Christmas Angst.

Morglin

I would really bite the bullet and go with the man you love to see his family, put up with being ignored, but be friendly yourself. You might not think much of his family, but I expect he does.

After all, it's only a few hours out of your life.

But, before next Christmas, make it clear that you don't want to visit either set of parents, but all welcome to you on Boxing Day or something.

It really is pointless making an issue out of one day in the year.

Christmas, really, is when most of us have to put up with family members we would sooner not have to deal with - a bit like weddings!

Lin

marisco_2

For both your sakes have an open and honest conversation with your OH, and explain how you feel about spending part of Xmas day at his family home. He seems to have this need to create a happy, festive time with his relatives that just wont come to fruition. Setting himself up to be hurt and feel let down.

To be around people whereby he withdraws into himself and you feel ignored and pretty much unwanted is pointless. You are each others family now and this could be a very good time to start making your own Xmas day traditions. Ones that make you both feel happy, relaxed and lead to lovely memories to look back on. Seeing family should not come about through feelings of guilt or obligation. Especially when they cant even extend basic courtesy to you.

pops5588

Well it was OH's father's birthday over the weekend and we all went out for a meal. Was slightly dreading it as usual but OH spoke to his family and his Dad definitely made a lot more of an effort. However the brothers completely ignored me. Absolutely nothing. Not even a brief acknowledgement of my existence.

It's going to be a looooong Christmas...

building_with_lego

Unless you "have an upset stomach" on Christmas morning and send him on his own

*Louise*

I was wondering why you don't go to his parents house first? That way you aren't spending the time with your parents clock watching and dreading leaving? It would ruin the whole morning for me, knowing I had to go somewhere I didn't want to, I would rather get it out the way and enjoy myself

Mojisola

pops5588 wrote: »

Well it was OH's father's birthday over the weekend and we all went out for a meal. Was slightly dreading it as usual but OH spoke to his family and his Dad definitely made a lot more of an effort. However the brothers completely ignored me. Absolutely nothing. Not even a brief acknowledgement of my existence.

And what did your OH say about their behaviour?

I wouldn't make my OH visit my family if they treated him like that!

paulineb_2

Dont go. Start as you mean to go on. They either treat you with civility, or you stay away. And he needs to start putting you first.

Brighton_belle

*Louise* wrote: »

I was wondering why you don't go to his parents house first? That way you aren't spending the time with your parents clock watching and dreading leaving? It would ruin the whole morning for me, knowing I had to go somewhere I didn't want to, I would rather get it out the way and enjoy myself

Because the OP wants to see her elderly grandparents who can only do the first part of the day.

pops5588

Mojisola wrote: »

And what did your OH say about their behaviour?

I wouldn't make my OH visit my family if they treated him like that!

He could see I was a bit upset about it when we got home, he spoke to his Dad about it and the general consensus seems to be that the oldest brother is just a bit socially inept (ETA: with women. No problem with men) and there is no point saying anything because he would just kick up a massive stink.

I certainly don't want to make OH's family life more tricky so will just suck it up.

ETA: Rather annoyingly I have been quite ill the last few days, just a week later would have been perfect timing! Gaaah!

Mojisola

pops5588 wrote: »

However the brothers completely ignored me. Absolutely nothing. Not even a brief acknowledgement of my existence.

pops5588 wrote: »

He could see I was a bit upset about it when we got home, he spoke to his Dad about it and the general consensus seems to be that the oldest brother is just a bit socially inept and there is no point saying anything because he would just kick up a massive stink.

What the excuse for the other brother/s?