Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Errata

Mooloo wrote: »

I have put a stop pestering me message back in his court.

:T:T:T

First he tries to bribe you with a second hand patio set, now he's upped his bribery with offering to lend you his car!

Brighton_belle

Errata wrote: »

:T:T:T

First he tries to bribe you with a second hand patio set, now he's upped his bribery with offering to lend you his car!

It's not bribery, it's mooloo's and BF's agreed dynamic over the years. He screws up, he doesn't know how to make it better other than being helpful on a practical front. She accepts and all is fine for a while then slides slowly downhill. he is not a bad man, just doing what previously Mooloo always found acceptable.


Now mooloo is breaking the pattern. You're doing well mooloo. It is hard but keep doing what you always did and you'll get what you always got. You want a different future so you're doing things differently.

Savvy_sewing

Errata wrote: »

:T:T:T

First he tries to bribe you with a second hand patio set, now he's upped his bribery with offering to lend you his car!

It's not a bribe, he was trying to reduce the wear and tear on my car as his is a company car. I have used previous ones before. It was a guenuine offer, he's not all bad or I would not have hung around so long. But at this moment in time, wether he realised it or not, it was another way to see me, and I'm not playing that game.
I doubt he has ever realised he plays mind games, as he knows nothing else.
And now no more him! I am concentrating on the other things in my life. Like the twins, DGD and my sewing.

tired_mum

watching this thread is becoming quite concerning as the things some people are accusing ex BF of they are actually doing themselves without a good word to say about any members of Mooloos family and making their feelings and advice about virtually cutting herself off from her family and dependent on them to talk to
Mooloo is a grown adult and i am sure that exBF has some good points and whether Mooloo wants him in her life or not is her choice whether we agree or not putting people down is not condusive to anyones life. Sometimes in life you just need to keep quiet and let people see the light themselves but be there for them and just be a friend with a glass of wine and cake not the big mouth shouting i told you so

*Robin*

tired_mum wrote: »

watching this thread is becoming quite concerning as the things some people are accusing ex BF of they are actually doing themselves without a good word to say about any members of Mooloos family and making their feelings and advice about virtually cutting herself off from her family and dependent on them to talk to
Mooloo is a grown adult and i am sure that exBF has some good points and whether Mooloo wants him in her life or not is her choice whether we agree or not putting people down is not condusive to anyones life.

..And breathe - goodness, what a very long sentence, Tired Mum!


Must say, am a little uneasy about the idea of going from a very long-term relationship, to no relationship at all, abruptly - when the break-up has not been explosive and both parties are mature adults.

Mooloo has known Ex-BF since they were both children, they're used to being in each others' lives.
The problem now is that Ex-BF has to learn the boundaries which Mooloo needs if their friendship is to continue.
He can text, but if Mooloo is busy, like all her other friends he'll have to wait.

Maybe in six months' time she'll be able to take up his offer of car loan [or whatever] but imho Mooloo was right to refuse - because Ex-BF would misunderstand, were she to accept a new 'obligation' to him at this point.

..Reckon you're doing the right thing, Mooloo.

Savvy_sewing

It does hurt to have ExBF demonised as he is not a demon. He is just doing things differently, to how some people do. He would be devestated to read some of the things, and I feel awful, I want to defend him. Life is not always just Black and White. One day we were sat talking about our holiday and the next I'd said stop. Of course he is confused, and doesn't want me to end it, and I wish that I didn't have too. But at this time, I want to concerntrate now on Mooloos and DGD. If we are meant to be together then we would find the common ground too, but perhaps we should have stayed friends in the first place, instead of becoming lovers? I don't know.
I Just know there are things I want to do in my life that he doesn't agree with so I have to go it alone.
I'd rather, for this weekend just draw a line under it now, and get on. I've packed our bags, and the car with my things, my dress rail has arrived, and I won the bid on the tailors dummy, so I will have that soon.
I've done a timetable for next week, too slot all my things into, and too be ready to ramp up my work and be more consistent.

patanne

I hope the weekend goes well and that you can free your mind of one of its worries.

Almost-free

What would he have resorted to, communication-wise, before texting became available? I sometimes find it hard to remember what life was like before we all walked around with mobile phones!

He screws up, he doesn't know how to make it better other than being helpful on a practical front. She accepts and all is fine for a while then slides slowly downhill

This was part of the dynamic with my ex, as well. It was so tempting at times to accept the help- unfortunately during the next argument between us, I would have the help shoved down my throat followed by being called an ungrateful b*tch. I decided in the end that the 'free' help was far too costly!

Hope you have a great weekend, Mooloo.

Savvy_sewing

Finally have wifi in the dining room.
What a long journey tailbacks around Bristol, took an hour to do 24 miles of my 265 mile journey. It took me from 4pm to 9.30pm to get here.
Glad is packed myself a picnic and a bottle of wine as I was too tired to go out at that time..
Breakfast is here, I'm off

minimoneysaver

Enjoy Mooloo! I hope you and DGD have a lovely weekend and make the most of the great outdoors.