eliminating partner's debt

Southernman

Mojisola wrote: »

So he hasn't told his Mum that you have paid off his debts?

She will know by now. She picked him up from mine half an hour ago

Southernman

DCFC79 wrote: »

Hes made a decent start at paying you back OP and yourself have stood by him when I suspect others might have left the partner for doing something similar. Can't imagine how hard it must be for you.

You're right. He's determined to make things right. His debt should be paid off by Oct but most likely earlier as he's providing me with what's left in his account as well at the end of each month.

It's hard and I'm still recovering from the shock of it all and It's been a month. Thought I'd be over it all by now especially since i've got £750

ViolaLass

Southernman wrote: »

She will know by now. She picked him up from mine half an hour ago

If she thinks you don't know and he's going along with that, I can't see him telling her that you have paid the debts off.

Vikipollard

Something that's worry me in this is, what if his Mum gives him the money (thinking he needs it to clear the debts if he HASNT told her you've already done so)? Would he tell you, do you think?

Southernman

She's now aware that he owes me money and how much. He's come clean to everything. She doesn't have the funds to pay me off as a gift anyway. If she did that would be wonderful because his savings going forward could go towards a house deposit 10 months sooner. Alas that won't be happening.

Mojisola

Southernman wrote: »

She's now aware that he owes me money and how much. He's come clean to everything. She doesn't have the funds to pay me off as a gift anyway. If she did that would be wonderful because his savings going forward could go towards a house deposit 10 months sooner. Alas that won't be happening.

No, it wouldn't because he wouldn't have to face up to what he's done!

Also, do you realise that this won't be the last time he gambles money away? Whenever he gets stressed or upset, he will be very tempted to hide away in his addiction.

Vikipollard

Thanks for clearing that up ~ I was genuinely a bit worried for you that he might lapse with access to a lump sum


Moji is right; at least having to pay you back in instalments he is being forced to pay HIS debt. I appreciate this means you are not in the position you might have been with regard to saving for a house, but in all honesty, that might not be a bad thing. It will give time for you to see if he is able to sustain his payments to you, but equally importantly stay away from gambling.


Wishing you lots of luck

Kate_fixing_it

I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, and I have a "difficult" relationship with one set of in-laws (I have 3 sets! Long story), but IMO if you are living together you ARE family! His mother should be thankful you care enough to bail him out. I apologise if this sounds harsh but he needs to grow up, you have done an amazing thing and taken a huge risk for him, I just hope he appreciates it.

BTW his mother sounds like a nightmare - much like my in-laws - and I think you're going to have a battle and a half on your hands with his mother. It seems like she doesn't realise he's an adult and responsible for his own actions. I really feel for you.

I wish you both all the best for the future.

Kate x

thorsoak

I think that it is good that you have given him until October to pay off this debt to you ....but I would be very wary about connecting your finances, even after that date.

If, by this time next year, he has paid you back everything he owes, if he is not betting on-line, making excuses as to why doesn't have as much money as anticipated, then maybe then you can talk about it all.

What worries me is that it is you who has MADE him cut the betting out of his life - if as I suspect, he is an addict, the addiction will always win.

Southernman

We don't live together which may or may not change things.

Truth is his mum scares me to death!