2014: a selfish year

lulabelle

Just wonder when the hell I'm going to get over this. Keep bursting into tears

I'm really missing him now

lulabelle

Right, dint know what to do. Someone I know (female) has invited me out for drinks/dinner tonight. I hung around with this person a lot 5 years ago when my fianc! left me and she has a heart of gold but is pretty full on and I got into quite a few states when was with her so eventually weaned self off her company

Tonight will be other girls there but I don't know them

Do I go?! I'm knackered and depressed and I have to work tomorrow. If I go I'll also spend loads of money as she has really expensive tastes

Her take on this was "get yourself dolled up and out on the town and show him what he's missing" but my confidence is at an all time low

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello,


Wasn't on earlier but hope you went out. I don't know when it will end honey, we are all different.


hugs in the mean time


XXXX

lulabelle

So I went out. Wish I hadn't - almost £100 later, snogged a complete idiot and just feel empty

I really ought to be working today but I'm so hungover

Was walking home in tears and some boy stopped to ask if I was ok and I just had a breakdown

I just miss this man with all my heart and I just want to get in contact to sort it out

lulabelle

So, knowing this is a difficult week for him I sent him a message yesterday saying if he wanted to talk (not about us but if he needed someone to talk to about what he's going through) or just wanted some company to give me a call and I'd be there for him

I just got "thanks that's very kind" back

Why the fcuk am I doing this to myself?!

lulabelle

Still so fed up of everything

Only bit of good news is that my dad has sent me some money towards holidays (he bets on the horses and whatever he wins from jan - June he divides by 4 and sends us - I'd already had a wodge back in April but he sent me another £255 today)

And after 5.5 years there's finally a buyer for my engagement ring. It's on the market for £11,400 and I've been offered £10,000 which, after jewellers commission is £9,000. Given that my ex didn't pay me a penny of what I paid him towards the mortgage and he was the one who broke it off as he was having an affair I have absolutely no guilt over having that cash

I should also get (presuming we are split which, given current behaviour I think we are) £576 back from boyfriend for the holiday we'd booked

So, good day cash wise but still pretty heartbroken

Went out with 2 of my male friends last night. Was with just one of them at first whilst waiting for the other. I really trust him and he's always said nice things to me like his life is better for me being in it. He thinks I was settling for the last chap and liked the idea of him more than him. He didn't think he had a strong enough personality for me. May be something in that as this friend knows me very well

Buffythedebtslayer

If I had the answer to that I'd write a best selling self help book and solve all our problems!


Listen to your friend, annoying as it is they can sometimes be right.


Big hugs, am still essay writing so a bit all over the show, have cut contact with dating site and it is actually quite a relief.


XXXXX

lulabelle

What do you have to do an essay for?

Yeah, I think my friend is probably right as much as it pains me to admit it. He presented as a lovely guy (he's not really being lovely at the moment) and was nice to me. Other than inviting me to family stuff though I'm not sure he really made me feel special other than on a couple of early occasions

And lots of baggage which I swore I'd never have again

Think I have to move on

lulabelle

So, 2 days in a row where not cried over idiot boyfriend. Think I might be getting there

Buffythedebtslayer

Good work gorgeous XXXX