'Don't have kids unless you are ready to marry' says judge

littlerat

I've just nosed, out of curiousity, the legal costs I can find are £35 per notice of marriage (one each so £70), £45 to register the marriage and £4 for the certificate. Most registry offices seem to have options for even sundays for £200 or less. So a total of £320, tops at a guess. Less if you can nip down in cheaper hours.

CofE wedding site says the basic cost for a church wedding is £440, though that doesn't even include heating, but if a religious setting is important to you it could still be done for £500ish.

I realise though that costs may be higher if you need other religious ceremonies (although, most religions aren't so keen on children out of wedlock, so it seems a little irrevelent), maybe higher costs if one isn't a UK resident or something?

I will admit most people want more than that, I'd agree for a basic wedding with a few family members and close friends you'd be looking at £1000.

According to this though, the average wedding cost is £18,244 - so I'm guessing a lot of people would feel cheated if they had to do it on the cheap. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/10072716/Average-wedding-now-costs-more-than-18000.html

claire16c

dizsiebubba wrote: »

It depends on why you aren't married though... we couldn't afford it until now (its costing nearly £1k for just the legal bit and then there is all the costs involved in changing name) but we wanted to be married and most people thought we were... In an ideal world I would have been married first but I couldn't let my fertility decline while I saved to be married

Out of interest what did you pay when you changed your name?

I didn't pay anything? Neither did my DH - we double barelled.

Not that you need to change your name anyway.

Gillyx

I don't honestly get why people are so forceful about marriage, surely if people are happy are living in a stable environment and can support themselves and there families who gives a flying fig?

It's all coming across a bit smug marrieds a la Bridget Jones in here.

Let's face it, no reason will be good enough to convince someone they should get married and no reason will be good enough as a reason not to get married.

Zzzzzz

Dunroamin

dizsiebubba wrote: »

It depends on why you aren't married though... we couldn't afford it until now (its costing nearly £1k for just the legal bit and then there is all the costs involved in changing name) but we wanted to be married and most people thought we were... In an ideal world I would have been married first but I couldn't let my fertility decline while I saved to be married

I assume that you're in some complicated situation if the "legal bit" is costing so much but changing your name is down to your choice.

Person_one

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Can you give me a breakdown of the £1,000 for 'just the legal bit'?

'Costs in changing name'? What are you talking about?

Couldn't let your 'fertility decline' whilst you saved to be married? Good grief, if you can't afford to get married then you can't afford to have children.

The same old excuses just keep coming back again and again.

Excuses? People don't need to have excuses for not living their lives they way you think they should! They don't have to justify themselves to your satisfaction.

Women who want children have a pretty narrow window in which to have them, and that's just biologically. Socially, its a minefield. If you have your children too young you're wasting your life, you're irresponsible, you're only doing it to get a council house. If you wait and have them later you're a selfish career woman trying to have it all, god forbid you wait long enough that you need a bit of help conceiving!

I don't really understand why people get so uptight and judgey about other women's reproductive choices.

Dunroamin

Gillyx wrote: »

I don't honestly get why people are so forceful about marriage, surely if people are happy are living in a stable environment and can support themselves and there families who gives a flying fig?

It's all coming across a bit smug marrieds a la Bridget Jones in here.

Let's face it, no reason will be good enough to convince someone they should get married and no reason will be good enough as a reason not to get married.

Zzzzzz

I think that many of us believe that marriage is the glue that holds society together and that, although there are obviously people who are in long term, non married, commited relationships, there are also many who have children outside marriage in a far less responsible manner.

On a personal level, I think that the idea of putting the wedding day ahead of the marriage in importance shows an emphasis of style over substance in the relationship.

Tiddlywinks

Person_one wrote: »

I don't really understand why people get so uptight and judgey about other women's reproductive choices.

I care because those children are part of our society and should be give the best start possible. Research shows that means two parents in a stable relationship.

I care because often relationship breakdowns and single parents require more government monetary support... which the rest of us pay for.

I care because boys without father figures may find it more difficult to be fathers themselves... which then perpetuates the problem.

lazer

Dunroamin wrote: »

I assume that you're in some complicated situation if the "legal bit" is costing so much but changing your name is down to your choice.

The only thing i paid to change my name was my passport - everything else is free (except maybe a few stamps to send letters) and as said its not necessary to change your name.

Many people let their passport run in their maiden until expiry and then change it too, so again no fee.

Gillyx

Dunroamin wrote: »

I think that many of us believe that marriage is the glue that holds society together and that, although there are obviously people who are in long term, non married, commited relationships, there are also many who have children outside marriage in a far less responsible manner.

On a personal level, I think that the idea of putting the wedding day ahead of the marriage in importance shows an emphasis of style over substance in the relationship.

I have never sat down and thought oh couple A spent 5 times that of Couple B on there wedding, so it must be style over substance for them. I generally think oh what a lovely wedding, the bride and groom looked so in love, regardless of how much they've spent.

As it happens my parents probably didn't spend a lot as they didn't have it, there marriage still failed. I remember how miserable they both were, for years, staying together because the felt it was what society wanted them to do. It makes me sad now that they've both found happiness with other partners, that they could have had years ago, but chose not to do it because of what is the 'norm'.

In the past 3 months I've known 3 different marriages of numerous years where an infidelity has been exposed, because the people within these relationships weren't happy, so I don't think marriage is holding society together.

I attended a 25th wedding anniversary party recently, where it's well known both parties seek the company of other females/males behind there partners back, but everyone was there congratulating them?

In my experience marriage doesn't mean as much nowadays definitely not, but as my granny tells me, if you married the wrong one back then you were stuck with him, whether he was beating you black or blue or not. So if you could weigh up happy marriages from years ago and happy marriages now I bet the figure would be pretty much the same.

claire16c

lazer wrote: »

The only thing i paid to change my name was my passport - everything else is free (except maybe a few stamps to send letters) and as said its not necessary to change your name.

Many people let their passport run in their maiden until expiry and then change it too, so again no fee.

That's what I did, it had 2 years left on it & DHs had 1, so I just booked stuff in our maiden names until then.