Less than 12 weeks pregnant club! Part 4!!

time2deal

Lilmiss - I think the email is perfect, and contrary to what other people have said I would NOT call. As a long term TTC'er the most difficult moment is when you hear someone say they are pregnant, and you get a burst of anxiety, sadness and some bitterness. Then you have to be all 'oh that's wonderful!!' about it.

I like the idea of an email as it gives her time to absorb it, and not have to be instantly overjoyed while dealing with another punch to the stomach at the same time.

lilmissreading

time2deal wrote: »

Lilmiss - I think the email is perfect, and contrary to what other people have said I would NOT call. As a long term TTC'er the most difficult moment is when you hear someone say they are pregnant, and you get a burst of anxiety, sadness and some bitterness. Then you have to be all 'oh that's wonderful!!' about it.

I like the idea of an email as it gives her time to absorb it, and not have to be instantly overjoyed while dealing with another punch to the stomach at the same time.

Hmmm I either posted and it lost it, I posted and can't see here, I've posted somewhere inappropriate or I just thought i posted. Ho hum. here it goes, apologies if I am repeating myself

Anyway thank you t2d, you are not the only one to say that. Others have said that I could call her at a bad time as she doesn't know what I want to say and she can have a cry/rage before putting that to one side to talk to me.

We told parents, siblings, my grandmother, my aunt, uncle and cousins, and three of my closest friends. Just started to tell work now. Monty-doggy: did you tell work today? How did it go?

I feel like i am cheating on you girls I have posted on the 12-24 thread too!

Fallen Archer - good luck tomorrow. Is your missus able to make it?

lilmissreading

New ladies.

On this thread someone recommended a pg book by Emily Oster. She is an American economist appalled by the lack of clear consistent guidance around pg. We have liked it.

Peonie

As another long-term TTC-er I 100% echo T2D's message, particularly that email is the right way to tell Lilmiss's friend, and she will appreciate being told early.

wendz86

Glad all went well lilmissreading and that e-mail sounds good to me and considerate of you.

teaandcakeordeath

I'm with Peonie and T2D- email! If my friend called me in my darkest moments of ttc to tell me her happy news I'd have been happy for her, but mainly wanting to curl up in a ball and wail/ rage.

Also Emily Oster book- super good. Was the only thing that kept me sane during the first trimester as so many people butt in with do's and don'ts with seemingly little evidence. This clarifies it and allows you to make an educated decision rather than being dictated to (because as a pregnant woman you can make *no* decisions... or maybe that's just my mw/ gp/ chemist...)

monty-doggy

I've had the worst day. I told my manager I needed to speak to her but she said she was too busy. I finally got her sat down at 11am and the phone rang. A girl at work was ringing to announce she's pregnant. She's only 12 hours a week sales assistant and my manager was very supportive. I then told her my news and she just looked at me blank and said I thought you said you couldn't have any children? I got upset explaining my situation and I said I still wanted to work hard and do well in my job, she said well you can have a baby and a full time job, I came back full time after six weeks so if I can do that three times, you can too.
Firstly she lives round the corner, I'm 35 miles away and I currently spend 2-3 hours a day commuting. I never get out on time it's always an hour late and I have to go in half hour early to prepare the day. How can I even contemplate that?
She also made it clear she doesn't believe me that I didn't know when I accepted the job. I accepted 9 weeks ago and started 7 weeks ago, I'm 10 weeks. I DIDNT know!

To make it worse in the afternoon she pulled me into the office and started to discuss my performance and saying it's not good enough and she's had feedback from the team over the last week that I'm negative and they don't like how I work and I'm not fitting in with the team.

This is the first I've heard of any of this and some of the examples she gave me were rediculous, for example the other day I dealt with a customer complaint on the phone. The customer was swearing and shouting and twice I asked her to stop otherwise I'd be unable to help her. She called me a effing stupid idiot and threatened to come down and sort me out and so I hung the phone up, as if that were face to face in store we would ask them to leave. She said the team have fed back that makes me unprofessional.

She had loads of other digs and has basically said I've got to improve.
Well I will do everything she's asked and more because while I'm there I want to enjoy my job and prove my worth but I'll be damned if I'm going back to those crazy hours after baby is born. At least I don't have to discuss that yet.

I've had a tension headache all day

Peonie

Monty that's awful. I'm angry for you. Are you part of a union? Write everything down in case you need to refer to it later on. Out of interest, was the job an internal move?

Big hugs.

monty-doggy

I'm not in a union and I was an external candidate.
I don't want to stay after I've had my baby because it's too far from home and she won't consider a part time request anyway. I hope if I work hard my area manager may offer me a part time closer to home but if not I'll find a new job.

I'm just going to get on with it and rise above and give her no reason to single me out.

I've just woken up still with a splitting head, lots of water and my 4head stick

FallenArcher

Oh Monty that's rubbish, I echo what's been said, keep a record of everything that's been said. Despite it being unlawful sadly discrimination against pregnant women (and women of child-bearing age) does still happen. Just keep up performing well- in fact in your log keep hold of anything that alludes to good performance too- client/colleague feedback etc.

Totally echo the Emily Oster book- evidence based so you make you own decisions about risk rather than blindly following "you can't..." advice.

Lilmissreading- email sounds good to me. I absolutely agree that for friends who are ttc it gives them time to absorb, and in their own time. My situation is a bit different in that a lot of my friends are lesbian couples, and although not actually ttc many are seriously planning for families. I remember being completely gutted when a friend told me she was pregnant with twins last year- none of the rest of us knew she was trying and her and her gf had only been together a year. I didn't do a good job of hiding my shock & envy, even though we hadn't even started iui yet. In my defence we had been planning for ages but then my wife was seriously ill which put us back about 18 months- I guess my point is to be sensitive even if friends not actively ttc. I know some of my close friends have reacted similarly to our news!!

Scan day today, yep lilmiss, my missus is able to come with me- it wouldn't feel right if she didn't!! As we're having antenatal care through home birth team she can be present for most MW appointments too as they're able to do them out if office hours ��

Woah, long post- sorry!