Trying to get on track

in_need_of_direction

So another weekend is upon us. So much to do inc a trip to ikea to pick up a bathroom mirror. Need to get the list writing underway as the entire house bar the kitchen seems a tad shambolic. Just feeling incredibly lethargic or possibly just plain lazy. Think it's the energy I'm spending fighting with myself about items currently on achica!

skintygerlinky

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Sad times. Woke to the news that Tony Benn had died. A true gentleman, wonderful mind and general very nice person. It must be such a loss for his family

Hear hear Saw him debating in Glastonbury once! He was easily the best speaker onstage and was well into his 80s then xxxxx

skintygerlinky

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

So another weekend is upon us. So much to do inc a trip to ikea to pick up a bathroom mirror. Need to get the list writing underway as the entire house bar the kitchen seems a tad shambolic. Just feeling incredibly lethargic or possibly just plain lazy. Think it's the energy I'm spending fighting with myself about items currently on achica!

Deffo do your list, IND but then choose a couple of small jobs to get you going. Factor in breaks for coffee and cake xxxx

in_need_of_direction

The theory was great skinty however the day got totally derailed. I have a great OH however that was not always the case. I first had 17 years of marriage to the father of my 2 children, he who is referred to as the as!hole ex husband. When I finally got the support and courage to climb out of that particular mess, I was a mess. Heavy financial burdens, zero confidence, even less self esteem due to his erosion of my self worth and dependant upon anti depressants.

He has continued to be difficult since the split while making absurd demands on the DS and dd which I find hard to deal with. It's like they bend over backwards for poor daddy but expect me to be fount of all types of support for them. It leaves me feeling second best but my current OH reckons it's more a case that they know who they can depend on. He moved a partner in about 3 years ago with a young child and things have become increasingly fraught between him and his offspring. I've always held the view that I won't poison their relationship with him so haven't disclosed the extent of his poor behaviour throughout his marriage nor his concealment of income to reduce any support for them and to maximise the settlement in his favour. However, the 1 offspring living here hasn't spoken to him for 4 months as they had a row resulting in him locking her out of his house. He has also made no provision for his children though knows that should anything happen to him, there will be other claims on his house that I helped to fund. :eek:

A few weeks ago, he contacted me with a !!!! and bull story about a trade card that I held but that had been originally relating to his undeclared at separation business. I yesterday discovered that it hadn't been closed as he'd told me but that he'd excluded my access. Then today mail arrived relating to a joint insurance policy we'd held. Apparently, it was mis sold and we are entitled to compensation. Only prob is that he got the policy in the separation agreement. While you never miss what you never had, he never mentioned he was pursuing this. The thought of having to deal with this opens up so many old wounds. Had a major ibs flair up today and I know I can't not deal with it. To top it all off, Monday is a bank holiday here so I can't get in touch with a solicitor until Tuesday. Spent the day pretty much under the covers kinda paralysed with panic. I did suggest to OH that I'd call and get the d!ckhead view but he's convinced me a solicitor is the way to go first. For my own peace of mind, I know I can't not claim half but I'm afraid I'm not up to the likely fight. I'm also wondering what the bigger game plan is. How come after 9 years, two things cropped up. What's next?
If things escalate, my only way is to admit how bad the marriage was and how much of a victim I let myself become and I'm not sure I can lay all that bare.

in_need_of_direction

Just weighed myself to update my goals page. One pound on. Not only is that bad but it's too quick to be able to blame on stress eating due to the as!hole ex

in_need_of_direction

And the plan for today is to revisit everywhere I was yesterday as the pills I picked up are now missing. Just waiting for shops to open at one to retrace my steps as I put them in my bag in the chemist and can only assume sat them down somewhere at a check out. Am a bit panicked cos these are daily pills and my gp is closed tomorrow for bank holiday so replacing these will take a while.

RainbowBridgeReturns

What a ghastly few days INOD! It sounds like you have been trying to keep a lot of !!!! buried, but I have a theory that you reach a certain point in life when it all rises to the surface and needs dealing with, like it or not!

I think your OH is right about your children and I am sure he would back you up if you come up with a strategy for dealing with the b*stard together.

Writing it out here is acknowledging that these things are troubling you deeply, and are likely the blockages that are stopping you from getting to where you want to be, that is tremendous progress in itself.

in_need_of_direction

Thanks RBR. In a way I'm extremely fortunate that OH knows my upset is down to irritation as opposed to my still having feelings for the ex as someone else very kindly suggested!

in_need_of_direction

Still no sign of pills but I'm grateful for very helpful shop staff who went out of their way to help.

in_need_of_direction

OK so now the deep breath has been taken, normality will hopefully kick in. Today I binned old shoes and an old shopper and consigned the very space consuming 3 legged (should be 4) with wonky lid sewing box to the woodpile while bringing a nice storage box into use. I called the out of hours service re missing pills primarily to see if i need to advise the police or anyone else and they provided me with a prescription to cover for 2 weeks when i wasn't even calling for that. beyond that, there's been little done but i topped up the cash pot with £5 left over from last month's spends. things I am grateful for today

perspective (though i wish it wasn't as delayed!)
getting a birthday present for my sis when i returned to Ikea. I couldn't get it yesterday as she was with me
OH ironing my work clothes for the coming week
my knee improving
the people who do that bit extra without even being asked
and, although little was done, the things that did get done are non recurrent so are gone for good YAY!