Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Biggest has rung and apologised. Told her that I am having next week off and DS is doing it. She is trying to get DGD2 into the nursery but it's a waiting list. Anyway, I have told her how I feel, and she is aware that I need to earn money, etc so she will start to put more emphasis on changing the care.
I am off to bed now.
It's been a long day.

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo wrote: »

DS rang a few minutes ago, and I asked him and his girlfriend to do DGD2 next week, and told him that I was upset at his sisters response. I also said that I was going to go away with DGD next week.

I say this with some trepidation, because you have been pushed beyond all reason, but maybe it's time to put a stop to any risk of Chinese whispers.

So, you don't tell one of your adult children that you're upset or annoyed by any of the others. You don't ask one of them to ask another to do something. You don't tell any of them how you feel about what one of the others is doing.

If one of them wants to know something relating to one of the others, you tell them to ask that one. If one of them asks you to pass on a message, you say it's best if they get in touch themselves.

If one of them passes on a message, you say they'll have to get in touch direct.

And if you don't want to babysit DGD2 on a particular day, you tell Biggest it's not convenient, and suggest that they ask DS, but don't make the arrangement yourself, or you're the bad guy if it doesn't work out.

Also I would make it clear that it is costing you money to babysit DGD2, so the arrangement needs to be formalised and limited.

But that's me ...

Savvy_sewing

It's not easy changing the habits of a life time.
I'm trying.
Didn't get much sleep last night at all.
Taken DGD to breakfast club still, as it's booked, but actually I'm not having DGD2, so I'm back home. Wondering wether it would be better to try and get back to sleep for a few hours now, or not.

silvercar

minimoneysaver wrote: »

I am shocked at Biggest. Why do you have to ask DS and his GF to watch their child? She has been uncharacterisically rude and she needs telling how upset you are. Her children are her responsibility. It's not like you have DGD as a favour for your daughter, she is there because she was placed with you officially. There is no reason that you should enter into a weekly arrangement with her to watch her children, because you have DGD. DGD is at school now, the daytime is your time for earning money, so that when school holidays come around, you can afford to pay to go abroard or have lots of day trips out and about.

The family dynamics mean there is bound to be feelings on both sides that you have DGD more than other grandchildren. Of course every family member knows the reasons why but it doesn't stop others feeling less supported or less supportive.

Savvy_sewing

I went Bach to bed again! I needed it. Woke when the phone rang at 10.30am
I've had a shower to really wake me up, and done a downstairs sweep of the housework so as not to undo our hard work of the last two weeks.
I'm taking DS and his girlfriend to look at a flat at lunchtime, so I have about an hour now, and better tackle the ironing. The washing is on, so I will be creating more!
I hate ironing!

*Robin*

Mooloo wrote: »

Well didn't get on with the sewing but I did go and shake up the "lodgers" and while I was there the housing officers turned up. They served a 7 day notice. The girl has agreed to go back to her Parents, and is going to give the keys to twin1. ( if we can believe them). I said they didn't need to be there to end up arrested and they thought about that. I was just about finished when the housing arrived.
They seemed happy enough with my help, and I will call as soon as we have the keys. Then once she has the keys that's it. twin2 will get billed for the damage and clear up, but I am not liable for that as I wasn't a garantour. Thank goodness.
Then I went on to the Range for some PVA glue, and storage baskets for my sewing room. Also found some pretty voile that I can finish the Elsa costumes.
Then I called in to see an old friend who I have been altering some clothes for. She had some shocking news about her husband, and their marriage is over after 22 years. Can't go into details, but it is not good.
Made me feel greatful for my life! Imagine that!
This evening BT have agreed to disconnect the phone tomorrow.
So fingers crossed that the bill will be reasonable and then that will be that.
No more money for twin2.
Dinner was easy, left over bolognaise for DGD and a spoon of curry paste added to make me a curry.
Cup of tea time and then try and face the ironing over a few catch up on TV programmes.

My head is in a better place this evening, thank goodness.
BGKs are on!!!

Well done, you achieved a lot yesterday, Mooloo. :T

Savvy_sewing

Done an hour of ironing. Doesn't even look like I've put a dent in it!
I must try harder to get it down and keep it up. Time for lunch, then go and collect DS and take him house/flat hunting.
Fingers crossed at lunch time Biggest is getting the keys for twin2s house. Then she's hoping to ask her Dad to help remove anything we can use etc from it. ( sorry Mum and Dad but we may have to move it to theirs and then sort it from there while they are away!)
Time for lunch.

Savvy_sewing

Time has flown, we looked at two flats. I thought that the first one was the better. : DS was preferring the 2nd. But there was no parking, and it was dead centre of town. No where for the motorbike for a start. Suggest they go and look for others first.
Hope they will be sensible.
I have a headache. Stress probably.
Have a sewing lesson this evening. Hopefully that will go well. But I shall be having an early night when she goes, and hope that I won't be so disturbed as I was last night.
Five minutes and I have to go and get DGD from craft club. She wanted her scooter, so will be walking then. Luckily it's a glorious day.
Only just managed to get the car outside of the house, so don't want to move it again or I may not be so lucky.
Put a roast chicken in the oven for tea. Will have it with salad for me, DGD will probably want pasta.

Savvy_sewing

sewing lesson was up in my new workroom. It was only an hour as the lady had to get back. It was more instruction, a little demonstration, as she hadn't remembered her thread. But still think it was productive enough. She has several items on the go, and now I hope she will be able to finish them off.
I went to bed by 10pm, although Biggest messaged me later.
She has finally got the keys for twin2's house. So we are going to see if there is anything worth salvedging, before the housing are left the keys. The sooner the better! To reduce costs to twin2.
She is in touch via messenger, but doesn't sound very happy, think the boy she went to isn't really wanting her there. Oh dear. Told her to engage with the Citezens advice, social workers, volunteer bureaus, even churches and to keep asking for help, get a doctors, as she has anti depressants, and trying to be positive, as I don't want her to cut contact as I dont know exactly where she is.
Time to get a move on. Have school run, post office sorting office to collect some parcel, work, then after work meet twin1 at the shop and take her and her shopping back to hers.
Had to tell her the flat was too messy and smelly for her to have DGD and that she will need to clear it all up first. Will be investigating before take DGD anywhere near. Half term she could have gone for a night if it was clean and tidy!!

Savvy_sewing

so already Twin2 has sent a FB message to say "Mum I've ****ed up, he was playing me".
Well we all knew that one.
The problem is she has no home to return too.
So what now?
I am at a total loss.
I can't run down there and make it better.
I can't wave a magic wand and sort this one.
I've told her to go and find Social Services, but what can they do?