OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

moneyistooshorttomention

Byatt

Further thought on that. I wonder whether Calico's suggestion might be worth investigating, re talking to this darn girlfriend yourself?

I might well head towards that girlfriend myself and tell her I would be looking for "strings to pull" (that "learning disabled" card must entitle her to some sort of support I'm guessing???) and pull them I most certainly would if there was any more nonsense from her. On the other hand, I'd probably just "pull those strings" and she'd find out after the event.....:cool:

But maybe that wouldn't be your way of operating? and maybe you might contemplate giving her a "mouthful" she'd never forget about "Behave or you'll have me to answer to".

Either way DD mightn't be happy with you for taking action...and that's part of why I'd look for strings to pull and do so quietly in your position if you can find some...

Byatt

Thanks,

I slept quite well considering, had a strange dream which involved aliens and the Napoleonic war!

DD's support apparently know about the reconciliation. The shock came as DD and I had talked several times yesterday (as usual) and she didn't even hint at what was happening (gf is coming back today)...till I asked her last night, why she needed to get up early. Not sure she would have told me otherwise. The shock wave swept through my body and I started shaking, wanted to be sick and needed the loo. I just said to her, that I couldn't speak to her right now. Then came off the phone and cried. I rarely cry.

As it happens I am seeing my counsellor today (long planned appointment) so will chat to her about my resolve, which is to totally step back from my DD's life. I don't think speaking to gf will make any difference, last time I did that with DD's abusive bf he just tried to make contact with her again and again, just to spite me.

My DD sadly, brings a lot of toxic people into my life, people under normal circumstances I would never meet. I want nothing to do with gf, I don't want her in my home and I don't want to pretend I'm ok about her.

I'm getting older, have less bounce in me and need to have a life of my own for what might be a short while in terms of quality.

I have to step back emotionally as well as pyschologically and I will discuss with my counsellor today, the best way forward. I don't want it to seem like I'm punishing my DD, but if she makes choices that affect me then I have to safeguard myself too. How do I know how volatile this woman is? This may just be the tip of the iceberg.:(

I thought I could protect her with wise counsel and support, but I can't.

RosiePuddingPaws

So sorry to hear your news Byatt. I hope your discussion today is helpful and gives you the strength you need to do what is right for you. It is hard though.

Loving the chicken tales. I love the different breed names.

RPP

moneyistooshorttomention

Byatt

It does rather sound like you are "bumping up against your own tolerance limits" here. We all have a certain level of Bad Stuff we can take (which will vary from person to person) and then we reach that limit and can't take any more. (((( ))))))

Hope things come a bit clearer and calmer for you after seeing that counsellor today.

calicocat

Sounds like a plan Byatt, and a good one. She (as we all do) needs to learn to make her own choices and deal with the consequences of those choices.....and everyone deserves to have a life without someone else's toxic stuff if that is what they want and need.

Hope today's chat goes well and is fruitful in the terms of the way you think about it all. I have had similar with friends in the past, and eventually just had to distance myself from it.


Right, off to kip....hopefully, yesterday all I could here was sawing,mowing,and kids screaming.....Grrrrrrrrrrh.

LavenderBees

Yes, I agree that stepping back from the situation at least for a while is what's needed here for the good of your own health. How permanently you can step back from a beloved DD, who may need you, is debatable though.

If you need to physically distance yourself to help with the emotional distance, switch your phone off is always an option, and consider this.....there's always a spare bed here. You would be very welcome. Big hug!

ETA - I'd have to hoover. mind so give me notice...

I hope the counsellor is useful in helping you see an acceptable way forward.

On a lighter note...it's chicken coop day, the sun is shining, and I've been up since 5am too excited for words...I am working from home until lunchtime, and then FREE to DO CHICKENS :rotfl:

Whoop whoop...or should that be coop coop?

Groan...:rotfl:

Byatt

http://www.upworthy.com/hell-hath-no-fury-like-98-year-old-woman-promising-to-help-a-friend?c=ufb1

what a beautiful, inspirational woman...maybe I *will* still be driving...

Byatt

Thanks again for all your support. :A The visit to the counsellor really helped me (she is very, very good)...I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but whilst I can't cut off from my DD, I can step back. Well that's the plan anyway. :cool:

I won't "tell off" gf, but I will use positive language to let her know I am aware and will not be happy if it happens again. :cool: Plus of course I don't want DD to feel she can't approach me if something does happen. The change however has to come from me and my reaction, a lot of which is related to my own past and the feelings that are brought to the surface as a result of DD's experience.

MTSTM, I really like the wording and image it creates "bumping up against your own tolerance levels." It does feel like a bumper car ride (not that I've ever been on one ).

Thanks again to all, for listening and helping. :A

Thanks LB for the offer, ...YBC might not be so happy, bless him.

Hope all is well at the Chicken Coop arrival! :T

LavenderBees

Byatt wrote: »

http://www.upworthy.com/hell-hath-no-fury-like-98-year-old-woman-promising-to-help-a-friend?c=ufb1

what a beautiful, inspirational woman...maybe I *will* still be driving...

What a lovely, gutsy lady. Thanks for sharing that :T

calicocat

It's chicken day...!!!


Photos.......we demand photos of the girls.....