OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

lulabelle

Hi. I posted a couple of weeks ago but haven't since. This seems like a nice board. I'm really struggling with being single. Back in feb met someone I really thought I could have a future with. He was so nice and sweet. Introduced me to his 2 year old straight away and we became close. His parents loved me and were introducing me to all their friends. We booked a holiday together (with his son) for November. Then bang, out the blue he says it's all going too fast and he can't cope as he hadn't realised the divorce was still affecting him so much. So I agreed to give him some space. We were meant to talk. Then I see he's back on dating website and apparently hadn't wantec space, just didn't want to be with me. This guy was talking a pout having kids and raised it more than once. He constantly talked about the holidays we would go in NEXT year. I just font get it. Anyways it's now making me want to leave where I live. I live on a rock which is fine but there are no men here. I'm scared time running out (almost 36). But it's a nice place to live I have a good job and great friends. What do I do?!

moneyistooshorttomention

Sorry to hear about that Lulubelle. What a bummer of a thing to happen!

Well...if you've got "a nice place/good job/great friends" then that's 3 very good Positives about your current life. Who is to say that moving to somewhere with a "greater choice of men" would lead to anything re finding another man? It might. It might not. I lived in a small city and worked in a fair-size workplace for many years latterly. I was pretty active in a variety of groups. End result = I met plenty of men/had chances to get married/still didn't meet The One and have stayed single. There are some people who have lived very isolated lives, but The One still turned up on the scene and they married them (eg sheepfarmer in the middle of nowhere for instance).

So, you would have thought my circumstances (ie in which I met plenty of men) would have meant a favourable conclusion was reached (ie I got hitched-up), but it didn't. I got fatalistic about it in the end and decided that if I was meant to meet The One then I would (whatever I did or didn't do personally). If I wasn't meant to meet Him then I wouldn't (whatever I did or didn't do personally). I obviously wasn't meant to then.

So, I would argue for staying put and making the best of the advantages you have in your situation and if you are meant to meet Him then you still will (eg he might come over on holiday and never go back...). If you aren't meant to meet Him, then you would have given up the Positives you now have for nothing.

EDIT: In fact I've just remembered that one of my reasons for choosing that small city to live in was I thought it would mean plenty of chances to meet men and good odds of finding The One....hence plenty of boyfriends, but no resultant husband...

LavenderBees

Lulabelle - you say that time is running out - for what specifically? Finding a man? Having your own children? The whole "package"?

Not sure that asking a load of singlies is going to get you an answer to your question of what do you do. We all have our own reasons for being single, and no doubt quite a few of us have been in your very position. I know I have. It is a bummer to meet someone who strings you along like that and doesn't have the guts to tell you it's not working, or was simply using you in the first place - he strikes me as being a commitment phobe, talks a good talk but nothing there really, but that's more his problem than yours imo.

My advice would be to try to pinpoint exactly what it is that you feel time is running out for - if it is children, then look into options available without having to wait for your dream man to turn up/ If it's a man - why do you think a man is the answer to your life? What is it that is lacking that you want to find?

And in the meantime, try not to feel that you are failing in something that is actually extremely hitty-missy. Enjoy what you have, while perhaps working your way towards what you want.

There are many many people in relationships who wish they weren't, and likewise many singlies who wish they were.

I won't say be grateful for what you have as that doesn't help, and is patronising, but you do sound like you have some fabulous positives (as MTSTM has said). I'd say use these as a springboard rather than losing them/exchanging them for something unknown/untested.

I wish you luck in finding what you need to feel fulfilled.

For myself, I've not achieved what society makes a woman feel she should - husband and children, and never expected to be so alone at this stage in life, so sometimes in my down moments, I feel I've failed. But mostly, I'm proud I've made my own way in a tough world and I owe no one anything.

Striving for contentment is my advice, while identifying strategies for moving towards what you feel you need.

LB xx

calicocat

Morning.


Yet to do catch-up reading over the weekend, just thought I'd share this cat treat.

So, i've changed the bed last night, all nice and clean and fresh.

Asbo this morning is purring away sat on windowsill in the sun......then it starts....that (don't know how to spell it)....hurgh, hurgh, hurgh.

Then a projectile vomited hair ball plus a bit of sick lands on the bed!!.......really???

Don't you just love cats.......

Will catch up later, weather here fab today, may be a hang out on the hammock day.

calicocat

Right, have managed to do some catch up reading.

BW........hope you are feeling a bit better soon if not already.

Byatt......hope the text stalking has calmed down or stopped, she sounds like a right cheeky one this one!!

RPP.......i de-flea the house rather than the cat every year. It's called R.I.P, it's quite strong stuff, and you spray the whole house with it. It lasts for a year, and i've never had fleas as yet. I think is I had to do Asbo (even with the drop-on stuff I could need an ambulance).


MTSTM......I have a friend like this. She is having some issues right now, but think she would be like it anyway. Very unreliable.......and very infuriating. We used to go to her parents caravan with our dogs a few years ago....we would talk on the phone about 'planning' what food to take etc. So, I would turn up with all the stuff I said I was bringing.....she decided not to shop and turned up with a Basil plant!!..........really??....lol. I have simply learnt not to have her as a dependable type of friend, but even organising a shopping trip or meet-up of any kind is still very frustrating as it always feels like it has to be around when she wants to get up/have a coffee....etc......actually it's making me quite annoyed even thinking about it.....lol. I'll get her out of my head again.
Hope the meeting with builder went well.

LB.......Awwwww. I have a really cute picture in my head of the girls hanging out around the lottie, sounds great.

Lulabelle.......He obviously wasn't the bloke for you, so think yourself lucky to be away from him if he's straight back on the dating site again. The fact that he introduced you to his 2yr old straight away is a bit odd in my book. You wonder how many 'friends' that little girl is going to meet if he goes on like that.

You will find someone better than that.




My news....nothing major. At a 40th on Saturday evening. Out for lunch sunday and then on the beach, then off for a mahoosive ice-cream. I'm beginning to love living by the sea (especially in this weather)....it kind of makes you feel a bit like you are on holiday all the time. No wonder they used to reckon being by the sea was good for your health....it is. Downside is.....that it makes you not want to go to work even more than normal.....lol.


Today was going to tidy the house....but yet again have decided to ditch that for now and hang out on the hammock and mess around in the garden a bit. I really should go and buy food for next few days at work..........i could go later.....i suppose.........maybe...........

In fact, the weather is that good I haven't gone swanning off on some spending spree seeing as it is pay day, which would be my normal stamp, even if just B n M's or homebase mooching around for things I don't really need. Nope...I shall pay some more off mortgage instead I have decided whilst writing.


Have a good day folks.


Edit......yep, lying on hammock with a glass of wine and water is most certainly better than housework....i can recommend it for sure, and think it should be on prescription. I have sunscreen on in case I fall asleep .

moneyistooshorttomention

Yep....Calico...talk with builder went okay...and its scheduled in re what I have in mind here.

Am beginning to feel I might just be making a little bit of progress here....:beer::rotfl:. Builder has quite obviously been checking me out (ie same as I have been checking him out then...:rotfl:) and I think he gets where I am coming from on this and hopefully all will be well.

Still getting my head round re this being an area where people (ie builder and potential client in this case) can/and do check each other out in advance. This is so not what I am used to....:cool:

Mind you...moving to Wales has brought up several different things imo that have proven more than a bit "surprising" to me ....:cool::eek::cool::rotfl: and am in process of getting my head round them.....

It's different here...that's for blimmin' sure...imo that is...'right...done some getting the garden in order this morning and now contemplating doing some more Welsh language homework. I know this is still the same country (ie Britain)...but it don't feel that way....

This is so not what I am used to.....and right now I think I've got a bit of culture shock (in my own country)...

moneyistooshorttomention

Oh boy....doesn't know whether I'm coming or going at the moment....but arrangement with friend is back on again (as she has been able to sort out the problems with her coming after all).

My head hurts....

....and something else has come up of a non-personal nature that is potentially a Bit of a Biggie (shot straight out of left field in effect) and nothing to do with me personally...but I seem to be getting involved anyways...and it may turn out to be an In the News type thing...Thankfully, I'm on the sidelines as to what to do about it or whether to do anything about it...etc.....

It aint my decision....that phrase "Not my circus...not my monkeys" and I'm just giving my input fwiw as to what (if anything) I think could/should be done about it. Group discussions going on at present....and the communal "whattodo" or "shouldwedonowt" view is forming....

Life...eh.....:cool::p

BookWorm

BookWorm wrote: »

I've had a pretty quiet day. Got all my chores done this morning and have spent this afternoon watching films. I have watched Dallas Buyers Club and The Book Thief. Both very different but enjoyable.
Anyone else seen them and if so what did you think?

Anyone? :cool: lol

calicocat wrote: »

BW........hope you are feeling a bit better soon if not already.

Edit......yep, lying on hammock with a glass of wine and water is most certainly better than housework....i can recommend it for sure, and think it should be on prescription.

Getting there thanks hun Lying in a hammock sounds lovely.

Talking of hammocks ... I remember a few years ago when I was on holiday with my folks. My Dad was trying to get into a hammock and it did that kinda of spin round thing that you see in cartoons and deposited him on the floor. My Mum and I couldn't stop laughing for ages. It was so funny He was a good sport and could see the funny side too luckily :T

BookWorm

Lulabelle - sorry to hear you're having a tough time

I don't really have anything else to add that the others have already (and way better than I could) said

calicocat

BookWorm wrote: »

Anyone? :cool: lol



Getting there thanks hun Lying in a hammock sounds lovely.

Talking of hammocks ... I remember a few years ago when I was on holiday with my folks. My Dad was trying to get into a hammock and it did that kinda of spin round thing that you see in cartoons and deposited him on the floor. My Mum and I couldn't stop laughing for ages. It was so funny He was a good sport and could see the funny side too luckily :T

Ah.....i have had that type before.....this time I have one that has two holding points on each end so you can't do the spin around thing....and it's a tough material not rope/netting type.....which again is added comfort.

It wasn't expensive as far as hammocks go.....just from argos....but totally fine, comfortable, and easily taken apart for the winter.

Years ago I was looking at them.....some of them are 500 smackeroonies!!....however they are permanent fixtures, solid wood.....and double or king size.....lush....lol.

I'd never get out if I had one of those...i'd have to ring work and say "sorry I can't come in i'm stuck in the hammock and can't get out".......bet that would be a first though.

Hammocks are on a par with fairy lights for the feel good factor...only downside to the type I have now is that you can't swing yourself on it like you can the type your dad was in....and provided you don't 'over swing' it's great.


Well....i dragged myself to the shops. I only got toilet roll, washing tabs, chicken, salad stuff,milk and cream.....30 smackeroonies gone. Does anyone else think things are still going up in price food wise?...I just didn't seem to have that much for my money....never mind...it is what it is I guess.

Last night of freedom for a while as back to work tomorrow, and now also on a run of working weekends..........boo-hiss.

Think i'll go watch tv in bed with a coffee with cream, and a bowl of strawberries and ice-cream.