Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

Pollycat

silvercar wrote: »

Bad-mouthing is criticising someone behind their back - whether it is their fault or not. So even if it is true [that dad has chosen to stop work] to criticise him behind his back is bad mouthing.

I agree with FBaby about your definitions of 'criticising' & 'bad-mouthing'.

If you tell a child a true fact without emotion - let's use your example - "Your Dad has chosen to stop work" - how can that possibly be seen as criticising?
It's simply stating a fact.
He did make a choice to stop working.

And if it isn't criticising, it isn't bad-mouthing.

mumps

Pollycat wrote: »

Actually, I do get what a discussion is.
And I never said I made the rules on here, did I?



I don't think you understand 'on topic'. :rotfl:

And no, I didn't get the connection between the OP's question and your posts about your daughter's illness or general drinking, drugs and gambling.

Well one last try, people were talking about having to be completely open or you are lying and that was damaging to your relationship with children. I was giving an example of an occasion when I didn't give my child all the information and I think it was the right thing to do, some people agreed wth that. I don't think anyone disagreed.

And I wasn't the only one, was I?

And someone people did understand, didn't they?

Wow!
I've really ruffled your feathers, haven't I?

No but I do think you are quite aggressive and rude in your response. I have noticed it on other threads as well.

Do you understand what a discussion is?
Or can you not bear to have anyone disagree with you?

I am quite happy for people to disagree with me, that is what a discussion. You seem to think people have to agree with you. I have said I think people can give children this sort of information without coming across as judgemental or negative but that it is hard to do and for that reason I wouldn't chance it. Also if you look at some people on here it seems they would be quite negative as they seem to think the father deserves it. Maybe he does but the daughter doesnlt.

Anyway I am done, hope the OPs friend does OK and her children are OK, that is ultimately what matters.

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

Mumps
before we go any further on the wrong foot - which I don't really want to do - I'd like to explain my comment (above) to your post (above).

So you've decided to pick through my previous post rather than reading the later one.
You're obviously far more interested in continuing this than listening.
And - you know what, Mumps - that's fine by me.

mumps wrote: »

I am quite happy for people to disagree with me, that is what a discussion. You seem to think people have to agree with you. I have said I think people can give children this sort of information without coming across as judgemental or negative but that it is hard to do and for that reason I wouldn't chance it. Also if you look at some people on here it seems they would be quite negative as they seem to think the father deserves it. Maybe he does but the daughter doesnlt.

Anyway I am done

Where did I say people have to agree with me?

You seem to be reading more into my posts than I'm writing.

You wouldn't chance telling a 12 year old girl that her Dad doesn't pay maintenance even though that may impact negatively on the mother's relationship with her.

Maybe you would deserve that type of relationship with your daughter....

At least the OP's friend seems to feel that she needs to tell the daughter the truth.

I think enough people on here have agreed that it should be possible to do that without being negative.

You may think I'm rude and aggressive - but you would say that as I don't agree with your viewpoint. :rotfl:

I don't 'do' "There, There, Hun' type of posts.
I do 'blunt'.
I do 'factual'.
That's me.
If you see that as 'rude and aggressive' that's entirely your prerogative.

mumps wrote: »

hope the OPs friend does OK and her children are OK, that is ultimately what matters.

At least we agree on one thing.

FBaby

And if it isn't criticising, it isn't bad-mouthing.

What also confuses the debate is that we are here focussing on the negatives (since the OP was focussing on a negative point). However, it is possible to mention something that can be interpreted as negative, whilst mentioning at another time something positive.

I do say good things about their dads to my children regularly. If they mention that he has been injured for exemple, I will show genuine concern and ask if he is ok. When they mention that they get better hot meals at their dad, I laugh and say 'well yes, but daddy has always been a better cook than I'. I am the type of person to say what I think, and even though I adapt to my children as there are things I wouldn't want to share with them, all in all, I do tend to be like this with them too. So far, it seems to have a positive outcome. It certainly has in no way affected their relationship with their dad. I would without a doubt reconsider my approach if I thought it was upsetting them in any way.