My Dignity Diary

Mashmallow

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Mashmallow

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cmazza

Well done for writing that here instead of texting it to him x

I am sorry you are having such a rough time of it. Christmas is a very hard time of the year, there are loads of extra's stresses and pressures. Would it be possible to ask your ex-partner to discuss the mortgage in the new year? If you get on amicably I am sure he would be understanding.

Mashmallow

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slightlyconfused1

Morning Marshmallow

One of the good things about living in a small place is that their are often community things on. I live in a tiny village and we have lots of little low cost things on throughout Christmas (including a Santa parade on Christmas eve with real reindeer - it's beautiful).

Why not sit the kids down and give them a choice of activities instead of the panto? Things like baking Christmas cookies or making crackers are very simple but great fun for kids. My little darlings like to make up cracker jokes. They are so bad they are funny.

You have your positive action for yesterday. You didn't text your ex. Well done!

Sharon

FBaby

Mashmallow wrote: »

I wanted to text my ex husband just now but I'll write it here instead.....

I trusted you and let you back into our lives again...you promised me this wouldn't happen, yet here I am again....heartache, pain and sadness. All because of you. I hate you for what you have done to this family...don't text me, don't send your matter of fact emails and don't call this house. Two weeks before Christmas and you pull the rug from under our feet....again. Broken promises and broken dreams. You don't deserve to have a nice family....you don't deserve any of it.

Mashmallow, at the moment, you see yourself as a weak person having given your husband another chance when actually, it took incredible strength to do so. You knew that you could end up where you are now, but you took the chance. You knew it would be hard to rebuild your life as a family, but you were prepared to face the battle. It is an incredible courageous thing to do to take that risk. Ok, so it didn't work, but at least you tried it, so one thing you do have now is knowing that you can move on without any regrets and that means you can start completely afresh instead of always have the 'what if' hanging over you.

In terms of your current ex partner, the reality is that one of you will need to move on. Either you will need to buy him out (can you?) or you will need to sale the house, but if he can buy you out, that is a better position for both of you. The key question is whether the house has gained any equity during the time you lived there and contributed. If so, then it would be right that he gives you half of that equity.

As for dealing with it all... unfortunately, only faith in yourself and time will make you go through it. As everyone has said, one day at a time, much pain to face, but the knowledge that slowly, it will receed and gradually, you will start your new life that will lead to one day, when you will reflect back on this time, with some gratefulness that it went as it did because otherwise, you wouldn't be in the peaceful place you are then.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up. You have done nothing wrong at all, you took a risk and that shows that you have guts, and that courage will see you through the tough days.

Mashmallow

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tea_lover

Morning MM, how are you today?

Firstly - massive well done on not texting yesterday
Secondly - could you contact a CAB? They should be able to help you with options for your current house and what you can do next (including any help you may be entitled to while you get back on your feet).

Sending hugs xx.

nlj1520

Massive sympathy and admiration to you Marshmallow. You are hanging on in there and making steps to thinking about how to sort things out and you are starting to look after yourself again. Those are not the actions of a 'weak' person.
I urge you (as other posters have) to call the Samaritans and to make an appointment with Citizen's Advice to get support, information and help. It may be that if your housing situation becomes complex that you could get housing Benefit.......I don't know but citizen's Advice will know, and will know how to do it and will help you to do it. They will also know about Tax Credits.
I have had reason to call the Samaritans a couple of times and they have been WONDERFUL. Totally non judging, supportive and kind. On one occasion I was pretty much suicidal and living alone with my (disabled) son. After the call I realised that they had checked subtly that I was no danger to him. I wasn't but I was impressed that they had done this without me even noticing until afterwards. They are patient (I spent the first 10 minutes or so of each call crying so hard I couldn't speak) and it's someone to listen, this can lighten the burden for you.
If you can face it, can I suggest making sure you have a walk outside every day? Daylight, something different to look at and getting the blood pumping can all reduce the black feelings. That said it can take more energy than you feel you have. Just try, to the end of the street and back......even to the end of the front garden and back at first. It will help you to stop feeling so locked into the thoughts buzzing round your head. If you can manage the walk, try noticing anything beautiful around you.....a bird singing, a child laughing, frost on leaves, a cobweb, anything that appeals to you. Note it and enjoy it. A little thing, but it helps to counteract all the negatives that you are going through, just a tiny bet. Helps remind you that this is a beautiful world and worth being alive in.
When you get through this horrendous patch, you will gradually be happy again, you will enjoy things again. It will take time to get there and it will be a struggle, but it is worth it.
All the very best and have a huge hug from me (if you like hugs! if not ignore that bit!)

FBaby

If I rock the boat and ask'for any increase in value, which there will be because we completely renovated the house, I see problems :-(

How long have you been living together in the house? Have you contributed 50% to the mortgage payment and bills? Who paid for the renovation?