OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

3forholidays

mum2one wrote: »

Thank you everyone your kind words, DD seems better today, think it was more shock than anything. Thou from the sounds of it, it was too late for the vets, but at the lady stopped and tried.


We've had her school play tonight, it was a take on Aladdin, it was good, the kids and the teachers worked really hard.


so sweet, I was on the PTA at the school and thought I would have to leave as DD moves to secondary, while tonight the head came across and asked would I consider staying on at the PTA, as they go as a "friends of..." rather than the PTA title, it means that they can get around me not having a child there. Really sweet, and so nice, as only helped 8 months.


Hope everyone ok, weather looks very bleak at the mo, me feels a muggy night on the books xx

You could also join the secondary school PTA - if you have the time & energy that is!

Winter_Phoenix

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Any thoughts on how anyone else would handle it please as to saying that I just wont be paying up towards it again...and its not my choice...but I honestly cant pay towards something that I do not see as anything to do with me (and cant be, in a sense, because I wasn't told about it at the outset)?

I think what I would do, is to be more-or-less honest. "I'm really sorry, because I love being a part of the community here - you're all such nice people. But I've spent my life savings on doing up the house. My income is a pittance, my savings have gone. With the best will in the world, I CANNOT afford to contribute to this scheme."

It might also help to approach other neighbours (not the difficult ones) first, and tell them all exactly the same thing. If they pressed me ("But it's only £x, you could pay a little every week."), I would just repeat, "I simply do not have the money. I'm sorry, but I simply do not have the money," as many times as it took to make them get bored and give up.

Saying that you don't see why you should pay something which you didn't previously know about, and/or that you are angry about being put in this position, would IMHO just invite arguments, ill feeling, etc. Presumably they think it's a good scheme (or they wouldn't have set it up), so it would probably only get their backs up if you criticised it. Saying repeatedly and calmly that you do not have the money won't actually offend anyone, even if they don't like it. You may even find that one or two of your neighbours follow your lead and extricate themselves from the scheme!

PS: It cheers me up every time I read the bit at the bottom of your posts, which says that you have got your house sorted. I want to shout, "Yay!" whenever I see it!

moneyistooshorttomention

Thanks Winter Phoenix,

Your thoughts make a lot of sense to me on this.

I guess you're right that it would be best not to mention my feelings on this (if I can restrain myself on that front:rotfl:) and just keep repeating the plain and simple fact that I cant afford it however many times necessary. I've been refreshing my memory that my vendor did indeed say "Owner of road is responsible for (item concerned)" and "responsible for" must include "responsible for paying for".

I've scoured the deeds to my house umpteen times and they don't mention this particular thing (for whatever reason...accident or design by original buyer and seller).

Any (non-legal basis) type agreements that have been made between previous owners were down to those particular people in that particular era of history. I am someone different and this is now a different (ie poorer for many people) era of history and the "standard of living" affordable by people only a couple of decades ago is no longer affordable for many of us these days:(.

Glad you feel encouraged WP by my current tag of house now sorted out to standard modern standards. Its good when people reach goals of their own and I guess does help others to think "Well ..guess I can reach my goals too".

JustKeepSwimming_2

elona wrote: »

justkeepswimming

You can make your own polish with a small amount of lemon juice and olive oil. Mix it together or just shake it together in a small glass jar and then use a tiny amount on a cloth- leave to dry - then a quick rub with another cloth.

Bless you - if I ever plan to polish again I'll use this formula. I'm finding the non-dusting approach is working well for me :rotfl: Along with the not de-cluttering approach, but this may become a problem by next week....

Winter_Phoenix wrote: »

I think what I would do, is to be more-or-less honest. "I'm really sorry, because I love being a part of the community here - you're all such nice people. But I've spent my life savings on doing up the house. My income is a pittance, my savings have gone. With the best will in the world, I CANNOT afford to contribute to this scheme."

It might also help to approach other neighbours (not the difficult ones) first, and tell them all exactly the same thing. If they pressed me ("But it's only £x, you could pay a little every week."), I would just repeat, "I simply do not have the money. I'm sorry, but I simply do not have the money," as many times as it took to make them get bored and give up.

MSTM - this is what I wanted to say, but WP has said it far more eloquently than I could. My neighbour was initially a little affronted when I wouldn't agree to look after a flower bed that divided our front gardens - her reasoning was that her husband had built the bed, so I should continue to stock it with plants etc. just as her previous neighbour had done. Nothing had been said to me during the house buying process, & nothing was mentioned in the searches other than the flowerbed straddled our boundary. While we didn't fall out over it, months later she said that it simply hadn't occurred to her that I wouldn't want to continue doing what had always been done. Maybe there is an element of this in your situation? Although your neighbour sounds far more disagreeable than mine....

After having seen my gardening skills, she now doesn't let me near the bed :rotfl:

Mum2one - what a horrible time for your DD. I hope she is feeling a little better now. I know my DD would be distraught if she'd witnessed that. Hope you're sleeping better too.

Hello to all the lurkers - please join in :T

Thankfully I only have 1 more day to go at work until the summer holidays :j. I know I'm really lucky to get such good holidays (although I am on a carp wage & will be forever more), but I know they'll whizz by if I don't get my harris in gear....

Nowt exciting to report - life is a series of frustrations at the moment sadly, so I'm really looking forward to the break

moneyistooshorttomention

There's probably a lot of "simply hadn't occurreds" that come up JKS sometimes:rotfl:. Your gardening skills (lack of...) have got to rate as a good reason why-not in your case:)

I know there are various things that probably come under "simply hadn't occurreds" in some respects, ie that someone else's workmen cant just walk into my garden without my permission/that I am used to my visitors ringing at the front door bell (and not walking round to the back door just because they can - as back gardens are private in my book)/that other people cant park on the paved bit of my front garden just because previous owners allowed it (I don't). Those things are one thing, but if you'd heard the phrase that Awkward Neighbour used in conversation with me one time (before they pushed their luck too far and that was that then) about their attitude to people who they decided to fall out with = there is only one way to interpret that remark (ie as a threat to never disagree with them or else!:eek:).

I just thought it was a very odd remark at the time but its clear, in hindsight, that it was a warning never to disagree with them and hence I just continue on my own path and steer clear of saying anything to them now if I can help it.

Right, duly reassured by the fact that two of you are now saying "Just say no can do/no can afford". The most charitable explanation for AN's attitude is they simply literally don't understand that other people can have money problems not of their own making, as they don't seem to have ever suffered from that (unlike many of us then...:cool:). I don't think they've ever had a low-paid job or unemployment in their life from what I can make out... so cant comprehend that that's what I've had personally and the impact of that continues on into retirement if that's been your experience of work life.

Well, if I've had to explain to my own father before now that his income would probably be in the £40k-£50k bracket if he weren't retired and that means his own daughter cant afford what he could, then I guess its hard for some people to relate to those who have never earned more than the equivalent of the under £20,000 bracket/always had to pay all the bills (courtesy of no hubbie).

I know peeps on this thread will get it re that though.

cornishchick

Just popping to say.
Just had the most amazing lightning storm over Cornwall, I loved it, Bitter sweet memories of past storms, and amazing moments with hubby but I smiled when remembering and no tears so it's good.

Have organised a BBQ in aid of cancer research on Saturday . Looks like we may have to build an ark:rotfl: if this rain continues ...
X CC

moneyistooshorttomention

Another one who actually likes storms, provided I'm safely inside watching them. I can stand and just watch lightning/rain/etc quite happily, as it makes me feel "Well, I'm safe and cosy inside" and just watch it all going on. Must be the contrast we like?:rotfl:

Must be different for those with pets who are terrified of this, but the rest of us can just "enjoy the view" and the sound of rain falling.

JustKeepSwimming_2

Wow - wasn't the storm amazing! Woke me up straight away with the lightening, well before I heard any thunder/rain. I spent almost an hour sat on my bedroom windowsill just watching it - incredible.

Also amazing was that both my kids slept through it all, even though their windows were open. Oh to be able to sleep that deeply....

CC - glad you could experience the storm in full, & hope the ark is coming along nicely :rotfl:

MSTM - I think there is also a degree of "Welshness" in some of the things they find acceptable, but you (& the rest of us) don't. I'm with you on this, & people just wandering into my house without knocking drove me batty, but other than putting physical barriers in their way I never found a way of getting them to respect my view - they disagreed in a nice way & we didn't fall out (I was more patient then than now ) but my opinions were brushed off in a "Isn't she funny" way.

That was all a loooong time ago & having more experience with dealing with a passive/aggressive mother, I'm now wondering if that was their stance all along, & I was naive in not spotting it at the time. But I was renting for a fixed time, & there wasn't any financial issues.

I also think you have a good point with the just not understanding others' financial situations. I get this quite a lot with smug couples - when we discuss finances at work most say "OH John pays the mortgage & I do the food shopping, so it all works out quite will for us" & they do seem genuinely surprised that I have to pay both myself :wall: Who do they think pays for it all? My trust fund?

Last day at work today _party_ & I'm starting to get that giddy, end of term feeling - thankfully we don't have further storms forecast here, so the kids shouldn't go too nuts. They're bonkers enough when its really windy, so I'd hate to see them in a storm

Have a good day all - its the weekend :j

RosiePuddingPaws

I'm another who enjoyed the storm last night, and am enjoying the cooler air this morning (although we are promised hot and humid later). It was funny last night. I had just had a shower to cool down and the storm started. Within minutes I had three cats under the bed! Ginger fluffy boy presumably took shelter under a hedge somewhere but was sprawled full length on the conservatory rug this morning. Being cooler they were all starving this morning ...

Survived both the dentist and a trip to the vets (jabs for the two youngest) yesterday so have been naughty and ordered a pair of sandals in the Moshulu sale. I know they are (still) expensive but my current pair have split across the sole. They have been well worn and are nine years old - and so comfortable. The hard bit will be picking them up from the local shop and not being seduced by more lovely footwear that I don't need but might want!

Really looking forward to the weekend. Not planning to do anything special but it will be nice just to sit around in the garden (or conservatory if raining) and do little.

Moneyistooshorttomention - so glad you have got a plan of action with AN. I so get what you say about couples not understanding how far one (modest) wage has to stretch. My parents find it hard to understand that there is little spare cash in my budget (which is one reason why I have just decided to cancel my Sky package as I don't watch it much and it is getting so expensive. That should pay for a pair of sandals!!). Unfortunately I will be confusing them more soon as I am planning a holiday, which will (in non-MSE fashion) go on the credit card initially (% offer). In my mind I'm calling it my post divorce adventure and am currently both excited and nervous - and I haven't even booked it yet!

Cornishchick - the forecast is looking interesting for your barbeque but I hope you have a successful event and that no boats or wellies are needed.

RPP

moneyistooshorttomention

Hmmm...don't know about slightly different national habits or no here. I do know, and we're all quite clear on that, that its incomers round here who form the vast vast majority of people attending/running a lot of the things I go to here for instance. I don't quite know the reason, but I would tend to think it probably boils down to being either local or non-local (not Welsh or non-Welsh iyswim). If you are "local" then you (presumably) have a circle of people you have known since Year Dot and interact with and expect the "just walking in syndrome". If you aren't "local", then you think in terms of "I get out and about to get my social life/make friends" (indeed of having an entity called Social Life as part of your life in the first place).

But then...I found that back in my Home Area the vast majority of people I was socialising with were non-locals/incomers (call it what you will), though a high proportion of people living there are locals the same as me. I think its because incomers HAVE to "get out and about" to make a life for themselves, whereas locals don't tend to feel they have to.

I mixed, in the main, with incomers even in my own area because I was so used to being non-local myself I guess and no-one knew I wasn't a "local" even when I'd been talking to them for some time, because I don't have an accent (Armed Forces brat and dragged round somewhat as a consequence, so used - darn it - to having to "start again" at intervals and so therefore understand how incomers feel). Years in my own area and I also understand how "locals" feel...

...and the nearest I've come to a Trust Fund is having had friends/acquaintances who had one....not a sniff of one in my family though...and my father would have expected me to still earn my own living if there had been..