OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Fancynancy77

Hi LULABELLE I'm a lurker too but want to de-lurk to say I'm 36 and single. But have been mainly single since I was 32. I'm raising my DD who is 5.

I was in a turbulent relationship for almost 3 years but ended it as there was never any peace. Now i'm enjoying mowing my own lawn "physically and metaphorically"

I'm actually preparing to spend Christmas alone with DD this year. I'm sick of traipsing around other peoples houses when all we want to do is veg out at home and have sausage sandwiches on the couch.

I work FT and life is busy with afterschool activites etc.

You will get there too. It took me about two years to really get used to not having a significant other and also to STOP LOOKING and just start enjoying life.

Thank you for your post as it has encouraged me to de-lurk and join in the fun here.

BTW JackieO I've followed your fiscal fasts for about a year or more now. i love your updates xxx You are an inspiration

fiftyeighter_2

Hi Lulabelle. I'm not a great writer on here. I always think my life isn't as interesting as others. But they are all so lovely on here and very caring.
It's all still so fresh to you now and it does take time to get over the hurt and pain. But you will. I think it's very much like a death. It hits you so hard even if like me you were the one wanting the break. It takes time to grieve but like others have said you'll get there and you'll begin to enjoy your new found freedom.
Good luck. X

grousescot

Hi folks, another infrequent poster here "re-delurking" (if that makes any sense!). It is both interesting and inspiring to read what everyone has been up to.

Just back from several days holiday. I quickly lost track of which day it was which in my book is the sign of a proper break from the everyday routine. I am home but not at work for the rest of this week and am determined not to fritter the time away as I usually do. This afternoon's task will be defrosting the fridge. This is not a task I ever thought was required but I've got a small iceberg developing at the back which I think may be the reason for its inability to keep a happy medium between 5C and freezing.

Other than that laundry, usual household stuff, a good clear-out of my wardrobes possibly followed by a visit to the charity shop. I've managed to keep a fair bit of my living space largely clutter-free but I think a lot of "stuff" is hidden away. I've been putting this off every weekend for months so now I've got a few days seems ideal to at least make a start.

It's always just been me living here so I don't know any different but I really think I need to make an effort to go out and meet other people. My work situation has been getting me down lately and what I think may be contributing to that is there is nothing in the evenings to distract me from thinking about it. I've had a look at the "meetup" website and there are a few things that sound intriguing so worth at least dipping a toe in the water.

Right, no more prevaricating, the fridge calls . . .

3forholidays

I don't know if it is just me but does anyone else feel uncomfortable with couples and their PDAs?

By PDA I mean Public Displays of Affection not the computer one lol!

System

grousescot wrote: »

It's always just been me living here so I don't know any different but I really think I need to make an effort to go out and meet other people. My work situation has been getting me down lately and what I think may be contributing to that is there is nothing in the evenings to distract me from thinking about it. I've had a look at the "meetup" website and there are a few things that sound intriguing so worth at least dipping a toe in the water.

I found volunteering is a great way to meet people. I signed up to help at my kids Guides/Scouts/School and we get all over with different activities. I've made some nice friends plus it's free, which is great when you're as skint as I am...

My sister used to use meetup when she was single in a new city. There were all sorts of activities she enjoyed, and she met someone nice too well I think he's nice, I've only met him once lol

What job do you do?

moneyistooshorttomention

Horses for courses and volunteering has certainly been one way I have met people in the past/am meeting people now.

I also have sometimes found that the "meet other people" reason for joining evening classes and the like often hasn't worked out and all I've ended up getting is the "class" itself. However, there are some classes which also result in friendships forming outside the class as well. Its very much a matter of "luck of the draw" I think on that one. If there are one or two people who are out to make new friends from the class as well (ie as well as attend the class itself iyswim) then there is a good chance it will work out. If there aren't = you just get the class itself.

For instance, I have found that there are some people in similar circumstances to myself in my Welsh learners class and, as it has turned out, one person who is very keen to make friends through it too. I wouldn't be someone who would initiate social stuff as well myself iyswim, but I'm quite happy to go along with this persons ideas about people meeting up socially outside the class and that has resulted in some new friends for me (duly met up with some earlier today and planning future events we will do one way or another). It really will be very variable as to what/who you get if you do something like that (and voluntary activities as well), but its always worth a try.

The teacher, in our case, is obviously a bit confuzzled by the amount of swopping/changing/arranging that we go in for at the time...but it helps keep us together...as we don't want to let each other down and are keeping up our attendance partly in order to make sure our friends get theirs too and we don't want to let each other down.

moneyistooshorttomention

Oh boy....and a recurrent "dilemma" has come up again that has been raising its head at intervals since moving here.

With the nature of the location of the house I bought here, Awkward Neighbour didn't take long at all to inform me that "we" all contribute towards a communal maintenance thing that happens here. Well...the vendor didn't mention it...and therefore that means it doesn't involve me in my book then.

I have been paying up a share of this "communal" charge when it has occurred for the sake of goodwill, but I honestly cant afford it. I probably look like I've got plenty of money judging by the amount of money I have been spending on renovating this house (all necessary stuff just to bring it up to basic standard and no "luxury" about it basically). This is a poorer area I am in now and it may be that things that honestly are basic/necessity are regarded as "luxury/she can afford all sorts" here, but that really is not the case by the standards of my Home Area and I cant.

However, that money has come from my savings and those savings have been taking a very hard knock indeed to get this house to our Normal Standards. My income, on the other hand, is pathetic by most peoples standards (as its poor by any realistic standards and even worse whilst I wait to reach that blimmin' revised State Pension Age of mine and get the rest of my income again). I honestly cant afford this "communal" expense and I really don't feel its anything to do with me (ie because the vendor didn't mention it and therefore I'm in no way obligated to pay up towards it as I see it).

For the sake of "peace" I would pay, but I honestly wasn't told about it and cant afford it, so I need to stop paying towards it.

Is not looking forward to this at all...ie saying I am not going to be paying towards it again, but that's what my finances dictate.

Any thoughts on how anyone else would handle it please as to saying that I just wont be paying up towards it again...and its not my choice...but I honestly cant pay towards something that I do not see as anything to do with me (and cant be, in a sense, because I wasn't told about it at the outset)?

I'm actually pretty angry that other people could think they have the right to dip into my money without my having been told about this at the outset and making decision accordingly as to whether to buy this particular house or no.

What would other people do in these circumstances?

greengoblin

calicocat wrote: »

I had kept some of the old dead ivy twigs to use as kindling...but thinking about it ivy is poisonous isn't it?? Will have to google this before I kill myself.
.

Ivy's fine to burn If you have any pine/willow/poplar etc. it is fine to burn but will spit.
Best way to get wood is to surreptitiously carry home a 'stick' (read branch/tree - whatever you can get away with) every time you go for a walk and saw it up when you get home
Logs bought in garden centres chains or from petrol stations are crap, if you can (and here's hoping you're not in the middle of a city) see if any of your local nature reserves/parks sell firewood - they normally do a bag if you ask nicely. Every site i've ever worked on has done firewood be it council, wildlife trust or national trust.
The only things I wouldn't burn in a small fire are yew and laurel - they honk and are a bit toxic

grousescot

rachelja wrote: »

I found volunteering is a great way to meet people. I signed up to help at my kids Guides/Scouts/School and we get all over with different activities. I've made some nice friends plus it's free, which is great when you're as skint as I am...

My sister used to use meetup when she was single in a new city. There were all sorts of activities she enjoyed, and she met someone nice too well I think he's nice, I've only met him once lol

What job do you do?

That's good to hear. I'm mostly looking for something that will keep me out of the house for an evening or so each week. There have been many times I've felt I really can't be bothered when I've got something on that evening but I've always felt better for dragging myself out.

I'm an analyst for the civil service which involves sitting in front of a computer most of the day.

grousescot

moneyistooshorttomention

You have a valid point re the class/friends aspect but at the moment I'd settle for something interesting to occupy myself which involves being amongst other people. It would be great if I met anyone who was up for meeting up other than at the specific activity we shared, but given my track record in the area of socialising, I wouldn't get hung up on it. Baby steps I guess. Anything that stops me parking on the sofa (like I am right now!).

Re your communal fund contribution, I've never heard of that arrangement before. I pay a property management company for maintenance to my flat complex but that was detailed when I moved in. If there wasn't a formal arrangement for maintenance and it was organised by the residents themselves then I'd want to know exactly what it was for and how the spending was decided and monitored. Without that information I wouldn't be paying up regardless of whether I could afford it or not. Just my 2pence worth!