OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

moneyistooshorttomention

Byatt,

Would one way to tackle this girlfriends reappearance on the scene be to say "DD you are welcome to come and see me any time you like, but I find Girlfriend difficult to deal with and would rather not put temptation in my path to be rude (or worse) to her, so I prefer you not to bring her round with you"?

Unless DD is someone you have to say exactly what you mean to (which I suspect). In that case amend the last few words to "so I am telling you not to bring her round with you".

That way, you aren't rejecting DD in any way and basically saying that you find girlfriends company too difficult to deal with personally (which you do by the sound of it).

From what you say about DD choosing a succession of toxic people to associate with, then it would indeed be "wear and tear" on YOUR nerves to have to try and be polite to girlfriend, when actually you'd cheerfully like to strangle her or tell her "what for!".

I think its perfectly acceptable for you to find a way to say you don't want girlfriend inside your door personally, even if she abides by the "be nice to other peoples parents" code of conduct and is polite/offers to wash the dishes after a meal/etc/etc that most of us know to do in the house of a friend or partners' parents.

EDIT: Tell me about the continuous R word and the continuous W word as well (ie wind). Sigh...

BookWorm

Feeling very pleased as managed to get my lawn cut..... just had to share :cool:

calicocat

BookWorm wrote: »

Feeling very pleased as managed to get my lawn cut..... just had to share :cool:

Lol...being smug doesn't suit you.

When I first moved here the bloke opposite didn't wave or say hello until I had cut the lawn....lol. I didn't have a mower. However i'm with you on the whole 'if you don't like it mow it for me'...scenario. However the fact that they all notice stuff here is handy and they do seem nice...as when I leave my keys in the front door they take them in etc and let me know when i've left windows wide open etc.

I haven't heard any mowing, so it must have been raining whilst asleep....will try and do mine tomorrow morning before flying up to LB's for a quick look at the 'girls'.

It's blowing a gale here.


Byatt......they probably have clean car police as well as grass police here...I just ignore that.

And the competition at xmas re: decorating your house and garden is amazing....really funny...but it does look very xmassy...and thankfully the people close to me have the more tasteful decs.......no giant Santa's in the garden that the kids love.


MtSTM.......i prefer the useful garden that you can eat. I did think of turning the front into that....but it wouldn't go down well I don't think, and a herb garden wouldn't survive the winter I don't think. At a later date may see if I can move/extend fence and grab a bit of the side to be enclosed.

Right.....off to hunt down what I can find to eat now i'm awake.

Enjoy your weekend folks.

BookWorm

calicocat wrote: »

Lol...being smug doesn't suit you.

Soz hun


Have a lovely time with LB and say hi to the 'girls' for us

Byatt

I didn't wash my Skud in the whole time I had it, mainly because being parked near an A road, plus the tractors and messy stuff that goes passed it's filthy in minutes. I have now bought some cleaning stuff for car which is currently still in the Ka.

I don't have any grass, so no worries there.

Mtstm, thanks for the advice. I'm supposed to be taking the view that it's better to be nice and therefore I can watch her more closely, but to be perfectly honest, I've really reached my limit. There's no way I can be around her and be pleasant...last night I was just lying awake and thinking, every time I don't hear from my DD I will wonder if something has happened...:(...

If she proves herself over time, then over time we might be able to build up a relationship. But DD always pushes things...I had been thinking, I'll get both an Easter egg, but won't bother with either now. The thing is, gf hasn't spoken to me...it's not like she's come on the phone and I've ignored her. In fact it's been lovely as previously all she did was shout over DD when we were speaking on the phone.

So, I think I will say to DD, what is she going to do if I don't speak to gf... Not speak to me?

Anyway, had a productive day, sold some stuff on FB, washing everything in sight, changed the bedding, hoovered...poor My Boy-cat is not happy and hanging about on the stairs...

I've also burnt a load of personal papers, burning is so therapeutic. :T

And I've eaten a large packet of Hula Hoops.

Well done BW on the grass cutting, I love your smilies!

moneyistooshorttomention

Byatt

Sounds a bit unrealistic to expect you to be "nice" and hide your true feelings towards this woman. It would be bound to slip out if you tried (if only with you giving her narrow-eyed looks and she'd turn sideways and spot it at some point:cool:).

I've heard the phrase to "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" and I understand what is meant by that but, personally, I just cant do it and don't even try. It would soon be blindingly obvious exactly what I thought of the "enemy" try as I might to hide it. My face would give the game away every time.

I don't know expressive (or otherwise) your face is and whether that would apply to you, but it would leak out one way or another I feel sure.

If your face is anything like mine, it would be sooner rather than later. Even a regular workman here has figured that out by now and just watches my face as I check over the latest work and I don't have to say a thing and he knows what I think of it and if I've spotted any flaws:rotfl:

I think it sounds rather like that counsellor might have been advising you to do something she herself would be capable of, without realising that you aren't the same sort of person as herself at all in that respect imo.

You don't want to put yourself in a position where any offer of a cup of coffee inadvertently came out phrased as "One lump of cyanide or two in it? Whoops...I meant to say sugar....".

Byatt

I've never ever been the type of person (talking as far back as childhood) who could or would hide my feelings about someone, and yes, my face shows it. I've come off worse quite often as a result I have to say, but can't see me changing anytime soon. I can do the polite whatever professionally, but personally not so much. I'm not very good at forgiving either, when I've had my good nature pushed to its limits.

I am tired of having all this angst. It's not like it's the first time with DD.

BookWorm

Byatt - I wish I had some good words of advice to offer... but I think MITSTM has been spot on so far. Far better than I could manage.
Hopefully being able to talk about things here helps at least....

I do have a smiley for you that I thought you might like though ...

I am another person whose emotions are always written over my face. I seem to be getting worse at hiding them as I get older too.

calicocat

Testing times Byatt. All you can do I think is to watch from a distance at the moment, see how things go, and be there for her at a later date if she needs it. Maybe ignoring it all for now would be an option so as to not alienate yourself from her longer term. It's difficult isn't it, as you don't want a situation where if she were in trouble that she wouldn't tell you again....yet sifting the real stuff from the drama and getting over-involved in the smaller stuff that she is willing to have in her life.

I don't mean the violence...but other things.

I'm not much cop at hiding my feelings either, i'm not entirely sure I ever really try to very much to be honest.





WELL.........lawn is cut!!! got up, gale had dried any damp so flew out to do it. I bought one of those safety things you are meant to plug it into?....wouldnt work with that so i'm assuming i've bought a krap mower and now need to trail the thing back to the shop and have no clue where the receipt would be, so just did it without safety plug and it worked. So I don't know if that means safety thing is duff...or if electrics are.......anyhow either way i'm alive.

The menopause has stolen my brain.....i seem to be doing some seriously blonde things and my memory and concentration are diabolical!

One example is the other day trying to put screenwash into car before going to work. Bonnet wouldn't lift up....so i'm fannying around trying to work out what's wrong for about half an hour. Finally gave up and phoned friend to go to him to see what was wrong. ................turned out I hadn't popped the bonnet release??????.......really??....i have been doing that for over 25 yrs...why did I suddenly not do that??

I phoned same friend asking him to come see why mower wouldn't work and he asked me if I had actually plugged it in???.......lol....i'm never going to live the bonnet thing down, he will have told everyone he knows. luckily managed to ring him before he came saying I had got mower going.

Right, now that drama is over, time to relax, get a glass of wine I think, and wave to any neighbours or grass police....and find some food...may order a pizza to celebrate lawn completion.


Edit....have just ordered a twelve inch kiev pizza to be delivered......six quid??....this either means it's going to be appalling, or it's really cheap around here. I haven't really tested the takeaways around here yet much. Time will tell, off to pour wine and feel smug about lawn. Asbo has eaten more of the spinach and moved out of the main house into the conservatory now the sunny days are coming. I have worked out she won't eat mint...so I could put mint pots around the spinach seedlings in conservatory to try and block her.


LB has sent some photos of the girls....they look lovely!, and are much more confident today, she'll tell you all about it later probably.

BookWorm

calicocat wrote: »

WELL.........lawn is cut!!! got up, gale had dried any damp so flew out to do it. I bought one of those safety things you are meant to plug it into?....wouldnt work with that so i'm assuming i've bought a krap mower and now need to trail the thing back to the shop and have no clue where the receipt would be, so just did it without safety plug and it worked. So I don't know if that means safety thing is duff...or if electrics are.......anyhow either way i'm alive.

yay for getting the lawn done (and of course still being alive lol)

Re: the safety thing. Does it have a reset button? Mine does and I have to press that before I switch on whatever I have plugged into it.