Fallen out of love with my wife

Person_one

matt_haw wrote: »

Not quite, if I could have them I probably would leave, as I can't I'm trying to decide whether it's in everyone's long-term best interests for us to split.

Oh your poor wife, how utterly heartbreaking for her.

All I'll say is that it's absolutely crucial that you give your counselling your all, be prepared to put the effort in and to really mean it. Don't be half decided that it's over before you've exhausted every avenue towards staying together.

You owe that to your wife, who hasn't done a thing wrong and is coping with a terrible rejection, but more so to your son. As you've been through the process of adopting I'm hoping you're aware that he has already had a really rotten start in life and that you leaving him now is likely to have a significant impact on him long term.

aileth

Is there really much point going to relate? Sounds like if this other lady was free, you would've legged it a long time ago, and the only reason you haven't is due to her being 'unavailable.'

So you go to relate with your wife, who you seem to be only staying with because it's convenient until something better comes your way, is the fact you're going to relate only to keep her sweet until a better opportunity? I wonder.

Bazey

Make sure the counsellor is female and hot.

tracie_80

OP I found myself in the very same situation as you & after parting and settling down again, I found myself in the same situation. I have come to realize that relationships can't always be exciting. Think very carefully.

paulineb_2

matt_haw wrote: »

That may be fair comment in hindsight but I did have some 1-1 online sessions with Relate which helped clarify what I was feeling. I read a book they recommended on this which advised to deal with things honestly and openly. I was getting snappy with my wife and son because of everything, so I felt it was best to get things out in the open so we could address it together.

You arent addressing things together, you are hiding how you are feeling about someone else from your wife.

cats2012

I haven't read every single reply but this sort of thread always reminds me of this little saying I've seen over the years...

A reporter asked a couple how they'd been married for over 60 years. They said "We're from a time when if something was broken we'd fix it, not throw it away."

When you got married you made vows to stand by the other person. You've had a tough few years, but just falling out of love and walking away seems a major cop out to me. You can't expect that heady passion to last forever, it will come and go, and if you were to find someone else the same thing would probably happen.

I honestly can't imagine how your wife must be feeling, I really hope you decide to work at this although now that you've said what you have i worry it may be too late.

DKLS

matt_haw wrote: »

That may be fair comment in hindsight but I did have some 1-1 online sessions with Relate which helped clarify what I was feeling. I read a book they recommended on this which advised to deal with things honestly and openly. I was getting snappy with my wife and son because of everything, so I felt it was best to get things out in the open so we could address it together.

Having been there, tread very carefully take some time (but not that much) and decide what you want then act to save your marriage or run for the hills.


Just remember that grass isn't always greener, but it is different grass, but may come with bald patches and be full of weed and dog eggs.

Amanda65

One of the favourite sayings I have heard about jumping ship from a relationship is

'The grass is greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullsh!t'! :rotfl::rotfl:

C_Mababejive

Pah..what is love anyway? Give me caring,mutual respect,and just getting along and enjoying life together any day. These things are much more tangible. We can all glance around and think,,well maybe there is more out there, or wow shes fit, id love to bed her ,or my friends have a better wife/life/car/house/holidays blah blah blah...

Thats life... Life can be good but to counterbalance it, it can also be boring,stressful,painful and sometimes it all becomes just too much and people just jump the rails,become a hobo or if they are really hacked off with it..kill themselves..

Rottensocks

paulineb wrote: »

I think you need to make that decision soon and to be honest I think even if you stay together, you might have a lot of work to do to repair the hurt thats been caused by what you said last week.

Hi Pauline. I do enjoy reading your posts, and agree with a lot of what you say, but on this occasion, I feel you may be 'projecting' a bit based on your own experience of rejection.

OP, there's nothing inherently wrong in telling your partner that you don't feel you love her anymore....But do bear in mind that youi have had a lot longer to come to this conclusion than she has: give her plenty of time to digest the information, and don't treat anything as a fait accompli.

I do strongly suspect that if she suddenly turned around and said " Fine, Get out" that you'd be begging and pleading for a reconciliation? Are you just hankering for a bit of flattery and excitement, and that's why this other perosn is appealing?

I can imagine that years of fertility treatment and trying for a family, and perhaps being the decision underdog in your household can lead to an accumulated feeling that you're all duty and no fun..... But it isn't impossible you can restore the fun at home. xxx