eliminating partner's debt

Southernman

I don't think he will ever want to be in this position again. He knows he's hurt both me and his family and I'm monitoring his account anyway so he couldn't.

I think he knows he's on his last chance. I seriously don't think he'd ever try and destroy me again

Kate_fixing_it

Southernman wrote: »

We don't live together which may or may not change things.

Truth is his mum scares me to death!

My "difficult" in-laws used to scare me, the others accepted me as family immediately. TBH (and only my opinion again) his mother is probably more scared of you and the fact that she'll eventually become less important than you.

Whatever happens I hope you choose the path that makes you happy.

Kate x

Southernman

An update on the debt situation

Another £400 thrown at the debt meaning current outstanding owed balance is £3450 compared to the original £5000

Although we are now not together. As much as i tried i just couldn't deal with what had happened and had to make a clean break from it all. The mentality of being punished for something i hadn't done was very tough going and in the end it drove us apart.

Right now i'm just trying to enjoy life with friends and family. I trust him enough to continue making payments because by doing so i have saved him £90 a month...over a grand in 1 year. Who knows how long it would have taken him to pay it all off otherwise with the interest constantly being added on. He also knows that that money was my emergency savings and right now those funds are looking rather bleak!

We do have a contractual agreement in place so worst case scenario i would have to go through the courts but i doubt it would come to that.

Onwards and upwards i suppose.

It's all still raw though.

BILLIE

Bless you! I didn't want to read and run - I really do feel for you, can't say I don't blame you because I think you would have always been wondering whether he was back gambling or not. I just really hope that the remaining £3450 gets paid back to you and that he actually considers giving you a little more for the interest you have lost it not being in your savings account.

Take care of yourself, your wounds will heal in time and keep coming on her for a little surreal support. xxx

DanFish

I had a gambling problem and i am now in 6k of debt, i haven't gambled for 2 months now so i am on the path to sorting things out.
The first thing is he recognises he has a problem, it took me a long while to realise the problem was my gambling and not that i was unlucky.
The second thing is he needs your support(moral not financial) although it may be hard, i had to open up with my problems to people who knew nothing about it and without their support i would not be on here writing this reply.
His financial mess is his own and you should not bail him out of it. He needs to address his debts himself with the help of people on this forum.
As stated previously it's an addiction and as long as there are ways to lie and get away with it he will just carry on, i did. I knew i had access to credit, payday loans and i used it and abused it and now i am paying the price.
Your partner needs to address this immediately there is no light at the end of this tunnel if the gambling persists.

Upsidedown_Bear

DanFish wrote: »

I had a gambling problem and i am now in 6k of debt, i haven't gambled for 2 months now so i am on the path to sorting things out.
The first thing is he recognises he has a problem, it took me a long while to realise the problem was my gambling and not that i was unlucky.
The second thing is he needs your support(moral not financial) although it may be hard, i had to open up with my problems to people who knew nothing about it and without their support i would not be on here writing this reply.
His financial mess is his own and you should not bail him out of it. He needs to address his debts himself with the help of people on this forum.
As stated previously it's an addiction and as long as there are ways to lie and get away with it he will just carry on, i did. I knew i had access to credit, payday loans and i used it and abused it and now i am paying the price.
Your partner needs to address this immediately there is no light at the end of this tunnel if the gambling persists.

The OP said in the update earlier today that they are no longer together.

Southernman wrote: »

Although we are now not together. As much as i tried i just couldn't deal with what had happened and had to make a clean break from it all. The mentality of being punished for something i hadn't done was very tough going and in the end it drove us apart.

OP - I hope he does continue to pay you back and you feel better soon:)

Southernman

So another month has passed and true to his word £400 has been transferred to my account.

Unfortunately he gone down down the no contact route which i'm upset about. I don't know how he is, whether his gambling is under control or quite frankly anything really which is upsetting because i still care and want to know he's ok. Four years is a long time for someone just to cut themselves completely from your life!

At least i know his family are now aware so he isn't dealing with the gambling/debt all alone. I know that he has some alternative support even if that can't be me.

To date debt stands at £3050 left to pay from what was £5k so almost 40% there. Not as daunting as it once was. Still a bit to go but should be completely paid by the end of 2014.

I do plan on updating this thread every month as i do appreciate the support from you guys.

Puddylove

I know it probably still feels raw, but you may have had a lucky escape.
One of my ex-partners only admitted to being in debt after we'd been putting offers on houses (luckily refused) to buy with my savings as a deposit. He was £26k in debt on a salary of £17k but had lied about it.
I spent years taking extra work, promotion with free accommodation, etc to help him.
Of course, he turned out to be a liar in all other aspects of life, not just money, and I left him. How I wish I'd escaped as early as you have!

Southernman

Wow. When you're in a real life environment you look around you and think that everyone's lives are perfect. It's only when you go on a forum like this when you realise how this is rarely the case. People never discuss finances in the same way this forum does so it helps put things into perspective.

I personally have never been in debt, i'm meticulous with every penny so for this to happen to me was and still is a massive shock to the system.

Even now i feel physically sick whenever i walk past a betting shop and my stomach lurches everytime there's an advert for William Hill on television.

NHS_worker_bee

Southernman wrote: »

Wow. When you're in a real life environment you look around you and think that everyone's lives are perfect. It's only when you go on a forum like this when you realise how this is rarely the case. People never discuss finances in the same way this forum does so it helps put things into perspective.

Nobody's life is actually perfect even if it appears that way. This forum is great because people can honestly and anonymously discuss their problems, get advice and strive for a better future.

It feels raw now but in the future when you are happy and living your life to the full, free from your ex-partner's debt, you will probably look back on this time in your life as a lucky escape. Best wishes for the future.