Teens and sex in the house

daisiegg

itsanne wrote: »

I'm more with thorsoak here. They can be interchangeable, but they aren't always.


At 59 I'm more than a little surprised at the circumstances of some of the younger people on here, and their acceptance of the status quo. It's one thing not allowing one night stands, but quite another to object to longstanding partners who live together sharing a room. Strange hangups some people have :cool:.

My parents are catholic, did not have sex before marriage themselves and would have preferred that none of their children did. They couldn't control what we did outside the house but they didn't have to let it happen under their roof! My parents were very upset when I moved in with my partner (who is now my husband) and our relationship was quite strained for a few months while they got their heads around it. Fwiw, like another poster said, the position of no boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping over was quite normal within my peers and friendship group - no one would have dreamed of having a boyfriend/girlfriend to sleep over in the same room. I had a boyfriend for around 4 years who lived 2 hours from us so he used to stay over a lot - but NOT in the same room as me! Similarly, when I stayed with him, it was separate rooms. In fact, he had an older sister who was in her late twenties and lived with her partner....when they stayed over it was separate rooms too! His family were not Christian so it is not always about religion.

I see it as parents making their position clear. I think basically if they are not letting their offspring have partners to sleep in their house really the point they are making is they would rather they were not having sex at all. Obviously they understand they can't control what happens outside their home but they are in charge of what happens under their roof. In a way it's like, I don't know...imagine a Muslim household who believed drinking alcohol was wrong. Adult children may disagree and enjoy drinking alcohol outside of the home, but that doesn't mean the parents have to start buying in the beer just because their house is also their children's 'home'.

If parents DON'T think sex before marriage is wrong then I don't understand why they won't allow partners to sleep over...obviously none of what I have said above applies in that case.

claire16c

My friends parents are Catholic but her boyfriend of 2 years has just moved in with them. And yes they are sleeping in the same room.

I think he started staying over there occasionally when hed known her for a few months, and then now theyve both moved back in after living together for a while, to save up a house deposit.

So sometimes I think religion has nothing to do with it, its more of an attitude thing. Its not really realistic in this day & age to expect people to not sleep with someone before they get married, when the average age I think for a women is 29!! (Although often Ive noticed very religious people get married at a much younger age - and dont really 'wait' for marriage they just bring the marriage forward!).

securityguy

paulineb wrote: »

Someone is old, housebound and desperate to see her kids and grandkids and is just left to it? That's about as callous as you can get in my view.

They might regret it in later years.

I don't buy the infantilisation of middle-aged obsessives. In the instant case, she was in her mid fifties when she was noisily unpleasant to her daughters' partners. She wanted her daughters to marry as virgins and went on about it endlessly: I was in my teens at the time and recall all the rowing. They both lived with their partners for some years, and she both refused to have them to stay and refused to stay under their roofs; as they had moved away to university and then to work, this meant she refused to see them. I wonder if she thought "I might regret it in later years"?

So pauline, do you think that people who refuse to either welcome or visit their children because of their obsessions about sex should be forgiven later, just because they're old? They weren't old when they were being obnoxious, were they? Actions have consequences. She referred to one of grandchildren as a "b a s t a r d" because their mother wasn't married: I wonder if she regrets that now?

She could pick up a phone and apologise. Instead, she claims that she did nothing wrong and her children are just being spiteful.

neverdespairgirl

I'm the eldest of 4 children, and started going out with my still OH when I was 20, and my sisters and brother were 18, 14 and 12. OH was welcome to stay at my parents' house, and regularly did so over Christmas etc, but not in my room. That stayed the case until I was pregnant with our now 8 year old (I'm 35 now) and since then we've shared a room under their roof.

My parents' house, my parents' rules, it didn't bother us. After all, we lived together the rest of the time! I'm very close to my parents, and OH gets on with them very well, too. No lonely elders not seeing me or their grandson. My younger sister and my brother still live with my parents, and don't bring partners back, ever. Sister is silent on the issue, Bruv's girlfriend is in Korea, where he worked for 3 years until last October.

GobbledyGook

I think there's a vast difference between having a one night stand back to the house and a long term partner.

I don't understand the separate rooms thing for people who've been living together etc. I can't imagine 'have sex in parents house with them next door' is on many people's kink list so when people are going to bed when visiting it'd be to sleep. It's a bit weirdly presumptuous to think your child and their long term partner are going to be at it like rabbits the minute the door is closed.

I intend to be very like my grandparents when my children are older. We were allowed partners to stay over once they'd become long-term partners (I think 3/4 months was the earliest) and had been introduced to them. Nana figured that if we were going to be having sex we were going to do it anyway and she'd rather we were warm and safe rather than in a car or whatever. She rather bluntly told us that rushing with a condom was one of her worries because she didn't want us landed with an unplanned/unexpected pregnancy because we were worried about time/being caught etc.

Actually thinking about it her openness/bluntness about sex probably put us both off sex for ages!

BritAbroad

Interesting thread. I'm actually really surprised at the number of people who would let their teenagers share a room with their partner.

My OH and I were together six years before we married, though we were engaged after three. We both still lived at home during this time. Although we were allowed to stay over at each other's houses, sharing a room at either house was out of the question. Virtually all of my friends, cousins, acquaintances etc were the same - even those who shared student flats with boyfriends etc - still not allowed to share a room at home. We're not talking years ago either - I'm only in my 30s! I actually thought that not sharing a room was pretty much the norm. I wonder if it's a geographical trend rather than an age one?

Buzzybee90

Not in reply to OP, but to others. Just because they're sharing a room, it doesn't automatically mean they're having sex.

A lot more younger people abstain from sex than is widely reported.

Speaking as a young person myself.

claire16c

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I think there's a vast difference between having a one night stand back to the house and a long term partner.

I don't understand the separate rooms thing for people who've been living together etc. I can't imagine 'have sex in parents house with them next door' is on many people's kink list so when people are going to bed when visiting it'd be to sleep. It's a bit weirdly presumptuous to think your child and their long term partner are going to be at it like rabbits the minute the door is closed.

I intend to be very like my grandparents when my children are older. We were allowed partners to stay over once they'd become long-term partners (I think 3/4 months was the earliest) and had been introduced to them. Nana figured that if we were going to be having sex we were going to do it anyway and she'd rather we were warm and safe rather than in a car or whatever. She rather bluntly told us that rushing with a condom was one of her worries because she didn't want us landed with an unplanned/unexpected pregnancy because we were worried about time/being caught etc.

Actually thinking about it her openness/bluntness about sex probably put us both off sex for ages!

Yup my nan & grandad & my grandad were always fine if me & my boyfriend stayed at theirs with us being in the same room. My nan asked my dad was my sister a virgin as if she wasn't she was totally fine if she wanted to share a room with her boyfriend if not she'd make up another bed. My sister was mortified lol! She is Dutch though & they are much more progressive!

My grandad I don't really remember him saying much I just know we stayed at his for Xmas one year & it was just assumed that we'd be in the same room.

Buzzybee90

When I was a teen, on the one occasion I stayed at my boyfriends house it was separate rooms.

ilikewatch

I haven't read every post in this thread, so may just be repeating what someone else has said, but...

Teenagers go to nightclubs, meet strangers and have sex with them. They did decades ago when I was a teenager, and they still do now. It's not just "a certain type" of teenager who does this - plenty do, including lots of well brought up, well educated and intelligent young people.

I must admit I don't have teenage children, but when I do I think that as much as I would rather they only have sex with a partner who they are in a healthy and stable relationship with, I won't have any say in this matter. If my children choose to have one night stands with strangers I would rather it was in a safer environment such as my house, rather than in the back of a car parked in the middle of nowhere, or down some alley way behind a kebab shop.

However, "my house, my rules" If I thought that their behaviour was having a significant negative impact on other members of the family then they would be asked to moderate their behaviour or get their marching orders.