Neice complaining about the size of a present

isitchristmasyet123

My brother and his wife think I have pots of money, (We have not) because our two kids go to a private school, we have a bigger house, better car etc. I know that his wife's family gossip about this because someone told me.
Because he has to buy for two at christmas, it is only fair that his daughter gets twice what he spends.
However, because I know that they gossip about us I spend far far more. It is not unusual for me to spend in excess of £150 at christmas, even though they spend about £25 each on ours.
I do this because I am not having them say we are mean. I usually give a present plus a large amount of cash because that is what they ask for. In fact sometimes I have even spent more on her than my own two because my own two do not care a jot about money/presents etc.
Anyway, earlier this year I bought a birthday present for a neighbour's son who is about the same age as my neice and who is having a hard time about it and who now lives with brother and his wife temporarily. They are getting paid from for this. They would never do anything for nothing. The money comes from a trust fund.
Neice complained that I had spent the same on them both.
I was not happy. My two children (late teens) are furious about this as they know that I spend a lot on her present. She is not a likeable child (perhaps because she is an only child and very selfish and aggresive) Mine try very hard with her to no avail.
So this year I have spent next to nothing neice. Bought everything from charity shops. All boxed and looking like new of course. Nevertheless, it is clear that I have spent nowhere near the same as I usually do. However I have still probably spent more on the two than they have spent.
I know after christmas this will be complained about.
What do I say? I think they will say something on the lines of just give her money next time.
I realise that I should not have been so generous and maybe I should not have needed to. I would add that it is not about "showing off" as they know that I was never one to spent tons on toys for mine.
Perhaps I have been spiteful about this year's present and I am beginning to worry now.
Any advice appreciated.

paulineb_2

If they are so ungrateful, give them nothing, you dont have to

Theres nothing wrong from buying from charity shops either, loads of things get handed in hardly used.

mummyroysof3

Send them nothing IMO. How old is the niece?

thorsoak

I know it's Christmas time, the time for peace on earth to all men season, etc etc etc, and this is MSE forum where we are ALL nice to new posters ....but does this have to include trolls???

silvercar

Where is the rule that if you have more money you have to spend excessively? Get whatever you think is appropriate for the niece.

I think you now need to break from the cycle. Announce you are giving to the homeless this year instead of presents.

Indie_Kid

How rude.

She should be grateful that she gets something.

Laurajo_2

How much money they earn or don't earn is a moot point.

Any gift should be gratefully received regardless of cost, or the situation of the person giving the gift.

I think you've done the right thing, spend a token amount and have done with it. Don't worry about them saying you're mean....it sounds like they will gossip and pick fault regardless, so you might as well give them something to moan about.

Pollycat

I think your niece (and her parents) need to check the definition of 'gift'.

You do not have to buy anything at all.
You do not have to spend a certain amount, based on some complication algorithm of what other people spend on your children and the number of children who are being bought gifts in the family.

TBH, the moment the niece complained about the amount of money I'd spent on her versus someone else earlier in the year, she would have been off my Christmas list with a stern talking-to about expectations.

Nada666

Give 'em tangerines and coal next year.

Pollycat

Nada666 wrote: »

Give 'em tangerines and coal next year.

That's too mean.

You need to add a couple of monkey nuts. :rotfl:

isitchristmasyet123

I was a bit worried that if I posted the circumstances on here that I would considered spiteful towards a 14 year old girl. I actually feel spiteful.
She told my son once that she should get more than them because you have more money than us. It was a long time ago and I think she had overheard the conversation and was obviously too young to realise what she was saying.
I could not get her nothing. That would make me wrong.
What do I say if they ask for money in the future instead of gifts?