My Dignity Diary

System

I'm going to ask something now. Please don't be mad. Are your children 'his' children too? The reason I ask is that I am wondering how much contact you will need to have with him because of the children?

Mashmallow

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System

To be honest I wouldn't claim a share in your partners house. As you have said, he put 100,000 into the house, pays all the bills and paid for the renovation. I know you pay for food but I cant see how you could claim a share of the house with a clear conscience as you admitted, you live there rent free. You don't love him, he's just convenient so let him have his house. Mind you, I wouldn't trust him to keep his word about not kicking you and the kids out. As you've said, you would have done anything for your ex husband so be as gracious to your ex partner and leave the house alone.


You really need to find a place of your own.

Mashmallow

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System

In that case would it be possible to find somewhere to live before you sign it over to him? Of course you would have to tell him of your intentions.

Morglin

Mashmallow wrote: »

Hello all,

I'm sitting here on the couch trying my hardest to make changes with my life. I need a little bit of help from you all if that's ok? Like my list says...I would like this thread to be my dignity diary.

My husband left myself and my 2 children 28 months ago now...I have struggled every day with it....went from one disaster to the next....just putting one feet in front of the other trying to move forwards. I've had 2 long spells off work (5 months both times), had counselling, anti depressants....yip, the lot. And here I am today, still grieving....what is wrong with me??

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I met another man, sold my family home and bought a new house with him.....disaster. I'm in the middle of moving out of here after much soul searching and trying to love him. We haven't been a couple since March, but for financial reasons we still live together. It's amicable and we get along.

I never really cut contact with my ex husband....we've seen a lot of each other since late summer and have spoken about getting our family back together....he seemed really keen and we had family days out and everything was going well. Until last week.

He's made the resolve that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore....doesn't want to speak to me, see me or have any contact whatsoever. This feels like a double blow, as I got my hopes up....stupidly I know. We had made the decision that me and the kiddies would go and live with him in his rented house, and see how we got on as a family again. I started packing up, and he changes his mind.

I had a very very bad day yesterday....all sorts of things were running through my head....I'm ashamed to say I thought of suicide....there's no escape now....I've done it all.....been signed off work....got medication....had counselling sessions....I've used up all my lives of chances.....this is it now.....nowhere else to turn. I've started my medication again as I still have lots in the cupboard, but I don't have much faith in it.

I am a mess again. I'm not looking for sympathy....sometimes I feel my karma is my very existence....living like this.....so very unhappy, letting someone else hold the key to whether your sun is shining, or you're contemplating jumping off the harbour wall. That's still an option....I am so tired of having no peace in my heart.

No mention of my children in all this? Yip, that's another reason....my poor little children are innocent victims in this....they don't deserve a mother like me....what kind of life am I giving them? God I want to see the sun again....I want to hold my head up and have dignity.....I wish I could take my brain out of my head....put it in the washing machine, and get rid of these negative thought that stop me in my tracks and bring me to my knees.

I really am one sad messed up person. My black dog of depression has me on my knees again....and every time, it's harder to get up.

This diary is my first step....I will not jump off the harbour wall today xx

I have not been in your situation, but when I was diagnosed with a degenerative illness, that couldn't improve, I got quite depressed for quite a while.

I didn't want counselling, wasn't going to take happy pills, so, I had to find a way to stop all the negative thoughts, as I was seriously suicidal.

A nurse gave me the best bit of advice I am ever likely to get - she suggested that, every day I find some joy in something (music, a poem, a flower, wildlife, a book, whatever.)

Then try to find two things a day that bring joy - it can be done, and, eventually, things look better. It is a slow process, and it falls down sometimes, but try to do that, and I found that, in time, I regained a sunny persona, simply because I felt back in control, of my own emotions.

Good luck.

Lin:)

repeatoffender

Looking at your timeline you have not lived as a couple with your ex partner since march 2013 and you husband left you around august 2011 - that only leaves a 19 month gap for you to grieve for your ex - meet someone else - sell a property - buy another - and the new relationship to end.

For the last 4 months you have been pursuing your ex husband - the man you live with sleeps in the annex of the home that he paid 100k and more into while you live free in the rest of the house with your children.

I can see how he thinks that the house is his and wants you off the mortgage - you can not have actually have lived in it that long. He has also heavily subsidised you and your children while you were so generous towards your ex. I can see how it might rock the boat now that you want money from the increase in house value.

Depression is devastating and rational thinking is difficult - i hope your mood improves soon and you can see things more clearly

carefullycautious

I find it very interesting that your husband came back onto the scene when you were still with your partner. As an outsider looking in it appears that he was hell bent on sabotaging your relationship - no wonder it has gone pear shaped.

You really need to find out as much info as possible with regards future housing. Try Shelter for advice.

You also need to get over the breakdown of your marriage and that means not getting involved with the first man who comes along. A break from relationships for some time is required so that you can heal yourself and become independent.

As regards the children wanting costly days out you will need to find cheaper alternatives which they can pick to do. As the above says try to find a local panto at a village hall or school where the cost is lower.

There is nothing wrong with letting your children know that you are now on a limited budget and where the money is having to go.

Look for free outings. walks in the park, picnics (when the weather is warmer of course) freebies, vouchers etc.

Write short lists of pressing needs and tick off as you deal with them so it does not overwhelm you. You will get stronger

Remember this is the first day of the rest of your life, don't waste it.

indsty

I think it always helps to simplify your life as much as possible - less stuff = less stress. Try to learn to like (love) yourself for who you are as an individual - you don't need anyone else in your life just now - they just complicate things. Concentrate on you and your little ones and be determined to make a new home for the three of you as a family group. Make sure you get good legal advice where needed, and look forward to bringing up your children and seeing them thrive.

pennypusher

Hi Marshmallow, I have read your posts and you strike me as a lovely lady who put her husband above all else only for the ungrateful, useless man to throw it all back in your face. You have given him all you can and still he's let you down again. This man is not good news for you. You know this. He has taken all your material goods but the good news is you have your kids - worth more than anything.

Just concentrate on one day at a time. You will come out of this stronger. You have the most precious gifts in the world, your love and your children.