OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

CRANKY40

lessonlearned wrote: »

Tables at restaurants..

Reminds me of my husband when he was but a callow youth., just 21.

He strolls into this posh restaurant with a couple of friends. He was in full hippy mode paint spattered jeans, ripped t shirt long flowing locks.

Snooty waiter tried to turn them away saying no room.

My OH pointed to a spare table which was holding linens! crockery etc. and enquired quietly in his well modulated tone "Tell me, is that table reserved"

The waiter admitted it wasn't.

my husband replied "Then we we'll have that one. We will be at the bar whilst you set it for 3"

The waiter soon changed his tune, he almost saluted my husband.

What my husband lacked in dress sense he made up in charisma. He had it in spades and could charm the birds of the trees.

Funeral tomorrow. I've got a few butterflies but I'm sure it will be fine.

I had a charmer too :rotfl:. Hope tomorrow goes how you have planned and if you get stuck with any of the paperwork give me a shout. Been there, seen it, done it.

After my husband died when our son was 4, his family stopped bothering with us. Fair enough if they didn't like me, but what could my small son possibly have done? Over the years since (the boy is nearly 10 now) there have been sporadic phone calls and the occasional visit but not much. I'm through being cross with them on behalf of my son. Three months ago we moved house and he specifically requested that we did not provide his late father's side of the family with our new address. I reckon he's smart enough to know his own mind so I've done as he asked.

moneyistooshorttomention

I get the point it would have been rude to ignore the waitress standing there. Hmm....wonders what a replay of situation could go like???

I think I would have probably smiled at the waitress in acknowledgement of her presence and then walked into the room I thought most likely (the small bar room) and "just got on with it" (checking with the bartender whilst I got my drink by just saying enquiringly "I've got the right room for the band haven't I?"). Bartender would have only 2 possible replies to that, ie "Yes you have" or "Its the other one".

LL - that's a possibility, as to whether throw-outs are less likely if the voice indicates "They're probably better-off than their clothes would seem to indicate"??

Mind you, I'm a bit of a bolshie so-and-so if T'Other Person is in the wrong and telling me there isn't something that I can clearly see there is and I've just got on with using whatever-it-is before now that someone was trying to tell me didn't exist and hoped they wouldn't create a scene and if they did...they wouldn't have got quiet compliance in return. Ahem....I have had one incident reported back across the country from a work context, to which my response when it was commented on was to point out the refuser was lying to me, and hence I'd gone ahead...

But I'll admit to a tendency to say so when I've noticed someone is lying to me....LOL. Bad MITSTM...slap own wrists..

Byatt

Hindsight is always 20:20, and if I was going somewhere for a hopefully enjoyable evening I wouldn't want to start off in a bolshy mood even if it got me the service I was entitled to. I'm not sure I would ever accuse someone of lying unless I had absolute proof ; at the end of the day establishments can choose who they want under their roof. As for a speaking voice, well my voice can be posh or fish wife depending on the occasion.

I do envy those with children who are supportive of them, when dealing with family. My DD because of her autism, is not able to see the bigger picture and loyalty or an understanding of how someone really is, just doesn't present. It's a very lonely place to be, realising you are on your own totally.

LL, I will be thinking of you also tomorrow, but also for the days ahead, when things quieten down...and you have time to reflect. Take care, hugs. x

3forholidays

LL Thinking of you tomorrow.

People often make snap judgements. Because I have a disability I am unsteady on my feet and my speech is sometimes unclear but people might take one look at me and assume that I'm drunk. I don't have any issues with people making comments at the moment as I rarely go out unaccompanied but I have had issues at high school with bullying hence why I don't have any friends my own age.

At my primary in the mid 80s they didn't let me out in the playground during breaks (too dangerous as I was liable to fall) so I didn't get much of an opportunity to make friends.

I had one friend at primary school who was also disabled but she ended up going to a different high school.

My classmates at high school probably thought I was a bit weird and I did make attempts to talk to them but wasn't welcomed so ended up going about on my own.

I've often looked back over the years and wondered if I could have done anything different but I don't think that I could have done anything as you can't force anyone to be friendly.

Sorry for rambling on ... Hope everyone is keeping well.

lessonlearned

I think quiet confidence is very important, you don't have to rude, Bolshy or obnoxious.

My husband didn't have a "posh" voice. He was no Hooray Henry. he never, ever swore, he spoke quietly and gently and never raised his voice, not even when he was seething. he was just quietly confident and dignified. I think the waiter just recognised this, even though my husband might have looked like a yob he was clearly a gentleman.

although he scrubbed up well and always wore a suit and tie for work, on his days off he often wandered around looking like a tramp.

I think self worth, self esteem and quiet confidence are the best gifts we can give our children.

Both my OH and I were brought up in an age when politeness was just drilled into us. The mantra was "manners maketh man", no grabbing, shoving or pushing in, no queue jumping. Always giving up your seats to elders, always saying please and thank you. Shaking hands, standing up to greet someone, helping ladies with their coats or chair, opening doors etc.

We taught our boys to observe all the little social graces. Knowing how to behave and how to treat people well has given them that same quiet self confidence and dignity. Just like my husband they now also command that same level of respect.

Cranky - how cruel of your OH.s family to abandon you both like that, especially your son. You would think that after losing their adored son, his son, their grandchild, would have been even more precious to them. In the end they will regret it, the loss will be theirs, not yours or your boys.

Nowt so queer as folk.

All set for tomorrow. Just got to de-thorn the roses for the morning. Better get started. 48 is a lot of roses. :rotfl:

Byatt

3forholidays wrote: »

LL Thinking of you tomorrow.

People often make snap judgements. Because I have a disability I am unsteady on my feet and my speech is sometimes unclear but people might take one look at me and assume that I'm drunk. I don't have any issues with people making comments at the moment as I rarely go out unaccompanied but I have had issues at high school with bullying hence why I don't have any friends my own age.

At my primary in the mid 80s they didn't let me out in the playground during breaks (too dangerous as I was liable to fall) so I didn't get much of an opportunity to make friends.

I had one friend at primary school who was also disabled but she ended up going to a different high school.

My classmates at high school probably thought I was a bit weird and I did make attempts to talk to them but wasn't welcomed so ended up going about on my own.

I've often looked back over the years and wondered if I could have done anything different but I don't think that I could have done anything as you can't force anyone to be friendly.

Sorry for rambling on ... Hope everyone is keeping well.

Hugs, my DD was bullied badly at school, from reception class onwards and by one teacher also, so I can understand how you feel. It was often the intelligent, popular, well brought up children who did the worst of it or instigated it. You couldn't have done anything differently although I am sure the school could have.

Winter_Phoenix

Byatt wrote: »

I do envy those with children who are supportive of them, when dealing with family. My DD because of her autism, is not able to see the bigger picture and loyalty or an understanding of how someone really is, just doesn't present. It's a very lonely place to be, realising you are on your own totally.

Byatt, that must be so very difficult for you. You have my sympathy.

And I'm now counting my blessings that autism or a similar problem didn't occur in my own offspring.

lessonlearned

My SIL will be arriving shortly, with her daughter, our niece who will be 30 today. Our niece has Aspergers. It is quite severe. she is a lovely girl but unfortunately she too was badly bullied at school because of her condition.

I can understand how other children do this, children can be such little shoites:rotfl:

However the schools need to be vigilant and nip bullying in the bud. so often they bleat on about their anti bullying policies, but they seem to do precious little.

As a child I had a severe stutter (probably as a result of my bullying father). Some of my teachers were worse bullies than the kids....making fun of my stutter and tormenting me.

My youngest boy has dyslexia - fortunately he was never tormented or bullied

Byatt

I think confidence is on a spectrum, I can be confident when I feel that I am on a sure footing, know what I'm talking about for instance...it can be reduced if I feel unwell or stressed or a stray comment from someone knocks me. It can be up or down when in a group of strangers or friends...or I am in an unfamiliar place...or I can blag it with the best of them...

I don't have that overall, constant confidence by any means, and in my whole life probably only experienced it for 2-3 weeks after holidaying on my own in the USA. The people around me, when I came home, didn't like the new confident me so it was eventually eroded again.

Sooooo, blagging it often works

Going to watch GBBO...:D

Have stocked up on My Boy cat's food supplies for the winter, some good offers on Zoop£us...just hope he doesn't go off the food before it's all eaten!

Byatt