Fallen out of love with my wife

sulkisu

matt_haw wrote: »

....

Heard enough, you've made me see sense, thank you MSE.

Really? That was easy!


Seriously, you need to be 100% honest with yourself first and then your wife - that's the only way.

housebuyer2

I'm going to be harsh here because you need it

You sound like a very selfish and cruel little man - you need to grow up very quickly as you have a little boy who will be at a huge disadvantage in life if you walk out. You also have a loving caring wife who doesn't deserve to be told you don't love her

As someone who is about to become a father, I cannot imagine any circumstance that would make me move out of the same home as my child - and certainly not for the wishy washy reasons you state - you need to stop putting yourself first and put your child and your wife ahead of you - that's what growing up being, a man and being a dad is about

Get a grip and get real

Person_one

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Pah..what is love anyway? Give me caring,mutual respect,and just getting along and enjoying life together any day. These things are much more tangible. We can all glance around and think,,well maybe there is more out there, or wow shes fit, id love to bed her ,or my friends have a better wife/life/car/house/holidays blah blah blah...

Absolutely this.

To be honest, the thought of trying to be all lovey dovey, exciting, sexy and so on until death do us part sounds exhausting and pointless.

A relationship built on that premise can never last forever, sooner or later life will throw a bit too much harsh reality at you to keep up playing that game.

FBaby

I do believe you are no ladies man. Its not very attractive to a woman a man who leaves his wife with a little child because hes not in love anymore.A lot of women would just think you would do the same to them.

I personally would much prefer that my husband was honest and I could then decide what I want to do about it, rather than him pretending things were fine for the marriage to end anyway and having wasted all my time trying to invest in a relationship based on a lie.

The reality is that sometimes, couples get distracted in a marriage. They take different tengeant at different times and it make him seem that you have fallen out of love for good, especially when something else comes along to bring on feelings you haven't experienced for ages. You become convinced that you couldn't possibly feel this way again with your partner. But many people do. The feelings can, in some instances come back, and often even stronger than they were in the first instance.

However, no-one can deny that feelings do die and relationships have no chance of survival no matter how hard you try to revive it. Sometimes it is just inevitable and however devastating it is, it is in the long run better for both to be set free to start again.

The problem as I see it OP is that you haven't given it a lot of time to decide which one it is. You are aware that you have experienced things recently that don't help with the being in love part. It might not be fair to conclude that quickly that you couldn't possibly feel in love with your wife again.

I personally thing that you did the right thing to be honest, however, if you truly respect her, go to counselling and the rest, not to give you a good conscience that when it does end, you supposedly try your best so you can't be that bad of a person, but going into it believing that it will help, that you will make things work, because ultimately, what you do want more than anything is to save your marriage.

FBaby

To be honest, the thought of trying to be all lovey dovey, exciting, sexy and so on until death do us part sounds exhausting and pointless.

And I would not be able to live without it. The thought of being with a partner who ultimately is nothing more than a companion would send me spirraling into depression. I would rather be on my own.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

And I would not be able to live without it. The thought of being with a partner who ultimately is nothing more than a companion would send me spirraling into depression. I would rather be on my own.

Come back and tell us if you feel that way at 90.

housebuyer2

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Right, so 18 months ago, you considered your relationship so stable and long term, you adopted a little boy. Someone gave up their little boy in the belief and hope he would have a better family life than they could offer.... and now you are looking to renege on that commitment?


Love is an active verb, not just feelings.

Totally agree with this - if you walk away from that little boy now I don't know how you will ever be able to look yourself in the eye again - it is utterly shameful

When your little boy is all grown up how will you explain you reasons to him and do you think he will ever have any respect for you as a father or man if you walk away for such mundane and everyday reasons!?

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

And I would not be able to live without it. The thought of being with a partner who ultimately is nothing more than a companion would send me spirraling into depression. I would rather be on my own.

I've not had to cope with a child, but I have had to cope with serious illness, and truthfully there HAVE been times while I felt as romantically committed I didn't feel as excited, or up to doing anything about it.

Those are the times the respect and commitment and loving companion (for a while) and best friend stuff kick in to mean more I guess.

That said, the blips have been for us temporary, we've been in love through them, not 'out of love'.


Its quite possible to have both the excitement and butterflies (which I still have) and the friendship and respect co existing.

paulineb_2

Oh well, hes gone now. I'll just need to go and project somewhere else now

heartbreak_star

I do agree with the fact the OP's wife is getting a bit of a raw deal, but he's allowed to have emotions and feelings...and I ponder whether some of the replies would be different if the OP were female.

HBS x