Christmas Angst.

pops5588 · 19 December 2013 at 11:25AM

Mojisola wrote: »

What the excuse for the other brother/s?

In the words of my OH, "he is a sheep". Since OH isn't at home anymore he has latched onto the older brother and just copies/follows him. He used to be closer to the youngest brother who is away and I found him much easier to deal with then.

kwmlondon · 19 December 2013 at 11:29AM

I say go, go and brazen it out and smile and make it your mission to really, really be the spirit of Christmas with so many bells on and so much tinsel that you knock them into submission! Take plenty of chocolates and a big bottle of Bailley's and be so jolly and upbeat that they'll start to get scared and then you can leave early when they're all tired of the jollity of the day!

No, I don't think that's your style really. I'm only joking.

However, make sure your phone is fully charged and make a few phone calls. Pace them out over the 4 hours and say things like "I promised I'd phone auntie at this time," and "I have to call my friends to speak to their kids as they'll have just unwrapped their presents" and stuff like that. Leave the house for 20 minutes at a time, go for a walk, get out and make a few phone calls. It will break up the afternoon and the time will go by much quicker if you've got plenty of people you have in mind to speak to - explain to your friends and relatives that this is the situation and they can even make a note to CALL YOU up, making it easier to keep quitting the uncomfortable in-laws.

Hope that helps.

pops5588 · 19 December 2013 at 11:38AM

kwmlondon wrote: »

I say go, go and brazen it out and smile and make it your mission to really, really be the spirit of Christmas with so many bells on and so much tinsel that you knock them into submission! Take plenty of chocolates and a big bottle of Bailley's and be so jolly and upbeat that they'll start to get scared and then you can leave early when they're all tired of the jollity of the day!

No, I don't think that's your style really. I'm only joking.

It's a shame really because normally that is my style

but only when I'm with people that I'm comfortable with!

Mojisola · 19 December 2013 at 11:39AM

pops5588 wrote: »

I certainly don't want to make OH's family life more tricky so will just suck it up.

I hope your OH appreciates what you're doing!

If you are going to go, there's lots of good advice in previous posts about ways of making it less awful. Find a few things that you know you can manage to do - it will change how you feel about the visit if you know you're taking at least some control over how the hours are spent.

pops5588 · 26 December 2013 at 10:09PM

UPDATE:

Well, Christmas has been and gone. Despite much anxiety I made it to OH's parent's house. And it was ok.

I decided to make a bit of a leap of faith and we invited the middle brother round on Xmas Eve for a film and some mulled wine. On his own he was so much better. Made plenty of eye contact, spoke to me directly, involved me in conversation etc. It made me feel so much better about Xmas day and also helped really identify the problem; The older brother.

Luckily that realisation really helped pscyologically in terms of dealing with the whole afternoon there, and I realised that even if the older brother truly hated me, he was in the minority and there was nothing he could do.

I was a bit quieter and definitely not truly myself, but I did it and I could see afterwards how much my OH really appreciated that I did it for him. That in itself made it worth it for me

and going forwards will do my best to visit more often so Christmas doesn't feel so much of a culture shock.

Brighton_belle · 26 December 2013 at 10:38PM

Well done for persevering for the sake of your husband and found a way to make a break through. So pleased you found it a little better than it might have been.