OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

calicocat

MummyBobble wrote: »

Calicocat, hope your friend joins us, there's a lot to be said for having somewhere to brag, moan, just share what's going on or ask for help and advice, especially when you can't always talk to the people who know you in "real life". LB, thanks so much for starting this thread :-)

I think she would love it here.

I think because of my age (I am 15yrs older than her....yet i'm first port of call if something goes wrong)...and the way I Talk that she thinks singlie 'mothers' aren't the norm. I keep telling her to have a read. She would really get support from you singlie mums.

This is the friend who has 'vile child'....lol.





I'm wondering if a sloth puppy is a bit like a bloke!?...lol......?

Edit again...there are limited toms from my plants, but I should really sun-dry a couple and sent down to you Byatt....lol.

moneyistooshorttomention

ellie99 wrote: »

Mmm, that's interesting to think about.

I think if you're single, but have a boy/girlfriend, then you can still be classed as a singlie because you have your own house to run/ financial things to cope with.

On the other hand...if you have a partner, even if they don't live with you...you then have (in a good relationship at least), someone to talk to and bounce ideas off when you're making decisions...someone to go out with on nights out... someone to go on holiday with...someone to share a meal out with (and not be refused entry because you're alone )...someone who's interested in how your day's been...someone to provide a bit of you-know-what!...and someone to go to events like weddings with (a bugbear of mine )

So I think to be a "hard core" singlie there shouldn't be a love interest, unless it's very casual, because you would have someone to do all the things we seem to find a challenge doing alone.

Very valid points.

That is one of the main (Non-financial) bugbears of being single. That is, that there is no Automatic Other there to beam with pleasure/celebrate/etc when you've managed to achieve something good on the one hand. No-one to "mop your fevered brow" automatically if you are ill (eg do the shopping and housework for you) and generally sympathise if the world has just kicked you in the guts.

There are times when people will think you are more vulnerable as a single (probably particularly true of women alone) and "try it on", when they would be less prone to if there was a Man Indoors. I've seen the, quite visible, difference with a certain liberty-taking neighbour since its become obvious to the Little Sod that I've started making friends/getting some support around the place and can't help wondering if Little Sod Neighbour would give up rather more of their shenanigans if there was an obvious Him Indoors. They're beginning to take me seriously/see I'm no-one's fool, but I cant help feeling that point would have come sooner if Little Sod Neighbour had a couple next door instead of me. Just someone to have a laugh with at the look on Little Sod's face one time when they first began to realise they had underestimated me would have been priceless...

ellie99

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

No-one to "mop your fevered brow" automatically if you are ill (eg do the shopping and housework for you) and generally sympathise if the world has just kicked you in the guts.

Good point, I'd forgotten about being ill...and being a single parent and self employed means carrying on when ill unless I'm too ill to get out of bed...luckily I'm pretty healthy

Were the sloths good? I missed them because I had to go to the supermarket...because I was too sloth-like to go earlier in the day.

Horace

I saw the end of one sloth (sorry that doesn't sound right at all), I saw the end of the sloth programme with the poorly sloth, the baby wallabies and the koala called Dan.

Meant to go to the supermarket earlier but was too lazy and was forced to put a scraping of stork marg (I use it for baking) on my bread for a cheese n tomato sandwich. So lazy was I today, I couldn't even be bothered to cook dinner and ended up eating porridge at 8.45pm. I did two bowls of porridge (made too much) so ate one with cherry jam and the other with golden syrup.

I am in full cba mode today.

lessonlearned

ellie99 wrote: »

Good point, I'd forgotten about being ill...and being a single parent and self employed means carrying on when ill unless I'm too ill to get out of bed...luckily I'm pretty healthy

Were the sloths good? I missed them because I had to go to the supermarket...because I was too sloth-like to go earlier in the day.

I have a back which pings every so often. If it really seizes up then it can be pretty grim. I've learned that I need to keep plenty of supplies in the house because it can be week or so before I can shop etc.

I usually have a few easy bits in the freezer so that I can just shove something in the oven. I also only ever have an automatic car, so that once my back unlocks and I'm at the shuffling around stage I can at least drive.

moneyistooshorttomention

Is that a business opportunity you might like to think about LessonLearned (ie an agency for temporary "housekeepers")? I've often thought there might be a market for such people for singlies who cant manage the "basics" of everyday living at times they are ill.

I devised a scheme I could/did call on back in my home area for things like this, but there isn't any such thing here and I'm wondering how to "fill the gap" if need be here. I'm making friends here and could call on them to some extent, but it's good to be more self-sufficient than that. With the exception of Little Sod Neighbour neighbours are generally helpful in this area, but the ones living near me tend to be rather elderly and not in the best of health themselves.

ellie99

lessonlearned wrote: »

I have a back which pings every so often. If it really seizes up then it can be pretty grim. I've learned that I need to keep plenty of supplies in the house because it can be week or so before I can shop etc.

I usually have a few easy bits in the freezer so that I can just shove something in the oven. I also only ever have an automatic car, so that once my back unlocks and I'm at the shuffling around stage I can at least drive.

Same here lessonlearned, I've a very dodgy spine. But I'm lucky that when I'm having a really bad spell I've still got DSs around at night who can help out. DS2 is good at things like tying my shoelaces, and coming round every night to see what I need picked up off the floor. Mind you, the help can be variable, last time DS1 took me to the supermarket (I could shuffle round but couldn't bend to lift things off the shelves) he showed me a tin of meat he thought looked tasty and that he could cook..it was dog meat So I need to keep an eye on his purchases.

I have an automatic car too (well, semi automatic, it has a gear stick, but no clutch) otherwise I wouldn't be able to drive myself to the osteopath to get fixed up. It makes buying a car more difficult because there's less to choose from.

I don't know what I'd do in MITSTMs position., apart from the things I already do. A well stocked kitchen and medicine cabinet, a phone beside my bed, finances set up so I can pay them from home.

And of course the thing I tell myself every time my back "goes out"...next time I will have everything up to date, and my house totally sorted so there's nothing to worry about. Funny how that never quite happens :rotfl:

lessonlearned

Problem is not only less choice with automatic cars, they usually cost more too. Double whammy.

You are right though the best thing is to think like a Girl Guide and just borrow their motto - "Be prepared".

I too am lucky in that I have my sons and a sister who can help me if push comes to shove but it is tricky when you first move to a new area and even more so if you also have small children who depend on you.

When my boys were small we moved away from my family and support network. It was difficult if ever I was ill. I just joined a load of mother toddler groups and made new friends as soon as I could. My neighbours, although not spring chickens, also saved my bacon more than once. They became surrogate grandparents and were my lifeline.

JustKeepSwimming_2

MummyBobble wrote: »

Thanks JKS, I think that's always been one of my obsessions, that if they don't do well folk will have a "well, brought up by a single mum what do you expect" attitude. Just goes to prove that we can do it as a singlie or whatever else we choose to be :-) and at the end of the day we have to accept and respect what they can acheive. To my mind as long as they put the effort in they will do as well as they can and you can't ask for anything more. DD has a lovely friend who didn't do too well (will have to resist maths and English while she's in college) but she's a sweet, kindhearted girl and how you treat other people is important. We can't all be academics!

See I have this awful feeling that both of mine will turn out to be what is expected as single mum offspring :rotfl:

ellie99 wrote: »

Mmm, that's interesting to think about.

I think if you're single, but have a boy/girlfriend, then you can still be classed as a singlie because you have your own house to run/ financial things to cope with.

On the other hand...if you have a partner, even if they don't live with you...you then have (in a good relationship at least), someone to talk to and bounce ideas off when you're making decisions...someone to go out with on nights out... someone to go on holiday with...someone to share a meal out with (and not be refused entry because you're alone )...someone who's interested in how your day's been...someone to provide a bit of you-know-what!...and someone to go to events like weddings with (a bugbear of mine )

So I think to be a "hard core" singlie there shouldn't be a love interest, unless it's very casual, because you would have someone to do all the things we seem to find a challenge doing alone.

I'm with Ellie on this one, although I think your Calicocat's friend certainly fits the singlie definition & I hope she joins us here. Sounds like her love interest isn't actually much help (that'll be like most of them then & like Ellie I certainly don't want another one after my last dreadful experience!)

Horace wrote: »

I saw the end of one sloth (sorry that doesn't sound right at all), I saw the end of the sloth programme with the poorly sloth, the baby wallabies and the koala called Dan.

Meant to go to the supermarket earlier but was too lazy and was forced to put a scraping of stork marg (I use it for baking) on my bread for a cheese n tomato sandwich. So lazy was I today, I couldn't even be bothered to cook dinner and ended up eating porridge at 8.45pm. I did two bowls of porridge (made too much) so ate one with cherry jam and the other with golden syrup.

I am in full cba mode today.

I think I'm on day 3 of CBA mode here . When kids are away then I just CBA to feed myself properly & live on toast or cereal, stay in my PJs etc. It isn't as if I'm not doing anything, as I've been sorting paperwork, chores & catching up with the odd TV programme - its more that I CBA to look after myself properly. I wouldn't dream of feeding my kids cereal for days on end, or letting them get away without some exercise each day, or nagging them to go & see friends etc - yet I can't seem to apply the same things to myself.

Anyone else find they do this?

Byatt - glad the statement giving was OK.

LB - how are you doing?

Byatt

JKS, that's my life you described about being CBA, I've spent my life caring about others' in particular my DD to the huge detriment to my health. I'm really trying now not to go into CBA mode (it seems everyone else is worthy of care except myself )...but it's not easy. A In an attempt however this past weekend I've cooked two lovely dinners (both the same but I enjoyed them ), have rested all day today, as I am still so sad about the old lady. (I'm not blaming myself as such, just very sad, the PC said things like that have a ripple effect and I was likely to feel things I wasn't expecting...I said I already am), the little cat who died and my DD's shenanigans.

Anyway, maybe start with something smallish, make yourself go out for a walk, plan a dinner for yourself ...fave book or film...

I'm sure others will have better suggestions.

One reason why I'm staying where I'm staying even though the accommodation is not ideal...is that I've realised I need to be near at least some services/shops/buses/taxis/tain station, as I get older. Not sure what would happen if I had a stroke or something like that, because it would not be ideal at all building wise, but if it's relatively less traumatic, then I can get to local shops (there's plenty of elderly people who I see about managing under extreme duress physically), have shopping delivered. I don't have anyone to help family wise and therefore would have to rely on neighbour and friends. None of whom can be relied upon to be around as their circumstances change too.