OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

springdreams

I'm a Ms and prefer it over Mrs or Miss

I was a Mrs and reverted back to my maiden name after my divorce, but do not feel that Miss is appropriate.

It really annoys me to be automatically called Mrs Springdreams, simply because of my age and the fact that I have a son.

Mrs_Bones

Well I guess Byatt and Springdreams that between us we've answered Need2bthrifty's question about why women have a mixture of prefix words. While men are happy with one, us women are much more picky about which words we think suit us better. You both prefer Ms. while me and lostinrates are not fond of the term. I'd much prefer either Miss, Mrs. or even Mistress to Ms. and the presumption of age thing doesn't bother me at all. It's all down to individual choice and personal feelings. It's in a similar way that I'm not personal struck on the term Housewife but I happily call myself Hearthkeeper. It's all down to how we look at the words and what they mean to us.

BookWorm

Thanks for the many bday wishes

I had a good chin wag with a friend over lunch. Somehow I managed to pick a pub where the chef hadn't turned up today so choice of food was somewhat limited We decided to see the humour in it and still managed to have a grand old time.

Back home now and listening as suggested to the 'group track' and about to open a bottle of bucks fizz (leftover from Xmas) and drink it all to myself because I can :rotfl:

No onesie here but I do have my comfy tracky bottoms on - will that do? lol

BookWorm

I don't mind whether people call me Miss or Ms but I do think that being Miss later on in life makes other people often have a different perception of you (whether rightly or wrongly).

From reading the various posts - guess that it's different for everyone for all different reasons.

moneyistooshorttomention

Personally, I never put a title.....and then I usually feel pushed by the other person demanding to know if I'm Miss or Mrs or just assuming I'm Mrs and have to give a title at that point, and am deliberately slow in giving one (as a way of saying "Why are you asking me. You wouldn't ask a man") and then say its Ms.

Reason being that, if I must have a title, then I'd be Ms Money regardless of whether I was or wasn't married. I would have kept my own name, even if I had got married. I just didn't want to get into the explanations about "I know I'm called Mrs Hubbie now...but I used to be called Miss Myself" and have to explain that the person who did such-and-such and knows so-and-so is indeed me and I was once called Miss Myself. So "Yep...its the same person here".

I just felt that I would lose my own identity if I took on someone else's name just because I'd married them.

I guess that's the whole idea, ie that women take on being called Mrs Hubbie when they get married and give up their own identity/their achievements/etc and then play "second string" thereafter to Mr Hubbie.

Blow that. I'm a person in my own right and proud of some of the things I did when younger. I would have felt resentful that Mr Hubbie never had to explain himself and what he'd done with his life so far, because people would instantly know "Oh yes...that's Jim Bloggs that did so-and-so/knows so-and-so/etc".

lostinrates

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Personally, I never put a title.....and then I usually feel pushed by the other person demanding to know if I'm Miss or Mrs or just assuming I'm Mrs and have to give a title at that point, and am deliberately slow in giving one (as a way of saying "Why are you asking me. You wouldn't ask a man") and then say its Ms.

Reason being that, if I must have a title, then I'd be Ms Money regardless of whether I was or wasn't married. I would have kept my own name, even if I had got married. I just didn't want to get into the explanations about "I know I'm called Mrs Hubbie now...but I used to be called Miss Myself" and have to explain that the person who did such-and-such and knows so-and-so is indeed me and I was once called Miss Myself. So "Yep...its the same person here".

I just felt that I would lose my own identity if I took on someone else's name just because I'd married them.

I guess that's the whole idea, ie that women take on being called Mrs Hubbie when they get married and give up their own identity/their achievements/etc and then play "second string" thereafter to Mr Hubbie.

Blow that. I'm a person in my own right and proud of some of the things I did when younger. I would have felt resentful that Mr Hubbie never had to explain himself and what he'd done with his life so far, because people would instantly know "Oh yes...that's Jim Bloggs that did so-and-so/knows so-and-so/etc".

I've never felt second string to DH because of his name. We did discuss both changing to something new but decided not to.

I'd had a different to my birth name name for work. My mother had a professional name, his mother worked under her maiden name for work, We were familiar with the alternatives. I actually still have a miss maiden name identity financially as well as a mrs rates. I feel like I am both people or neither. 'Lost' (or its real life alternative is an unusual enough name that I have never met another, and I am the only one any one I know knows, So I am generally just lost, or a derivative of lost to people who know me. Its so unusual I give a derivative of it when I meet people via Internet because il think I might be the only one. . It puts rates in to pale insignificance apart from the fact rates sounds really good after lost, lol.

Need2bthrifty

Turned out to be a great day for a walk but after doing 6 miles in my ‘un-broken’ hiking boots I have removed the skin from one heel – bought some of that second skin stuff and……. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, almost passed out with the stinging pain it caused :eek: :eek: :eek:

LIR – I think you are right it is a question of perspective – I grew up frequently hearing the term “spinster of this parish” or hearing it used in a derogatory fashion as if the person were someone to be pitied (or of a certain age and still unmarried). I never heard the word “bachelor” used in the same way and to honest I can’t remember the last time I heard of an unmarried man referred to as a bachelor.

I use both Miss and Ms, depending on the situation, if my marital status has nothing to do with it then I use Ms - middle ground and keeps them guessing , but am also at the age where everyone assumes I am a Mrs - yes I am Mistress of my house and proud of it – but I am a spin-ster and love spinning around in a way that suits me and my life :rotfl:

moneyistooshorttomention

That's the thing, to my mind, about the word spinster or the title "Miss". It feels like no-one "wanted me" and that isn't the case and I also get fed-up with explaining that I had several chances of getting married, but none of them were Mr Right and hence I didn't do so.

Men never have to explain why they didn't get married it seems to me...so why should I have to? Mind you....there often seems to be a very good reason imo as to why any men in my agegroup have never married and it often boils down to one or other of "Who would have wanted them?" or they were deliberately "playing the field right left and centre and marriage would have clipped their wings", ie not my own personal explanation of singlehood, which boils down to "If you haven't met Mr Right, then you couldn't marry him could you?" which does seem to get accepted without further quibble.

calicocat

Hellooo people...nice to see a good debate going on. I haven't had time to read it all as just got in from training....which actually was really good compared to the usual glue your eyelids open to look interested, either that or paint eyes onto your closed lids.

Spinster apparently did come from the time of spinners, they were revered as something good, as they had a trade which was financially above the norm, unusual for the time in general as a woman and who could make a lot of money, and therefore always look after themselves due to this.

Mrs_Bones

calicocat wrote: »

Spinster apparently did come from the time of spinners, they were revered as something good, as they had a trade which was financially above the norm, unusual for the time in general as a woman and who could make a lot of money, and therefore always look after themselves due to this.

Going slightly off topic but I've always fancied learning to use a spinning wheel, anyone here ever had a go at spinning?

It's interesting what you say about spinners earning good money CC, that was the same with pillow lace makers. My great great grandmother would have been the main earner in the home in the 1800's as she would have earned more than her farm ag labourer husband and after he got blinded in an accident I'm sure that it became even more essential she earned a good wage.