Would this bother you?

Georgiegirl256

I can understand you being peeved that the things have been passed from pillar to post when you just originally lent them for the first baby. However, not everyone has the same good manners, and some people just don't think. If I lent someone items and they didn't return them after they'd finished with them but passed them on instead, then I too would find that rude and would be annoyed.

You shouldn't have to make allowances for other people, but you have to realise hat some people don't have the same thought process, and will think nothing of loaning things on to the next person who might need said items. Even though you said you wanted those items back, people either don't listen properly, or have selective memories.

Unless it's someone I can trust without doubt, I wouldn't be loaning things out, and if I did then I'd realise that I might not be getting them back.

onlyroz

I am a bit puzzled here - baby clothes, especially baby gros, *do* get worn out, either by wear and tear, sick and poo, grass stains, or constant laundering, and I wouldn't really expect them to last much beyond one or two children. If I gave a relative some clothes, unless it was a particularly posh outfit only worn for occasional parties, I certainly wouldn't expect to get it back in pristine condition if at all.

As for the toy - I understand that it was expensive but you've not really given a reason for *why* you want it back if you're not pregnant and have no immediate plans for any more children. I can understand how your relative might have presumed that if you were happy for them to use it then you would be happy for your other relatives to use it as well.

So why, exactly, do you want these things back? Is it just for the sentimental value? And if they meant so much to you then why did you lend them in the first place?

System

notanewuser wrote: »

Thanks. I haven't loaned or given anything precious.

notanewuser wrote: »

DD's cot was an heirloom and far too precious to lend out. .

Make your mind up woman!

Yes as I said before I'd be pretty angry too but then again, I wouldn't have lent the things out in the first place.

You must take responsibility for some of the situation your in.

notanewuser

Judi wrote: »

Make your mind up woman!

Yes as I said before I'd be pretty angry too but then again, I wouldn't have lent the things out in the first place.

You must take responsibility for some of the situation your in.

:huh:

Where did I say I'd lent anybody DD's cot?! She was still using it when her first set of cousins arrived.

Nothing we've lent out is precious or of significant sentimental value, but I begrudge their assumption that it was okay to keep/trash/give away our stuff!!!

System

Your right of course, and I really need to go to bed as I totally misread your post.

I think your going to have to chalk this up to experience as the chance of you getting your stuff back in decent condition is pretty remote.

notanewuser

onlyroz wrote: »

I am a bit puzzled here - baby clothes, especially baby gros, *do* get worn out, either by wear and tear, sick and poo, grass stains, or constant laundering, and I wouldn't really expect them to last much beyond one or two children. If I gave a relative some clothes, unless it was a particularly posh outfit only worn for occasional parties, I certainly wouldn't expect to get it back in pristine condition if at all.

I bought some of DD's clothes second hand (still do) and they were in perfect condition - just softer than they would have been new. They were in the same condition when DD outgrew them (and being slim that was past the point where the ages matched. So she wore them for longer than you'd expect and they were still in perfectly usable condition. As I said, she wasn't sicky or explosive in the nappy department and I know other babies can be. But still, I didn't expect for none of them to make their way back to me.

onlyroz wrote: »

As for the toy - I understand that it was expensive but you've not really given a reason for *why* you want it back if you're not pregnant and have no immediate plans for any more children. I can understand how your relative might have presumed that if you were happy for them to use it then you would be happy for your other relatives to use it as well.

So why, exactly, do you want these things back? Is it just for the sentimental value? And if they meant so much to you then why did you lend them in the first place?

Do we need a reason to want things we've loaned out back? I could have done with my TENS machine back several times in the 7 months since baby E was born. I've asked several times over the period. Not only do I not have it, they "don't know" if they still have it. They wouldn't dream of offering to replace it, nor could they afford to, so that will cost me £80 to replace if they can't find it by the time we next go up there. I lent it because I found it helpful in labour, my SIL thought she would find it helpful and I could live without it for 6 weeks. 34 weeks later I still don't have it.

We lent the stuff because it was a nice thing to do. We were being helpful to family members about to enter the chaos of parenthood. DH feels guilty about being away from his family. We felt guilty that we'd got pregnant so easily and they had to have years of IVF and heartache. They've repaid our kindness with thoughtlessness and repeated disregard of our daughter. We've had other friends we would have liked to offer things to, but couldn't because they were being held for an extended period up north. Seeing the toy at the other brother's house with no mention to us at all was the last straw.

Our intention to have/not have more children has naff all to do with it - it was lent with the expection it be looked after and returned to us. I don't think that was that much to ask, really.

brunettifan

As a newish poster I have developed a habit of reading older threads by some posters. I am finding it very informative.

I have just been reading some of your earlier threads and I have to say that it seems to me that it is not the things you have loaned that is the issue but who you loaned them to. It is obvious you don't like/hold a real grudge against your partner's family for real or perceived slights, and so this is yet another problem they have caused.

You also seem to have problems with your partner, his job, with looking after your daughter, with his attitude towards his family, with schools, with Santa, and more.

The common denominator (apart from yourself) seems to be that your partner comes from a family with a different dynamic to you, so the solution to all your problems seems simple. Leave him, divorce his family, go back home, get back to work and voila all your troubles will cease.

Just a thought.

Nicki

My suspicion is that when the wealthy southern wife who took the brother/son to live 250 miles from his family demands her baby stuff back from a broke family whose children who are still using it, the fact that she isn't pregnant and isn't planning on becoming pregnant will not be seen by the rest of the family as having "naff all" to do with anything and this will cause a rift which will never be healed. Still some prices are apparently worth paying for an important point of principle and a few hundred pounds worth of stuff which it transpires was mostly second hand in the first place...

notanewuser

Wow. Just wow.

Nicki wrote: »

My suspicion is that when the wealthy southern wife who took the brother/son to live 250 miles from his family

DH had been 250 miles away from his family for about 7 years before I even met him. As for wealthy, !!!!!!?!

Nicki wrote: »

demands her baby stuff back from a broke family whose children who are still using it,

Who is still using it? Who is broke? Who is demanding anything?

Nicki wrote: »

the fact that she isn't pregnant and isn't planning on becoming pregnant will not be seen by the rest of the family as having "naff all" to do with anything and this will cause a rift which will never be healed. Still some prices are apparently worth paying for an important point of principle and a few hundred pounds worth of stuff which it transpires was mostly second hand in the first place...

Mostly second hand? The expensive stuff was brand-blimmin-new!!!

Would you like me to recommend you some reading comprehension exercises? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

notanewuser

brunettifan wrote: »

As a newish poster I have developed a habit of reading older threads by some posters. I am finding it very informative.

I have just been reading some of your earlier threads and I have to say that it seems to me that it is not the things you have loaned that is the issue but who you loaned them to. It is obvious you don't like/hold a real grudge against your partner's family for real or perceived slights, and so this is yet another problem they have caused.

You also seem to have problems with your partner, his job, with looking after your daughter, with his attitude towards his family, with schools, with Santa, and more.

The common denominator (apart from yourself) seems to be that your partner comes from a family with a different dynamic to you, so the solution to all your problems seems simple. Leave him, divorce his family, go back home, get back to work and voila all your troubles will cease.

Just a thought.

Hilarious!

I am home. I do work.

!!!!!! does Santa have to do with this? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: