2014: a selfish year

lulabelle

So, I've woken up this morning and as much turmoil as I'm in and as hard as this is it just can't continue. I've decided to focus back on fitness. If I can eat healthy and exercise I'll start feeling a lot better and when you feel good you can cope with the !!!! life throws at you

I'll also look better which will of course add to it

So, instead of this stupid not eating business I'm going to go to the shop at lunch and get something really healthy and full of vitamins

That will be my start

DreamerHelen

lulabelle wrote: »

So, I've woken up this morning and as much turmoil as I'm in and as hard as this is it just can't continue. I've decided to focus back on fitness. If I can eat healthy and exercise I'll start feeling a lot better and when you feel good you can cope with the !!!! life throws at you

I'll also look better which will of course add to it

So, instead of this stupid not eating business I'm going to go to the shop at lunch and get something really healthy and full of vitamins

That will be my start

That sounds like a good plan!! I know it's hard....but if you can focus on something else (that's healthy) for a while I think that will be a good thing....


Maybe have an ultimate Goal of some sort....maybe join one of the Charity Challenges or something....climb a Mountain or do a Marathon....or Race for Life....or something like that...it might give you something to aim for....


Anyway...Just popping in to wish you luck and to say please keep on posting....we're all here to support you x

lulabelle

So, yesterday was not v successful!

Tried to get something healthy at lunch but there was !!!!!! all so ended up with coronation chicken baguette!!!

Then worked late and stupidly asked friends if they fancied a drink. 3 pints later find self heading to a French cafe and then steak and half a bottle of wine

Feel like crap today, spent loads and have so much work to do

Still done over him and obv hoping he'll change his mind. Wondering if he's actually bothered/missing me - prob not

lulabelle

Today was hard. I think I was depressed due to alcohol last night and everything just seems bleak again

Looked into a few things like maybe leaving here and going back to uni but it's all just so uncertain and bleak

Have loads of work to get done and will probably have to work Sunday which depresses me even more

It's crap because before now, after a !!!! day at work, I had him to give me a hug, cook with, talk to and now I don't - I come home to an empty house

Buffythedebtslayer

Lulabelle,


On the bright side you are eating and socialising.


Don't be so hard on yourself, just keep working and planning.


And keep posting XXXXX

lulabelle

Thanks bufster. I really appreciate your support.x

Am going out tomorrow night with the friends I was out with last night. Just wish was going out with him - Friday night was normally "our" night and the one night a week where he could stay over

Hope I don't bump into him. Not sure what I'd do

I keep trying to focus on thinking that there must be some good times ahead but it's so hard - really thought I'd met someone amazing

Buffythedebtslayer

Logic.


Nothing stays the same for ever.


I just hope you know that I have/am going through similar. Wish to God I had never got in touch with ex again. not my style at all.


have to work but thinking of you XXX

lulabelle

Thanks Buffy. My brother just rang me for half an hour which was good because it makes me think someone gives a !!!!

Just fake tanned up so I look hot tomorrow night. At least if I bump into him I should look fabulous

I've let myself get sucked back into taking co-codamol. I took it all of last year when I was going through a bad time as I felt it made me able to cope. I can only get the shop strength ones though and they barely have any effect on me now. I know it's not good for me or my organs but I can't help it

I just keep playing out scenarios in my head where he gets in touch and says he's been an idiot - stupid really as just torturing myself and is unlikely to Happen anyway

One of my good friends announced she was pregnant today - am obv delighted for her but makes me more depressed about the state of my own life. She's only 31, happily married a year ago and lives in a gorgeous house with her lovely husband. Some people have all the luck

Baldybear

Please dont take the co-codamol, it will do you more harm than good, wish I could offer some fab advice but I cant, sorry Really hope you have a good time tonight, I do hope you can try and move on somehow.

Under any circumstances do not do what I did when my ex broke my heart, do not think you need a challenge and book a weeks horse trekking to Iceland, yes it was august but still the weather was rubbish, trying to pee whilst holding a hossie in an open lava field in gale force winds and hailstones and no shelter, nope not a good idea :rotfl:

lulabelle

Thanks BB - love the horsie story!

So, yesterday was pretty !!!!. Couldn't focus at work at all which means will need to work tomorrow or make up for it

Went out for drinks and dinner with good friends last night which was nice but I still feel empty and miss him terribly

Toyed with the idea of sending him a message saying I miss you but decided against it because a) if he doesn't respond I'll agonise over why, b) if he does respond and it's anything other than miss you too I'll over analyse and agonise and c) if he actually missed me at all the surely he would have been in touch and said so