How to get through Christmas without a row

mountainofdebt

meritaten wrote: »

I get really annoyed by people posting 'imaginary' counter posts! we are responding to people who HAVE posted and their concerns and issues. sometimes the forum is entirely supportive and sometimes we point out that they are being a bit 'unreasonable'. To expect the forum to consider 'a phantom poster' ...............well, we cant! we can only go on what the OP posts and respond to that! and to make up a counter post in the guise of the person the OP is posting about - that is arrogant beyond belief! to post as if you were another person about which you know nothing? to me it sounds like you are spoiling for a fight.

I think what was being got at is that there are at least 2 versions of the story -or 3 if you listen to robbie & gary

As for the question in hand I think I would grit my teeth for this Christmas and then decide if I was happy to spend future christmases in a similar vein....and if I wasn't then decide what I was going to do about it

meritaten

Yes - but we are being asked about THIS posters version! I cant comment on what their partner or mum or dad would think about it!
we get ONE version of events and as a forum we comment on that. to make up another version of the same event from the viewpoint of a person we don't know is ludicrous............we only know what the OP thinks!

mountainofdebt

meritaten wrote: »

Yes - but we are being asked about THIS posters version! I cant comment on what their partner or mum or dad would think about it!
we get ONE version of events and as a forum we comment on that. to make up another version of the same event from the viewpoint of a person we don't know is ludicrous............we only know what the OP thinks!

I must admit I thought you were referring to the post where someone has written the partner's viewpoint.

In any case, my advice still stands

Miz_Gayle

You said he stayed in hotels well for Christmas this year book him in one from Xmas eve to 27th
And you and your kids have a fabby Christmas together xx

Netwizard

Miz_Gayle wrote: »

You said he stayed in hotels well for Christmas this year book him in one from Xmas eve to 27th
And you and your kids have a fabby Christmas together xx

make it a !!!!!! travelodge as well :rotfl:

Toto

Another thought OP, what's he like on birthdays? My ex hated other people's birthdays, in fact I realised one day that every birthday the children had had, he spoilt in one way or another. He was fine on his own birthday though.


It just rang a warning bell for me when you mentioned how he spends money in a carefree manner but he worries about how much the kids have. Do you think it's about the money or him not wanting the kids to be spoilt, or is it about the children being the centre of attention?

Brallaqueen

OP, it comes across to me that the children are the centre of your universe right now, perhaps in response to your unhappiness elsewhere.

The bit that struck me was stretching Xmas over two days because you like to see their faces light up. Is the only joy you feel a reflection of your children's joy, therefore you want to make it last?

Your husband does not seem to share your level of interest in the children, and I may be very wrong here, but you mentioned PND. Are you perhaps trying to make up for the PND subconsciously, by giving your children special gifts?

You also seem to refer to the intimate relationship between you & husband quite dismissively, understandably so if you are feeling low, but as hazyjo stated above, you are not just a mother and he is not just a father.

Do you feel any connection to your husband aside from through the children?

marisco_2

Netwizard wrote: »

make it a !!!!!! travelodge as well :rotfl:

Oh that is cruel

Good luck finding one though. Most are folding.

Netwizard

marisco wrote: »

Oh that is cruel

Good luck finding one though. Most are folding.

Really,? I didn't know that. There is 2 within 3 miles of me!

FBaby

we can only go on what the OP posts and respond to that! and to make up a counter post in the guise of the person the OP is posting about - that is arrogant beyond belief!

I totally disagree with this. I think it is actually very dangerous for any OP not to consider that their version could be very biaised, especially when advise become 'your man is a controlling freak and you should leave him'. Many posters come here because they are vulnerable and struggle to make decisions. It could very well take 4 pages of total strangers saying the above, despite having only one side of a situation for them to take their advice at face value.

I think the best advice we can offer is to offer some suggestion as to how the other person might feel so they can get perspective on their situation and help them understand where misunderstandings lie. It is very rare that situation are black and white, however, it is expectadly common that the account from one side will be black or white.

I see it totally the opposite way. I find extremely arrogant and misguided to tell a total stranger that they should leave their long time partner just on the account of one post probably written at a time of extreme frustration and most likely totally one sided.

The friends I trust the most are those who don't systematically agree with my rants but actually offer reasons for why the person I am ranting about might be acting the way they are. Once the rant is over, I can then reflect on what they say, and realise that the way to deal with the issue is to open up communication with the offender.