Fallen out of love with my wife

matt_haw

....

Heard enough, you've made me see sense, thank you MSE.

paulineb_2

All I can say is, its really not very nice to be on the receiving end of an I dont love you anymore conversation, Id imagine she'll be hurting badly and if you dont want out, I think you owe it to her to tell her and use the relate sessions as a way of ending the marriage in the most positive way.

Ive never forgotten what it was like being told by my then bf that he didnt love me anymore, he decided later that he did, but to be honest, the relationship was probably over at that point. The problem is, when you hear that, you also hear, Im not good enough, its a massive body blow and it can massively knock your confidence.

I do hope that any spark you feel with other people doesnt end up in you finding that the grass isnt always greener on the other side and you also have a child together, even though hes young you also need to try and resolve your issues, even if thats just finding the most amicable way to split, so he doesnt end up too hurt as well.

paulineb_2

From a personal perspective, I wish the person who had said that to me had just told me he was ending the relationship, I do think sitting someone down and having the I dont love you anymore conversation is a bit brutal, I could have done well without it.

aileth

I can't give much advice, except for try and see things through her eyes, the man you've spent 11 years with, struggled for a baby with, and love has told you that he isn't in love with you. She must be feeling incredibly devastated, so try to be sympathetic.

I truly hope Relate works for you as this is a very sad situation.

dandelionclock30

You need to think about if you will be able to manage on your own and washing all your own pants/socks etc and cooking your own meals. Your friends wont be entertaining you on a night etc. Or are you going to wait until you've got another woman lined up to live with you.
You need to know that a lot of women will not step into your wifes shoes, a lot now dont want to be bothered with looking after a newly seperated/divorced man with all that baggage.
You really need to weigh it all up because the grass may not be greener and you may end up by yourself. Just because women at work flirt with you doesnt mean anything.For all you know they might just be winding you up for a laugh or becaus e they can.
Sounds like your wife would be better off without you as you are no catch really.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Have you had a relationship with someone else since you've been married? Do you have in the back of your mind that you'll be happier with a particular person?

stebiz

matt_haw wrote: »

we went through 8 years of fertility treatment which was stressful, but gave us a common goal

You need to do that again. Not have a baby but get a life together. Is she into football, theatre, music, history. If so you really need to get an annual ticket/pass and go and enjoy together.

You have been through so much to pack it all in. I've been with my wife 22 years. We've had some really rough times. Even wondered if it would last at times but came out stronger.

Good luck.

matt_haw

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

Have you had a relationship with someone else since you've been married?

No, just wouldn't do it. If I wanted to take anything further I'd end things first.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

Do you have in the back of your mind that you'll be happier with a particular person?

Yes, and feeling is mutual though pretty sure not going to go anywhere. If it's not her, I'm afraid it'd be someone else in future if things don't change with my wife.

JoW123

You need to feel in love again, you've had a recent temptation that could be more?? Are you saying you have someone 'waiting in the wings' so to speak? Because that is a completely different situation to walking away from a marriage to be on your own.

matt_haw

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

You need to think about if you will be able to manage on your own and washing all your own pants/socks etc and cooking your own meals.

I'm not after a skivvy thanks, we split our roles at home evenly and it's never been an issue.

JoW123

matt_haw wrote: »

No, just wouldn't do it. If I wanted to take anything further I'd end things first.


Yes, and feeling is mutual though pretty sure not going to go anywhere. If it's not her, I'm afraid it'd be someone else in future if things don't change with my wife.

How would you feel honestly if your wife said to you that actually she was not in love with you, she's met someone she was keen on and he felt the same way about her?? (I'm not having a go just wondering how you would feel if the situation was reversed)