Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

Jinx

IMO a 12 year old is old enough to understand the basics of money. Ie salary minus bills equals not a lot left for luxuries etc.

If she believes maintenance is being paid then I don't think her mother should lie to her, the short, simplest explanation would be best.

I always encouraged conversations about money (including maintenance) with my daughter as I have in the past been terrible with money and therefore wanted to be open and encourage debate/opinion.

Errata

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Yes I know. It just seems a shame though that she should have to be involved in such adult affairs just because her mum and dad don't live together any more.

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The children became involved in adult affairs the second the father left the family home.

Alleycat

I think I agree with those who are saying that it would be best to let her know gently that actually there isn't any maintenance to pass on to her for clothing allowance. It doesn't need to be said in an accusatory way but it's not fair on mum or daughter for her to continue to think that there is money being paid that she's not getting to feel the benefit of. Especially as mum has had to increase her hours for no real financial gain.

I understand from your later posts fabforty that mum has made a decision. I really hope it works out for her.

seven-day-weekend

Errata wrote: »

The children became involved in adult affairs the second the father left the family home.

Yes you are right, unfortunately

DUTR

I have skim read many of the replies, I'm still yet to understand the purpose of telling the child, what is it just bragging rights?
Whether the guy is contributing or not, doesn't change the actual situation financially.
Long gone are the days where the guy is just solely a bread winner and the lady collects, this is the 21st century and equal opportunity for both genders to earn and financially fend for themselves once they reach adulthood.

Person_one

DUTR wrote: »

I have skim read many of the replies, I'm still yet to understand the purpose of telling the child, what is it just bragging rights?
Whether the guy is contributing or not, doesn't change the actual situation financially.
Long gone are the days where the guy is just solely a bread winner and the lady collects, this is the 21st century and equal opportunity for both genders to earn and financially fend for themselves once they reach adulthood.

It's usually best to read a thread properly before commenting.

seven-day-weekend

I think I am maybe looking at this situation through rose-coloured glasses and not wanting the girl to be hurt or upset, or to have any hurt or resentment towards either parent. Maybe that is unrealistic if a family has split up and one parent decides to absolve himself of his responsibilities.

It's just such a terrible shame and tbh, the only people who I know well who have split up and one has re-married have joint custody of the children and they live with their mum and dad equally. AFAIK no-one pays the other one anything because they both support the children equally and each parent has to have a suitable size house/car etc.

Oh well, if the girl has to find out how selfish her dad is, that's a little bit more of her childhood gone. What a shame.

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

It's usually best to read a thread properly before commenting.

Not all near 300 replies that none have offered any logic as to why tell the child, I don't see the point other than to spite the NRP, there was another reply to the Dad will regret it later in years to come, sadly one of those threats that never really ring true, as mentioned earlier it seems it's just about bragging rights that have not come to fruition.

GobbledyGook

DUTR wrote: »

Not all near 300 replies that none have offered any logic as to why tell the child, I don't see the point other than to spite the NRP, there was another reply to the Dad will regret it later in years to come, sadly one of those threats that never really ring true, as mentioned earlier it seems it's just about bragging rights that have not come to fruition.

It's not about bragging rights at all.

The girl has asked a specific question - Can she have some of the maintenance money for clothing.

The fact that the mother took any time at all to formulate a reply shows it's far from simply a chance to bad mouth the father.

It's about the best way to explain to a girl that despite her mother working more hours there isn't any money. It's understandable if she knows there was maintenance plus now Mum is working more.

If you read through you'll see that many people suggested explaining to the girl in ways that doesn't paint the Dad badly deliberately - just gets the point across rather than just giving the girl a blanket no (and therefore implying there is maintenance money there.)

Jinx

Reasons to tell the child:

-Its the truth
-So any building resentment re not getting a share of the maintenance money is resolved
-to open up discussions about what is/isn't viable within the family budget
-why would you not want to have an open and honest conversation with your child when a question is being asked?

How about that for starters?