Just want a 2nd opinion on something..money related.

Kayalana99

Dun - No one is perfect, god forbid he had got with someone who was also crap with money!

Fbaby - His reason is that simple...he didn't think about it before but now he has I get some and the kids get some so everyone is happy. (How he puts it lol)

Pauline - I just have never been an insurance person, I'm not the kind of person to get it on a phone etc. I'm still young, I can see now why life insurance is important esp if you have kids. DIS was not important either untill he had it I guess? As I said above I would of managed if it hadn't existed but it does, and its not something he is opting into and I've already explained reasons for this I guess. If he had discussed it and said 50/25/25 I would of been quite happy with that, its just hit me hard that he put kids down orignally without a thought. I *still* think it would of been better to put 100% but as HBS says, its his decision and *if* the worse was to happen it would be nice for the kids to have that lump sum when they are older.

Now after posting this thread, I think the better option would of been to leave it at 100% and taken out life insurance - but I wouldn't of thought of that at the time.

Georgie - He does have a willy nilly spending problem but I have never mentioned aldi/lidi in my posts (we dont shop their because we have a sandanter 123 CC that we cant use in them shops)

I do feel we are close but no one is the norm...maybe most people discuss what happens if one dies but we are both early 20's and I don't like to think about it really...and he won't think about it unless someone asks him directly as he's a 'day to day' person.

It's not about trust, and as others have said at least he is working and does love his kids.

The wedding...I guess maybe I am being stubborn I might change my mind again in the future but right now I just don't feel like saving every spare penny I have to pay for it, Id be lucky if he paid for his own stag do lol. End day their are more important things we need like a new car as ours is falling to bits.

Kayalana99

paulineb wrote: »

From previous posts I think you and your bf got together and got serious v quickly. 2 kids later, this is the time he needs to sort his attitude to money out. Not this issue, but all of it. Because if you did split, he's going to have to learn to deal with money like an adult. And when he does that, a lot of the issues will be resolved.

Yup true, he can't keep relying on me altho he's so much better when we first got together (I was subsiting my savings to pay bills at end of every month to start with because he overspent...lets not go into Wonga before he was with me..)

Come end of Jan he should get his first proper pay check as he's on emergency tax atm and he'll have alot more free cash, I suppose I shall just nag him into getting a savings account and annoy him like hell to use it?

slightlyconfused1

On a practical note. My ex husband died in service and left the money to our son (which was right). The cheque was actually made out to me as ds was under 16. I have had control of the money for the past 5 years. It has sat in a special account and ds asks for the money as and when he needs it. I do council him when he wants some money, but as he is at Uni, he uses it for one off expenses.

If I had needed any of that money for my son (including providing a roof over his head) I would have been able to use it. Luckily I have never been in that position.

paulineb_2

Well. If he wants to get married. You share the costs. And I've no idea whether you want a big wedding or not. But it's not that expensive to get married. It's the extras.

I don't have kids but I've had a pension since I was in my 20s.
I actually wish I'd taken out a few savings plans sooner. It's not that tough to set up an insurance plan. You could probably do it online without having to call anyone.

slightlyconfused1

If you would really call off your wedding over this I really would take a long hard look at your relationship.

I really don't see that he has behaved badly. He put his children first. When you objected he changed it to make you happier. To be honest he sounds like he has his priorities right.

Person_one

Money_maker wrote: »

Does this really mean that mortgages are sold these days without compulsory life insurance? Staggering.

Why? Not everybody needs or wants it.

Kayalana99

slightlyconfused1 wrote: »

If you would really call off your wedding over this I really would take a long hard look at your relationship.

I really don't see that he has behaved badly. He put his children first. When you objected he changed it to make you happier. To be honest he sounds like he has his priorities right.

I'm not calling it off as such as we never started we've been engaged for over a year now, but I was putting money aside for it which I've now put into another pot.

I'm not saying never, but as Pauline said we should both contribute towards it and untill he's willing to help out and actually start putting money away for the bigger things of life I just don't see why I should struggle by to do it.

Does that really make me that bad a person?

Mojisola

Kayalana99 wrote: »

My partner has started a new job, and one of the 'perks' shall we say is if he dies they pay out 30k to the people he puts down, well he put our two kids down without a thought to even talk about it with me.

I only earn 8k a year...and I am on mat leave I probally would of been moving in with one of my parents or living of benifits if god forbid something like this happened, I do have a small business I've just started but without help from OH with childcare so I could actually do things it would probably go down pan as well.

Kayalana99 wrote: »

He came home yday and he's changed it to 50/25/25. Still not happy with it all as again he didn't discuss it with me but he now sees everything as being ok as I won't be left without anything & kids get something.:o

So you have two young children, a mortgage and £8k coming in.

If he died tomorrow, you would get a £15k payout. How long would that last? Remember that money wouldn't be "yours"; it would be to keep the children housed and cared for and you'd only have what was left after you'd paid for his funeral.

From the other things you say, it doesn't sound as if he has a clue how much money it takes to keep a household functioning.

I would get down on paper all the household costs for a month, including savings for presents, holidays and emergencies and let him see how hard things would be.

What loving parent wants to leave his or her family in financial trouble if they die early? This applies to you as well as him - how would he cope if you died young?

Personally, I'd want all the money to come to me while the children were so young. If, as life progresses and you start to earn more and the mortgage gradually reduces, he then wants to change the benefits so that the children get a share, that's worth considering.

It would worry me if my partner made decisions like this without discussing them first.

By not being married, you are giving up the options of receiving Bereavement Payment, Widowed Parent's Allowance or Bereavement Allowance as well as the other legal securities and IHT spousal benefits.

Amanda65

Just to put a flip side on the life insurance - what if something happened to you OP? I am guessing that you are the main carer of the children with a part time job. How would your OH afford childcare or how would he pay the mortage if he had to give up work - and I presume you have no death in service benefit to leave him?

Insurance can be seen as unnecessary if money is tight and you do end up not needing it, but I would rather pay it and not need it than the alternative

Money_maker

Person_one wrote: »

Why? Not everybody needs or wants it.

Or perhaps are too short sighted to see that accidents and tragedy do happen regardless of age. When taking out a big financial commitment it should be compulsory for there to be some kind of provision for in the event of death. Having a mortgage and no plan B in the event of death is as I said, shocking.