how I would feel. People can rebuild their lives, I have, my husband had and we are now very happy together when both of us were once upon a time devastated. I would much rather be given a chance to find deep love again, then staying with someone who ultimately isn't happy with me.

dandelionclock30

I think his wife needs to take the decision out of his hands and just tell him to get out. Honestly what woman would want someone who wasnt sure if they loved her? She would be better off by herself than have these head games especially when she got a child to bring up as well.