Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Mine are a mixture too, with a mixed combination, but for some reason Mocrosoft Outlook has taken over control of everything and it's driven me mad. Even changing it it still isn't accepting the new one!

Savvy_sewing

Just lost a post into the eather!
Waiting for biggest of Mooloo to come and collect DGD2, after a day babysitting. I'm getting tired as I've not been sitting down much today.
I hope I've surprised biggest, as when she went to work, I did a bit of a tidy up and cleaning of the kitchen and bathrooms. Make it a bit easier for her when they move next week.
Then here I have been doing some experimental cookery.
Some not so good as others!
I tried to make an apple and onion tart, but the egg mixture leaked out of the pastry - bit of a disaster darling!, I've also a baked blind pastry case, not to waste the rest of the pastry mix. ( approved food of course).
I also had one chicken breast, so I've turned it into breaded strips, cooked and can be served cold with salad for lunch tomorrow.
Also a chocolate delight for the girls, and pizza of course, as the finger food, is easiest at 3 years old.
I've also got some savoury rice in the thermal bag, again can use for lunch tomorrow.
The sitting room is currently a camp site, with dens and cushions etc all over the place.
My parents have skyped to say hello so seeing the girls has been a bonus for them.
Of course it means no sewing done today, and probably be too tired too sew after the peace has descended once more.
My tax credits appear to have been adjusted, there was £12 more for some reason today, so that's gone into the holiday fund.
3 weeks to go!!!
That's coming round fast, my birthdays before then aswell.
time for a well deserved cup of tea.

Savvy_sewing

Having a bad day today. Maybe I got out of bed on the wrong side.
I went into work, but left early as I was just not in a very good place mentally, and sewing was not happening very creatively.
Have a stress headache.
Twin2, back from having gone missing on Monday, got her JSA today, but didn't have enough to pay it to her landlady and get food etc. She ( landlady) wanted me to make up the £60 short fall. Errr NO! I haven't got it, the weekend cost me a lot of money.
My car tax and insurance are also due in a month, so I need every penny I can get myself. Reminded her to go to housing for rent benefits and chase them up.
ExBF is texting AND talking on the phone, I feel that old pull, so trying very hard to remember why last month I said it was over. I don't want to be here we go again, but I know it will pass eventually.
Cup of tea, paracetamol and a short rest before I get DGD.

Savvy_sewing

Still struggling. Ex is being mr nice guy, talking, joking, and also serious talking. Seems really positive about things, and I feel ready to give in, but, then the BUT, reminds me of the problems, the number or times I've given in, and something tells me hang on in there, as it's not all changed.
Sorry Errata, I'm still not seeing a man monster.( and I am definitely the one in control ( just ) at the moment.
Anyway, think I'm solely going insane today.
I have to somehow get him/is out of my mind and build on my work, easier said then done!

Errata

Mooloo wrote: »

Still struggling. Ex is being mr nice guy, talking, joking, and also serious talking. Seems really positive about things, and I feel ready to give in, but, then the BUT, reminds me of the problems, the number or times I've given in, and something tells me hang on in there, as it's not all changed.
Sorry Errata, I'm still not seeing a man monster.( and I am definitely the one in control ( just ) at the moment.
Anyway, think I'm solely going insane today.
I have to somehow get him/is out of my mind and build on my work, easier said then done!

No apologies needed. I only go on what you write about his behaviour over the many years you've been posting about your life on MSE.

Savvy_Sue

Didn't he behave in exactly the same way last time?

That remark about the golfers would have done it for me ...

Savvy_sewing

Probably. Although he certainly is pulling out most of the stops, and has of course apologised for saying that, and has taken my criticisms head on.
(And still wants to make us work).
Muggins here is swaying somewhat. But not capitulated as yet.
How can I be so adamant that all the negatives had out weighed the positives, and now feel that most of them have been addressed, and wonder if it's worth it after all?
Argh, never mind him playing mind games, I seem to be doing them all by my self.
Had terrible nightmares last night, waking at 3, 5, and missing my usual 6am! I forgot to set the morning alarms too.

DGD is actually due to go see her Mum today. After school. We have a school picnic at 1pm, and they finish early. Yet there is still two more weeks of school. They don't finish until the 23rd.
I have still a good amount of sewing jobs and another enquiry from a fee months ago, messaged me at 3.01am!!! About a job. Good job I was awake or I would not have been thrilled at being woken. Maybe they didn't realise they were instant messages that ping in the in box.

Eager_Elephant

Mooloo wrote: »

Morning again. Nice relaxing start to the day. No alarm to wake me. No calls for granny. Just a gentle wake up around 9.15
I have looked at the text messages again. Noted the content in my journal so when my resolve tries to crumble I can remember the nasty piece of work that lurks beneath the facade.
I give up trying to be all to please everyone.
2014 is going to be a bit more of a selfish year as after DGD I will be putting myself first.
Mind you BF gave me a years subscription to national trust, so I will be making good use of that one. I see a few trips with DGD that I would otherwise not have been able to afford.
I am looking forward to getting my fabrics gathered and my creative juices working.
I plan do do some basic housework etc today so that I can clear my space ready to pull the sample books apart and clear the sticky paper back off of them.
2014 is going to be a different year that's for sure, but I plan to still make it a good one.
I am just going to test how strong I am I suppose.
But that's not a choice is it? It's just a fact that I have to deal with. Heck I have been here before. Long term lurkers will remember the many times when BF has done this, or even I did to him. But I am hoping that this time I listen to my own advice, and my family and friends that I have given it my best shot and it is time to give up trying, and move to pastures new. In this case working on my sewing.

Oh Mooloo, I am sorry that matters with ex-BF are still toing and froing.

I hope you can eventually decide what to do.

I have quoted Post 26 of this thread (1st of Jan I think)- note the 2nd paragraph and see if it reminds you of the situation now.
Also look at the last paragraph and what you had planned for 2014!!

Savvy_sewing

Mooloo wrote: »

Good grief! I think I am on a different planet. Few minutes ago I had a text in from him asking if that was it then? Erm????? Yep!
I sent the words about Thankyou for my freedom etc.
He still thinks I would go back? Is he completely void of feelings? Anyway It's a resounding No from me. Enough was enough. And am back to looking at my plans for savings, holidays with DGD and all the new options that are open to me.
No more mind games.
Onwards and upwards is definitely the way I am going to go.

Oh dear, he does manage to wangle around me. This was the 2nd January, and by the end of the month I had forgiven him, and we slipped back into several of the old ways.
I am obviously a soft touch, and easily forgive people, as I let them drift by.
I am amazed at myself at times! I really can be a hopeless case.
I have started to reach those dreams for 2014, despite the hiccups.
I got to go to France around Easter.
I have ramped up my sewing profile, and have regular work, not just the recycling centre.
I am taking a holiday with just DGD and me.
I have two holidays booked, one is another sun break just before we return to school.
I don't go to Oxford very much, ( before this months problems), he did come here.
My garden is slowly starting to form, with a veg patch.
I'm going on adventures, and using my National Trust membership.
Twin1 seems to be stepping up to the plate and having DGD more, and Twin2 has gone for a drastic move, but which has reduced the family from hells influence to zero lately.
DS and his GF, are in a flat, and he has managed to keep his job for at least 3 months.
DGD has had a scho friend to sleep over, and we are planning a few more during the summer holidays.
I am teetering on the edge of upping my business options', and now have a dedicated work space, and plans are underway to find a workshop environment to expand the teaching to groups.
I have a range of my upcycled clothes in a proper shop now.
I have come a good chunk of the way forward, and I intend that I will continue to do so.
My willpower over BF is struggling a little at the moment, but we are talking and that has to be a good thing, even though neither of us can work out what we want, but we are visiting the problems, one by one.
I can't say we are going to solve anything, or that I would give in, ( although I confess I'm not so adamnant that it wouldn't- which is not necessarily a good thing.
I need to remember the nasty streak is never going to go away, and I would have to be able to rise above it. So that's the stumbling block.
I already know I am not moving, as I have my work here, I already know that I won't easily uproot, as I have security in the house, unless I failed to pay my rent for any reason.
the positives are there and I did them myself. With a little help from my friends, and regular kicks up the bahookie!
I am tired after last night, but the nightmares were my biggest downfall.
Tonight I am planning to relax, have a soak in the bath, pamper myself, and have yet another morning without an alarm.
Today I did several more alterations, and only stopped as we had the school picnic to attend, and then I took DGD to her Mum and she's planning on keeping her two nights, so plenty of time to sew, garden, and walk around Stowe or one of the other NT sites.

Savvy_Sue

If it is impossible for you to block contact with him, you might want to consider setting out, in writing, what YOUR plans and intentions are. In other words, you are staying put and not planning to move nearer him, he'll need to come to you at weekends because your work is at home and you need to concentrate on that, your holiday plans will include x, y and z, you will book holidays when it suits you not him, and your family will come first for you (just as his do for him).

You might then want to suggest that you both need to give each other space and NOT CONTACT EACH OTHER for a fixed period, ideally at least a year IMO.

At the end of that time either of you can contact the other, and if you BOTH still feel that there's something there, THEN you go back to re-establishing a relationship. But do it on your terms ... And if he cannot respect that basic request then he is not worth it.

Because I really believe that if a person cannot make a good life alone, they're not going to be able to make a good life 'together' / as part of a couple.

I suspect that you are more resilient about the being alone than he is. And as a result, he really doesn't seem to listen to you, or take seriously what you say. That's a complete deal breaker for me ...

Maybe off topic, but I have a friend whose spouse is not currently living at home, because they had unresolved health-related problems which made their presence in the home disruptive and damaging to the teenage children. Initially the deal was that they wouldn't come home before the end of the eldest's A level exams.

I am sure what the absent spouse heard was "I can just come home in July".

What the resident spouse is having to do is continually repeat "I do not want you home until your problems have been properly dealt with. I see no evidence that this has happened, because even though you have started to deal with things, there are still problems which make having you home impossible."

The absent spouse is in denial about this, of course ...