OH doesn't want to socialise at Christmas (or anytime)

flashnazia

flashnazia wrote: »

Has she always been like this? Could she be suffering from depressive type illness?

andygb wrote: »

I think that this is a distinct possibility, and it makes me very sad, because she does not seem to take pleasure from anything (and has said to me many times that she has never been happy in her life).
I have only been in my latest job for a week, and this episode has left me drained - of joy, of hope.

Do you think she might agree to fill in one of these and take it to her gp?

https://www.sfaetc.ucsf.edu/docs/PHQ20-20Questions.pdf

It sounds like she is depressed IMHO.

Dunroamin

paulineb wrote: »

The thread the OP posted. Might give some insight as to how things have been
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4622227

Although I haven't time to link to them, I do think that has to be read together with the OP's posts complaining about his father and sibling.

venetianlagoon

Dunroamin wrote: »

Although I haven't time to link to them, I do think that has to be read together with the OP's posts complaining about his father and sibling.

Some of the threads I looked at earlier stated that his sister didn't like his wife and implied there was no reason for that, from this thread it seems he has his issues with his wife too.

paulineb_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

Although I haven't time to link to them, I do think that has to be read together with the OP's posts complaining about his father and sibling.

I did read those

I think it could be argued that they were being unreasonable in their demands

mumps

liney wrote: »

How rude. One could equally say you must be expectionally highly strung!

Thank you, I did think it was rude.

FBaby

Lets be fair, 'checking' with OH in this instance actually means 'obtaining permission.' She has notice, and she isn't actually being asked to do any of the hosting.

I wonder how much 'but I'll do the cooking' actually means not having to host.I remember my ex doing exactly the same thing once with a friend of his he hadn't seen for some time. He ran into him one evening and invited him, wife and two toddlers over for a meal one week-end. He promised he would handle everything and I wouldn't have to do much at all, and in any case, he was sure I would get along with the wife.

Then on the day, seconds after quick introductions, he invited his buddy to the kitchen because he was cooking on that day (making it sound like he was a saint), getting the beers out of the fridge and leaving me with this woman I didn't know and two bostrous toddlers who were touching everything and their mum not one bit bothered. We had the meal, with plenty of congratulations on how delicious it was and how lucky I was to have a partner who could cook, and after a coffee, they decided that they were off to the pub to watch the football game, leaving me alone again with this woman I had nothing in common with. They didn't get back until after 9pm drunk, and my partner couldn't understand when we made it to bed why I was so angry, asking me whether I had not got along with the wife...

Both my husband and I are free to invite a friend over, but the other is not expected to be part of the get together. We would never invite a family, especially with children without first asking each other.

persa

If my OH or I want to see people the other person doesn't really like, we go out. The only people with an open invitation to our home are mutual friends - the ones we'd both happily spend time with, without the other person there, i.e. ones we count as friends, individually and together.

My OH finds some of my friends bloody irritating. I feel the same about some of his. So we see those people separately - certainly wouldn't have them round unless a dire emergency.

No one should be made to tolerate people they don't like in their own home, that's a sanctuary.

paulineb_2

I really do think people need to read the OP's thread that I quoted

Yes, shes the one that works, but according to him she does nothing around the house

She criticises everything he does, she doesnt go out or like socialising and he feels like a prisoner in his own home

Not really much of a life from where Im sitting.

paulineb_2

persa wrote: »

If my OH or I want to see people the other person doesn't really like, we go out. The only people with an open invitation to our home are mutual friends - the ones we'd both happily spend time with, without the other person there, i.e. ones we count as friends, individually and together.

My OH finds some of my friends bloody irritating. I feel the same about some of his. So we see those people separately - certainly wouldn't have them round unless a dire emergency.

No one should be made to tolerate people they don't like in their own home, that's a sanctuary.

Home doesnt seem to be a sanctuary for the OP though does it?

paulineb_2

First of all, I want to point out, that I am unemployed but do not get any benefits at all. My wife works and I really appreciate that fact, however I do ALL the work in and around the house, yet my wife has been telling her friends that the reason she doesn't invite them around is because I do nothing and the house is in a state:mad:
For starters, our house is in pretty good order and always looks tidy - not surgically clean. Our bathroom/loo is probably as clean, bright and nice smelling as anyone's. The kitchen is modern, clean, airy and light with a great view, and our living room is not cluttered, light and welcoming.
The garden is a problem, but this weekend just highlighted my frustration. We have had three days of great weather, and every single day my OH wanted to "go out", so we had three days of going around the shops plus two nice long walks in the countryside.
This of course meant that the garden was not touched, and this is why my OH had a rant about how I was supposed to get the garden done during the week, how she worked and that evenings and weekends were her "rest time". So today, I was going to do some work in the garden but it is lashing down with rain and there are puddles everywhere. The same applied to last week, most days we had heavy rain.
The problem is, that I am expected to work (although this is not counted as work) every single day of the week.
The following are things which my OH NEVER does, and to my knowledge never has done even when I was working:
Washing the cars, making breakfast (I have always done the majority of the cooking), gardening, DIY (painting and decorating, car repairs, household repairs), vacuuming the house, cleaning the oven (she would not know where to start) and hob. If she cleans the bathroom, then very often I have to do it again, because the taps have not been done.
The reason for highlighting the last point about the taps not being cleaned, is because my OH tries to force others to work to incredibly high standards - if we have tradesmen in (electrics, plumbing etc), she is never happy and everyone who does work for us goes away in a bad mood - and then I get the blame because I was the one who got them in:(
So, it isn't just me the OH is critical of, it is everyone (including moaning about her workmates when she comes home).
I know that she is under pressure, being the one who is working, but she has simply "opted out" of doing anything around the house, and will not even acknowledge what I do