OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

LavenderBees

BookWorm wrote: »

:think: Ooooh sounds interesting... are you able/willing to divulge any more details?

Ok - I've thought long and hard about whether to say what I am looking into. The downside is that I will feel extra cr%p if I get rejected knowing you (and everyone who reads this thread) knows it didn't work out, but I've come to the conclusion that there are more benefits to you knowing, because you can all be a lovely means of support and knowledge.

Well, I am looking into fostering. A complete change of life for me.

Putting aside every other consideration (and there are so many!), at the moment, I am investigating the financial side because, frankly, being a one salary household, if I can't make the finances work, then it is a non starter, however much I may want to do it.

I would be going from a reasonably good salary/company car, which is regular to an erratic self employed status on a very low income....not to mention having an extra body to feed and clothe, and try to provide the opportunities for personal growth for the child.

I have a foster agency ringing me later this afternoon so I can ask a few questions, but, having looked into the tax breaks, I think I would need to budget on £1k a month....for 2 of us, and running a (probably fairly basic) car.

Of course, I don't have a mortgage now which helps hugely, and my house is furnished. And if I save save save this year, I will have a cushion of savings to help me during the times I have no child allocated to me or the washing machine breaks down.

So...I guess my question to you singlies with a child or children is...is this possible or am I setting myself up for disappointment and failure?

My own feeling today is that it is do-able especially with the help, support and suggestions on the MSE forum...but in an hour, I'll be doubting myself again.

And that's just the finances going around in my head...you can imagine how all the other considerations are filling my head!

But if I don't look into it now, I never will. I've wanted to do this probably for the last 4 or 5 years, and now (or when I get my pittance of a redundancy) may just be the right time.

Any thoughts gratefully received...

LB xx

ellie99

That would be a huge change in lifestyle Lavender Bees.
If it's something you really want to do (and it sounds like it is) you're right to look into it and go for it if it's at all possible.

I'll admit my first thought was "how do you afford it with no job?" But then I didn't realise fostering was considered self employed and that there are tax breaks. Time to work out a detailed budget.

Having a child on your own is hard work (the practical things like when they're sick in the night or there's problems at school for example), and of course a foster child may bring extra problems. From reading on here I get the impression you would be brilliant at it

I was looking into fostering with my husband years ago, with the plan to apply when youngest was at school. But as DH died when youngest was 3, I never took it any further. I didn't want to do it on my own.

I have my fingers and toes crossed it works out well for you.

Right, I really must get back to work, putting off the evil moment because it's peeing down.

3forholidays

LB It would be a dramatic charge in lifestyle for you but could also be a rewarding one.

The car sounds like it could be an essential bit of equipment for the job - as you might have to take the child to school/appointments miles away.

It might be easier to consider getting a 4 door one if your budget could stretch to this. Nothing worse than trying to get a car seat and child in & out of a 2 door vehicle!

Best of luck with your enquiries and do keep us updated if you can

BookWorm

I've woken feeling very low today...all I want to do is go back to bed and hide away from the world...

I had set myself a goal to lose a stone in weight by Easter and as of today I've reached that target (so beaten it by a week) and even that isn't enough to make me feel less

Do you ever get days when all you want is a hug?

BookWorm

LB - thanks for sharing. Sounds like it's something you want to do and I wish you the best of luck with your investigations. I obviously can't offer any advice about children since I have none. However, there will be support here for you on the journey

3forholidays

I'm also like BookWorm in the fact that I don't have children so can't advise on the day to day care required. I do have a physical disability which affects my mobility hence where the advice to get a 4 door vehicle comes from!

greenbee

BookWorm wrote: »

I've woken feeling very low today...all I want to do is go back to bed and hide away from the world...

I had set myself a goal to lose a stone in weight by Easter and as of today I've reached that target (so beaten it by a week) and even that isn't enough to make me feel less

Do you ever get days when all you want is a hug?

Yes, and I'm lucky that usually my niece and nephew are available to oblige. However, i'm currently on a 10-day work trip, in a faceless corporate hotel. I could have spent the day in bed eating chocolate. But so far I've been out for a walk in the drizzle, had a healthy salad for lunch and am catching up on work (actually, I'm procrastinating on MSE) before going for a run in the drizzle later.

LB - I second the point about a 4 door. I'm too lazy to take the car seats out of my car (even with a 4 door) although they're only used every couple of weeks (they're quite good for holding shopping and handbags though...) as it's so much hassle. And with fostering you'd probably need a range of sizes depending on the ages you were dealing with.

mothernerd

LavenderBees I love the idea of fostering. I first enquired when DS3 was 3 years old (like adopting they need the child you take in to be 18 months older or younger than your own child, 'normal' family spacing to give the child the attention s/he needs). At the time they decided my house was too small (foster child has to have her/ his own bedroom) but asked me to get in touch again if I moved or extended as otherwise I was an ideal candidate.

When I moved to the larger house, the garden (only a small back yard here) and the possibility of fostering were what interested me. When we had up to 11 young adults staying at weekends, I so often thought 'if I could just have got to them a little earlier'. My son and his friends would go to the city on Saturdays and bring back every stray they came across, sometimes for their own safety. Amongst my son's friends two of the girls had been abused by 'family' members and one was expected to make herself scarce at weekends, when her father's gf visited. They asked so little really, ate anything you gave them and just to be listened to and given a little encouragement in thinking about the future.

My health and confidence hit rock bottom so I didn't pursue fostering again but someone who worked as a volunteer at playgroup and then became playleader did.

Do you want a small child or would you accept an older one? Do you only have room for one as there are many groups of siblings who they would like to place together. One child would be fairly simple (I know that's a silly thing to say) but I've brought up three boys single handed without a car (that's probably a requirement these days). I'm just thinking that only one means you could call for a taxi if you need to go to A & E in the middle of the night, you don't need to find someone to mind the others.

I took the homeless girl we had staying with us to out local walk-in centre once as the stomach pains she had had for several days suddenly worsened. I took her mainly because she had a complicated medical history and I wanted it documented (it goes on-line now) in case I had to call for an ambulance in the middle of the night and I couldn't answer their questions. The nurse said she would get a prescription from the on-call doctor, then came back to say that 'due to cut-backs' they no longer had that facility and I had to take her to the emergency surgery.

That cost £12 each way for taxis as the buses to that area (other end of the borough) had stopped for the night. I might have been able to find my way to the bus service that was still running in daylight with my map book, but not in the dark. I did try dropping into choir practice as one member lived in that village and would have given us a lift, but he was on holiday. When we got the prescription, having gone through parts of the medical history again with the doctor there (the girl had an extreme version of a medical condition, so I suppose medical people want to ask as many questions as possible, as they may never meet anyone else like that) we were given a prescription for something I could have got over the counter for a fifth of the cost and saved a couple of hours as well.

With DS2 in particular, I spent half my life at the local A & E (later downgraded to a walk-in Centre). As I once said to another rugby mum (she, her husband and both sons played) "It isn't a proper Bank Holiday unless you've spent three hours in A & E". Also spent time sleeping on the little canvas fold out beds in the children's ward (When you watch WW1 hospital dramas with a piece of canvas stretched across a metal frame - they all ended up at our borough's children's ward, for parents to sleep on, the floor would be more comfortable).

Another option is that some boroughs have a service for children coming out of the care system at 16, where you give them a room (paid for) and teach them basic life skills - learning to budget and cook for themselves etc but they are not dependent on you in the same way.

Sorry I've wittered on for far too long. Wishing you lots of luck and will help / support you in any way I can, identifying strange spots etc.

Hugs for Book Worm and greenbee. I am having a nothing day but have had too rather heavy days and want a little down time. I had to persuade a rather pleasant drunk that I was fine (just tired) yesterday evening - several times as he got upset as to whether he should have asked me or not "What is an average fellow to do? Wrong if you ask, wrong if you dont?"

springdreams

Hello :hello:

The alphabet thread has stalled :eek: We need an X to get it moving again please

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5181314

Nothing exciting to report from me. The weather is miserable so I'm having to dry my washing indoors. The dog (a westie) has spent the morning being groomed so looks lovely and clean again ... won't last long though as he likes to roll around in the mud.

Looks like loads has been going on here, so will go have a catch up now.

springdreams

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

Much better thanks Byatt. Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts while I've been sniffling. Had to go back to work today & my legs & feet are aching. I feel ancient :rotfl: It was nice to see the gang, but some of the other staff didn't even comment, not a "Nice to see you're back" or "Are you feeling much better", not even a hello from some of them. No manners



Aren't you supposed to carb load before the exercise?



Crikey Byatt, that was a lucky escape. When you said about voices I was wondering what you were going to post :rotfl:

DD & DS have just gone away with their Dad, his current wife & their 5 year old son for over a week - I don't get them back until Easter Monday :j. They're going skiing (which I loathe) so I'm sure they'll have a great time; DS is a bit worried about the plane flight though And he doesn't like being away from me either. DD quite likes being away from me (having just been with me for almost 2 months I think we're due a break), but she doesn't want to be with her Dad & Step Mum either. Fingers crossed she isn't too teenage on the holiday

I'm not sure what to do with my sudden week of freedom. The holiday was last minute, so I haven't planned anything. I don't have a burning desire to go anywhere particular, but think I ought to do something as I may not get time off again till the summer holidays.

I envy the single parents who get some me time when their offspring are off visiting the ex. This never happened with my DS as my ex skipped the country shortly after we parted so that he did not have to do the weekend and holiday parent thing, or pay child support so it has been just DS and I for nine years now.

Fortunately he is starting to socialise now, and spends many Saturday afternoons playing football at a local 5 a side with his friends, so I won't see him until about 6ish tonight.