My Dignity Diary

Artytarty

Yes, you've clearly got your priorities right.
I hope today improves as it goes on, wishing the best for you.

System

Marshmallow. Do you have family and friends nearby that will support you?

The first thing I did when I found myself single at the age of 22 was get myself a bit of a social life. I had about 8 months in between husbands where I crammed in as much social life as I could but I did have family and friends who helped with my very young children. I needed it.

I have very good memories of those 8 months!

vanessav

'I messaged him myself tonight....I know I shouldn't have, but I sent him the time and date....that to me is the very last time and date I'll text him or contact him....I know he's the kiddies dad, but I need space and time, and if that means no contact with him for a while, then so be it. A happy mum equals a happy home....im no good to anybody right now, especially my children, and if that means cutting him out of our lives then I'm prepared to do it. I know some of you will probably think I'm dreadful for saying that....I know children need both parents, but right now I want the harbour wall to not be an option.... We don't have any custody arrangements in place....I've always been 100% accommodating to his requests to see the kiddies...I don't think there's ever been a time I've not just went with his plans.....but right now, he can bugg@r off.
Sorry if I've offended anyone by that. I will heed opinions on that subject, but this is just how I'm feeling right now.'

At the moment you have to do whatever it takes to survive. If that means that your ex 'can bugg@r off right now', then so be it.
Be kind to yourself and to your children and everything else can wait.
As Churchill said 'If you're going through hell, keep going'. The day will come when you will come out of this. Big hugs.

Orlando_Virgin

Ahhh, I was sad to read this morning's post just now, because the one from 11.40pm was quite a positive one! Don't beat yourself up for every bad feeling and decision you make! You made a good, rational one getting your son school shoes instead of pantomime tickets (I find there's too many whiny kids at pantos anyway personally) So I see it as 60 quid saved!:)

Don't put too much pressure on yourself, allow yourself time to at least feel a tiny bit better, take each hour/day as it comes and continue to do things you would normally do in a routine. Keep as busy as possible and you will soon start to have more practical, positive thoughts!

Keep posting on here, and before you know it you will be 30 days in, looking back saying "god I'm proud of where I am already!"

pennypusher

Hi Marshmallow, Keep your chin up and look after yourself and your children. Your ex is really not worth all the angst he is causing you. It will take time for you to recover and feel better. Concentrate on yourself and your family and your needs and be kind to yourself. We all wish you well.

justanopinion

Hi again Mashmallow,

Like you, I can swing from feeling positive and ready to face the challenges I have in my life, to the next morning wanting to do nothing than pull the duvet back over my head and block out the world.

I too have been suicidal. I admitted myself when my thoughts became so scary I was a risk to myself. Since then I can still have those thoughts, but I try to work through them. I made a rather serious attempt on my life that saw me waking up in A&E. I had no idea where I was and I was running my hands down my body feeling the pads from where I had been hooked up to an ECG, not having a clue what I had done to myself.

The following morning I faced the shame (I had been rather drunk at the time) and I had to speak to my parents and my OH when turned up to the CDU. They were worried sick and I felt so guilty, so ashamed that since then I have been trying to tackle my problems.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout way is that the thoughts you are experiencing are frightening, but they are not you. Thoughts come and go, they're like dandelion seeds in the wind. You can listen to them, or you can go, why have I even thought that and dismiss it.

I know very well the now showering, hair washing. When you feel so low, personal care is the last thing you care about.

Please pick up the phone and speak to someone. I wish I had earlier, it would have saved me some of the angst I had. Speak to your GP.

Hugs. You will get through this.

Mashmallow

..........

krustylouise

Yay good to hear you sold some things on eBay and that the kids had a nice dinner and absolutely brilliant news that you've had zero contact! I am so chuffed for you mashmallow I really am!!! And you managed another shower!!!

You don't even realise how strong you are! Keep going you're doing brilliantly xxx

System

What you need is a bit of anger to keep you on the straight and narrow.


Next time you feel like texting him. Remind yourself of the fun time he's having now. Remind yourself of how he's treated you and what you've given him for it all to be thrown back in your face!


I'll start you off if you like:

He's made the resolve that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore....doesn't want to speak to me, see me or have any contact whatsoever.

My son asked me if we were still going to the Christmas pantomime, but I had to say no. We were supposed to be going as a family, but the tickets are £60 for the 3 of us, and it's either the panto or new school shoes....

I'm sure you can add to the list. Ok, if he wanted to leave you then there are ways and means of leaving someone and the way he's treated you is not the best way to go about it.


Read the list when your feeling vunerable and lonely and hopefully, your tears of misery will turn into tears of anger.


One thing ive learned in life... you turn into a doormat and don't be surprised if people walk all over you!

arbroath_lass

Mashmallow you sound like an amazing lady who's having a rotten time. You will get through it.


You made the right decision over shoes but if you have a little spare cash is there an amateur group doing a panto near you? They are around a fiver a ticket here and the kids won't know the difference. Maybe a bit of "normality" would help. If you don't have the cash (and that's understandable) the kids won't really miss it - there's always next year.