eliminating partner's debt

Southernman

From next month he's suggested himself to set up a standing order. He didn't contemplate being too busy in work to transfer and by setting up a SO it prevents it from happening in the months to come.

Last night he told his mum some extent of his issue and I could hear her screaming on the phone through the wall! She's picking him up from mine in a few hours and it's going to be a very stressful weekend for him. I know he's very worried but it's better for it to come out.

The insulting thing is that I'm not to know what's going on although I know more than his family. The reason she's coming is because 'something has happened to Grandad' so I have to play up to this facade.

HOK3Y

Southernman wrote: »

He has yet to tell his family, i'm the one who is burdened with it.

Oh my. I read your first post and my heart just sank - that's £5k that you have a good chance of never seeing again. The comment above is worth taking a little time to dwell on: Yes he has confessed all of his debts (hopefully - I'd ask for a credit report if I were you) but you didn't have to pay them for him. To a large degree, you have burdened yourself through nothing but sheer kindness. Please do not lend him any more money.


I cannot tell you what to do about your relationship. YOU cannot fix his gambling addiction. You can only be supportive. However, you can take an objective look at your life path and decide where it will go - if you believe whole heartedly that he will address his problem, that is one thing. If you think it's bluff, that's another. Take a look at the future and figure out where it is truly going and whether you like what you see. I am not leaning one way or another for you, I am simply saying this is a situation that requires thinking with your head as well as accepting your heart is involved.


Very, very best of luck to you.

Southernman

He is making the effort to pay me back. I'm really hoping by October everything will be gone and forgotten about and we can move on. I'm so desperate for this. It just seems so long away right now.

ViolaLass

Just to clarify, he's told you and his mum but he doesn't want his mum to know that you know? I wouldn't accept that. If mum knows, she and you could support each other.

Southernman

No his mum doesn't want me to know about the situation, he felt I had the right to know but she doesn't.

Too late for that as I knew before her and told him that his mum has a right to know.

ViolaLass

His mother doesn't think you should be told?! That's just bizarre.

Southernman

Tell me about it.

It's something to do with keeping the shame within the family?

He told me that his mum went berserk when she found I knew she'd applied for Royal Mail shares and because everyone got offered £750 worth unanimously it means she is still mad that I know how many shares she received.

Even though I and everyone else got the same.

Basically very private when it comes to family affairs but obviously I have a right to know when it comes to this

Mojisola

Southernman wrote: »

No his mum doesn't want me to know about the situation, he felt I had the right to know but she doesn't.

So he hasn't told his Mum that you have paid off his debts?

ViolaLass

I would have thought that it would only complicate matters if she doesn't know that you already know.

DCFC79

Hes made a decent start at paying you back OP and yourself have stood by him when I suspect others might have left the partner for doing something similar. Can't imagine how hard it must be for you.