'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

Gillyx

bylromarha wrote: »

I recognise this is personal to you, and I really don't mean to cause offence, but it upsets me that this whole " kids prefer mum and dad apart but happy" is taken as okay. This is so limited and doesn't state the child's real preference.

Kids prefer mum and dad to work and work and work at remaining happy in their relationship with each other.

I was a teenager but I was much happier when my parents separated. I had seen them work and work and work at there relationship. It wasn't working, one argument rolled into another. It hadn't been working for years, so yes I was happier to see them apart. I personally think if all a couple do is argue, it isn't a good environment for children. They're both now very happy and I'm happy for them.

Edit: the sad thing is they were sticking it out for 'the sake of the kids' how ironic.

bylromarha

Gillyx wrote: »

I was a teenager but I was much happier when my parents separated. I had seen them work and work and work at there relationship. It wasn't working, one argument rolled into another. It hadn't been working for years, so yes I was happier to see them apart. I personally think if all a couple do is argue, it isn't a good environment for children. They're both now very happy and I'm happy for them.

Edit: the sad thing is they were sticking it out for 'the sake of the kids' how ironic.

If one arguement rolled into another, that's not working at it. That's arguing and point scoring. It's not moving on, or forgiving, or changing behaviour, or having fun and prefering the other and their needs; it's just arguing.

unicorn1984

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Research suggests that children are better off in two parent families.

I'd say most kids would prefer two parents at home.

If they are happy, then yes. Children never want their parents to split up, I know I didn't, years after it happened, I wanted Mummy and Daddy to live together, and couldn't understand why they weren't. I still adored my Dad for years until I got to an age that I could understand all the terrible things he had done. After this realisation, I was relieved they weren't married anymore and started to reduce my involvement in his life (not that I needed to too much, he puts in the minimal effort himself!)

"Better off" in what respect? I had 2 parents at home. My Mum and a step-dad who I would rather call Dad than my own flesh and blood father

dizsiebubba

lostinrates wrote: »

Mine only expired about 8 years after marriage. It was fine.

( I still have my maiden name bank account too, not sure what else...)

Thank you then for that heads up as in that case I am not going to bother to change things I can get away with until we move house and have to notify for that too then!

dizsiebubba

catkins wrote: »

I couldn't be bothered to listen to that video but I have looked at Greenwich Council's fees and Essex Council's fees and they are:

Entering a notice of marriage £35
Fee for Registrar £90 an hour (registry office weddings do not last more than an hour)
Marriage at Registry office including certificate £49

Nowhere near £1,000.

I am not talking about getting married in a pricey venue but a registry office. As I said, a wedding can be as cheap as you want it to be

If you can't be bothered to look it up then you can't really comment on the cost of it... Its not quite £1,000 for us as I don't care about loads of the extras they offer but its costing us £725* with KENT council.

What I think a lot of you are missing is that people want to get married in front of their family who love them and have welcomed their partners with open arms and want to celebrate their love - we aren't all bridezillas but at the same time its a very depressing thought to me to get married in a registry office and see the bride before me leaving and as I leave see one waiting. I went to a wedding like that and was shocked at the lack of 'romance' about it all...I don't want that and I don't think most people want that deep down.

Some people will never agree that it is worth spending *some* money on celebrating...but if it is to me of course I am going to save up and have a lovely time.

dizsiebubba

£55 non-refundable booking fee
£592 balance for 'a kentish ceremony'
£70 for notice to be given (£35 each)
£8 for 2 marriage certificates (in case 1 gets lost)

= £725

GobbledyGook

The whole thing about parents working at their marriage for the sake of the kids always makes me shudder.

My parents were married. They were married before they had children. They 'worked' at their marriage because my father didn't want the 'shame' of his children having a single mother.

If they'd have split, if my mother had had the guts to escape him our lives would have been considerably better. My friend who was born to a single mother after a one night stand had a considerably more stable, and better, life than my brother and I did with our 'stable' family.

The reason society isn't the same and children aren't as well behaved now is because of lazy parenting (imo), not because of the marital status of said parents.

unicorn1984

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The whole thing about parents working at their marriage for the sake of the kids always makes me shudder.

My parents were married. They were married before they had children. They 'worked' at their marriage because my father didn't want the 'shame' of his children having a single mother.

If they'd have split, if my mother had had the guts to escape him our lives would have been considerably better. My friend who was born to a single mother after a one night stand had a considerably more stable, and better, life than my brother and I did with our 'stable' family.

The reason society isn't the same and children aren't as well behaved now is because of lazy parenting (imo), not because of the marital status of said parents.

TOTALLY agree with this. I definitely believe that this is the case. Children have been without 1 or both parents for generations, yet they don't all go off the rails and act like delinquents. My parents split up, a messy divorce, and I turned out fine, so did my brother and stepbrother.

Its a "nice" idea, man meets woman, get married, have perfect kids, live happily ever after. Unfortunately this is so often not the case, infact I know more people whos parents have gotten divorced than are still together. I look in awe and ask "wow how have they stayed together so long"? because couples that are STILL married seem (to me at least) to be the minority, whereas years ago it was the complete opposite.

My Mum stayed with my Dad for so long (and that was only 2 years after they married!) because she didn't want to be a single Mother, she thought she would be judged, and she was made to feel like it was a shameful thing. I'm glad she didn't listen to those feelings and got out.

unicorn1984

bylromarha wrote: »

I recognise this is personal to you, and I really don't mean to cause offence, but it upsets me that this whole " kids prefer mum and dad apart but happy" is taken as okay. This is so limited and doesn't state the child's real preference.

Kids prefer mum and dad to work and work and work at remaining happy in their relationship with each other.

Does your end quote not do the same? A marriage does require work, but what about when work becomes a chore, a chore that one, or neither side wants to do anymore? Yes in an ideal world, we would get married and stay that way, "working" through our problems. But when only 1 person is willing to work at them, then its a losing battle. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work.

Once that happiness is gone, its very hard to get it back.

lostinrates

dizsiebubba wrote: »

£55 non-refundable booking fee
£592 balance for 'a kentish ceremony'
£70 for notice to be given (£35 each)
£8 for 2 marriage certificates (in case 1 gets lost)

= £725

What is a Kentish ceremony?