OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Byatt

MTSTM, I'm exhausted with all this coughing so excuse any apparent shortness, but I don't want to think too much...anyhow, I was a long married (almost 30 years) with a husband who never fought any battles, mine, his own, joint or whatever...I have always fought my own fight even though, inwardly (and once, outwardly) I am very shy, very non aggressive/assertive kind of person. I also fight others' battles when I won't say boo to a goose about my own. I always surprise people with a sudden, unexpected outburst, which means complete silence from everyone, and then a scurrying about to get out of the fall out zone. :cool:

I think a certain generation of women probably let the partner do battle, but not sure it's something that generally happens. My mother expected my father to "stand up" for her and was often very disappointed when in her eyes he hadn't. My father being more of a diplomat and knowing when it was best to keep quiet. :cool:

As for the talk of laziness, my ex would get exasperated with my "do it tomorrow" attitude, but I think that was because he wouldn't do things on his own, he was carp at DIY etc and usually got fed up half way through an already botched job, to botch it even more. But yes, my mother often wondered how I could be her daughter as tidiness is not in my genes. I fail the Welshness test again MTSTM, :rotfl:

I love being a lazy slob at times, more times than I should I suppose.

moneyistooshorttomention

Hi Byatt

I had gathered that, if anything, you would have been the one "battle fighting" fell to in your last relationship, so I'm not surprised by what you say.

I think it is particularly apparent in my mothers generation (now in their 80s or thereabouts) that its the case that women expect husbands to do the "battles" for them. Mind you...my father expects it as well and has been known to tell someone off "for speaking to my wife like that". Cue big smile from my mother, as she expects her husband to be like that.

Mind you...any boyfriend of mine who didn't "stand up for me" back in the day wouldn't have lasted long:rotfl:

Maybe I'll always fail the "Welshness test" re housework standards...but I will try harder once the place isn't such a tip:rotfl:. Well...I'm told I look Welsh. Do I get any brownie points for that?:D I got an astonished comment the other day from someone too that I had just spoken in a perfect Welsh accent:D (that's a work in progress and I'll probably land up half and half speaking in a neutral voice and a Welsh accent, as I tend to unconsciously mimic peoples voices after a while) :rotfl:

lostinrates

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Hi Byatt

I had gathered that, if anything, you would have been the one "battle fighting" fell to in your last relationship, so I'm not surprised by what you say.

I think it is particularly apparent in my mothers generation (now in their 80s or thereabouts) that its the case that women expect husbands to do the "battles" for them. Mind you...my father expects it as well and has been known to tell someone off "for speaking to my wife like that". Cue big smile from my mother, as she expects her husband to be like that.

Mind you...any boyfriend of mine who didn't "stand up for me" back in the day wouldn't have lasted long:rotfl:

Maybe I'll always fail the "Welshness test" re housework standards...but I will try harder once the place isn't such a tip:rotfl:. Well...I'm told I look Welsh. Do I get any brownie points for that?:D I got an astonished comment the other day from someone too that I had just spoken in a perfect Welsh accent:D (that's a work in progress and I'll probably land up half and half speaking in a neutral voice and a Welsh accent, as I tend to unconsciously mimic peoples voices after a while) :rotfl:

My mother's not that far of that age. No one fought any battle for her. She was married thrice.


DH does for me, but then.....I did suffer language loss and unconsciousness for a while, it was a period of adjustment for me!


I would say my single friends tackle this differently, and it highlights an important recurring theme, the importance of building a good supportive network that doesn't have to be family. However, I have friends who are sisters in their forties who live together and are definitely each others ' support'. Others have good friends. ( I do rent a husband to a couple of old female friends of his who want a bloke sometimes for something, particularly week night events).

I'd say my friends have filled in for DH in a traditional spouse support role a few times in the last year (one drove me to and froma procedure they wouldn't let me get public transport or a taxi from afterwards for example, nor drive myself) And similarly, DH , I or both of us have ticked friends off for overstepping boundaries, not sorting themselves out in one way or another, and been their cheer leaders when they needed that instead. Found 'the best' divorce solicitors and helped find people who knew things we didn't know about areas peoe were relocating too etc. cannot thing what else, but sure there is stuff.

Friends and that network of support should be a back up to help us fight our OWN battles ideally, married or not. That said, as a married, you bet I know I'm blessed, and you bet We work bloody hard at staying so blessed when we need to, and we're lucky ones, its comparitively easy for us to stay so blessed!

Byatt

You look Welsh? What does a Welsh person look like? I have a neutral accent now, but the accent pops up unexpectedly and when I go back home.

I remember as a child having the micky taken out of my Cardiff accent...we had moved about 10 miles out of Cardiff to a village! :cool:

moneyistooshorttomention

You mean that goes for right across Wales that "local" means "someone who comes from within about a 2 mile radius"?:rotfl:

Byatt

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

You mean that goes for right across Wales that "local" means "someone who comes from within about a 2 mile radius"?:rotfl:

Sometimes it means just the street you live in! :rotfl:We moved around a lot, but it wasn't until recently that I used Google to work out how far each house was from the other, mostly it was around 1-3 miles, but felt like a different country! :eek:

lostinrates

Byatt wrote: »

You look Welsh?:

An ex of mine used to say 'all welsh girls are pretty'. So, I'd take his take in it and run with that. .

Byatt

lostinrates wrote: »

An ex of mine used to say 'all welsh girls are pretty'. So, I'd take his take in it and run with that. .

I can live with that.

calicocat

Skim reading again as off to flipping work again.

I'm Welsh as was born there, cant remember living there I think it was a matter of days or weeks.

I haven't got the welsh tidy gene, but parents not welsh so maybe it's a DNA thing.....i do like collecting furniture though, and like old furniture.

Right...off to the grind.

calicocat

I can't post links being on a mobile.

But sticking with the Welsh theme....anyone seen the tree stumps that have popped up near Cardigan Bay???......quite eerie looking. if I lived nearer I would be down to have a look at that.