OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

lostinrates

dktreesea wrote: »

Well it may not go quite like that. It could instead go:

Partner 1: I've invited a few of my family around for Boxing Day.

Partner 2: Oh really?! That doesn't appeal to me. That's okay. I'll make other arrangements.

That would be more the exchange in our house. It certainly wouldn't start with "Is it okay if I invite....." or words to that effect.

The house is as much the OP's as it is his wifes. Presumably they are both entitled to enjoy the house with their mates or relatives, even if the other half doesn't want to participate?

But really, if it is too much hassle, I would still see my family, but just at a local restaurant instead. I'd take them out for a meal rather than inflict them on a spouse he wasn't interested and had been working all year when I hadn't so just wanted some chill out time.

But partner two might justly want to stay at home and relax. Not go out. Its as much his wife's as op's too. And op could see family out side it.

paulineb_2

As I recall the thread that the op started detailing what life was like on an ongoing basis with his wife had a number of people advising him to consider leaving.

scooby088

Why do all these threads end up with the advice end the relationship? Glad that I never post here about mine.

paulineb_2

What I meant was as I said before and Im sure other people have, I think there are far more issues going on than whether he should have family over on Boxing Day without asking first.

As to advice to leave, sometimes its probably the right thing to do, other times maybe not so, but the final call is obviously with the person posting.

Pollycat

scooby088 wrote: »

Why do all these threads end up with the advice end the relationship?

It was actually the OP who brought up 'ending it all' on the first page of the thread - below:

andygb wrote: »

I feel like just giving up and ending it all to be honest, because this has been happening regularly over the past ten years, and I cannot put up with any more .

I've re-read the thread and I can only see 2 replies that mention ending the relationship.

There has been acknowledgement that, from his other posts, the OP has some issues within his relationship but nothing much advising him to end it on this thread.

paulineb wrote: »

As I recall the thread that the op started detailing what life was like on an ongoing basis with his wife had a number of people advising him to consider leaving.

marisco_2

andygb wrote: »

for the past two years, I have felt like a prisoner in my own house.

I would say enough is enough then. This is your family home where you are entitled to feel most happy, at ease and able to invite friends and relatives over to. Yourself and your wife should have a relationship whereby you are equal, willing to listen to each other and come to compromise when necessary. Not be in the unenviable situation you are in with her calling all the shots, and you curtailing to them and making yourself totally miserable in the process.

If she chooses to not mix with others that is her prerogative, but it is unfair of her to expect you to live like a flaming hermit too. She sounds seriously depressed and withdrawn to me. Would it be possible to raise this with her, in the hopes that she might just take on your concerns and think about addressing things. Or is that suggestion likely to cause yet more discord and trouble?

Dunroamin

marisco wrote: »

I would say enough is enough then. This is your family home where you are entitled to feel most happy, at ease and able to invite friends and relatives over to. Yourself and your wife should have a relationship whereby you are equal, willing to listen to each other and come to compromise when necessary. Not be in the unenviable situation you are in with her calling all the shots, and you curtailing to them and making yourself totally miserable in the process.

If she chooses to not mix with others that is her prerogative, but it is unfair of her to expect you to live like a flaming hermit too. She sounds seriously depressed and withdrawn to me. Would it be possible to raise this with her, in the hopes that she might just take on your concerns and think about addressing things. Or is that suggestion likely to cause yet more discord and trouble?

What this thread illustrates perfectly is that for some people their home is their castle, somewhere they can retreat from the world. For others, it's the centre of their social life where friends and family are in and out all the time. The tragedy for the OP and his wife is that they are in different sides of the divide of this issue and haven't worked out compromises and strategies for dealing with this situation in 23 years of marriage.

On a personal level I'm very happy to be in the first group and to be married to someone whose idea of bliss is also to pull up the drawbridge and spend time together without all and sundry wandering in when we'd rather be together. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who preferred anybody else's company to mine.

paulineb_2

The thread the OP posted. Might give some insight as to how things have been
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4622227

sleepymans

andygb wrote: »

Just as per the title.
I phoned a cousin, and said I would clear it with the OH, and then invite them over for Boxing Day. The OH went absolutely mental (even though I had not finalised things), and said that she just wants to have a quiet time.
I want to see friends and relations at Christmas, because I don't work (well, have just got a job - one week), and this is my only chance of socialising, because for the past two years, I have felt like a prisoner in my own house.
The OH does not have any real friends (she doesn't like to socialise with people from work - and is not on speaking terms with her relations), so is she just jealous, because I am at my wits end, and I do not wish to be miserable for the next couple of weeks.

If one works hard all year round and arent spring chickens, then Cristmas break is often really neede to recharge batteries and get one's head around the stresses of life.
Have you offered to help with the host(ess) preparations and hard work?
Are your proposed guests good company?
If not then do as OH suggests and keep the hols a private and relaxing time

paulineb_2

sleepymans wrote: »

If one works hard all year round and arent spring chickens, then Cristmas break is often really neede to recharge batteries and get one's head around the stresses of life.
Have you offered to help with the host(ess) preparations and hard work?
Are your proposed guests good company?
If not then do as OH suggests and keep the hols a private and relaxing time

The marriage sounds miserable, theres much more to this than this issue, thats the problem

In a few months time, there will be something else.